<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>all the stars are closer by mihael_jeevas</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23433037">all the stars are closer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihael_jeevas/pseuds/mihael_jeevas'>mihael_jeevas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>something bigger than the sky [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:02:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>75,195</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23433037</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihael_jeevas/pseuds/mihael_jeevas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the three months since one Captain Shisui Uchiha had his great epiphany regarding his less-than-platonic feelings for one Itachi of Vulcan, everything and nothing has changed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Shisui</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>something bigger than the sky [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1499588</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>stardate 2267.122</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’s mid-mission on Beaufort IX when Shisui realizes he’s probably going to die, though not necessarily in the way he expected.</p>
<p>“Shisui Uchiha, I am going to fucking kill you!” Anko screams at him as she kicks at the creatures leaping up at them. </p>
<p>One of the critters--a mustard yellow monstrosity that resembles the unholy spawn of a centipede and a cockroach--hisses as it lunges for Shisui, and he has just enough time to pull out his blaster and blow it to pieces before it sinks its fangs into his leg. “You know what?” he counters, just as loudly. “That’s super valid!”</p>
<p>“What is your status, Captain?” Itachi’s voice buzzes in his ear, barely audible above the cacophony of the swarm below them. Shisui peers down from his perch; through the branches he can see that there’s dozens and dozens of… whaever the fuck Itachi called these miserable little things mobbing them, crawling up the bleached white trunk of their hiding spot to completely wreck he and Anko’s collective shit. </p>
<p>“Well, we’ve stolen from space bugs, then proceeded to run across an entire planet, and finally scaled a tree so we won’t get eaten alive by said space bugs,” he retorts, firing off another round of shots. The creatures shriek as they fall, disappearing into a puff of bright light and even brighter blood. Said blood splatters on both himself and Anko, who shoots him a baleful glare as she wipes at her stained cheek. “So, you know. Not great,” Shisui finishes, mouthing “sorry” to his unfortunate companion. </p>
<p>“Were you able to retrieve the egg?” Itachi asks; in the background Shisui can hear Ino worrying and Shikamaru and Chouji making bets on the likelihood of him and Anko surviving. Damn kids. </p>
<p>“Yeah, and it almost cost us our fucking lives!” Anko yells, loud enough for Itachi to hear. “Get us out of here, you useless green bean!”</p>
<p>“Gotta agree with the lady--save for the ‘green bean’ bit,” Shisui amends. “Now would be a great time to beam us back.”</p>
<p>“Understood,” Itachi says, sounding peeved, but in seconds Shisui and Anko are thankfully wrapped in the spinning glow of rescue--right before one of the beasts can connect with Shisui’s face. </p>
<p>Landing on the transporter with a heavy thud, Shisui glances at Anko. She, to put it gently, is a complete mess, her hair tangled and clothes ripped, not to mention that she’s positively covered in heinous yellow goop. That said, he doubts he’s a prettier picture at the moment. Said suspicion is instantly confirmed by the revolted expression on Ino’s face as she takes them in. Meanwhile, beside her Shikamaru sighs heavily and Chouji beams, triumphant. </p>
<p>“Told you not to bet against the Captain,” he says smugly, elbowing a silent and annoyed Shikamaru in the stomach. </p>
<p>“Thank you for your loyalty, Ensign,” Shisui retorts flatly as he stands. “It truly means the world to me in these trying times.” </p>
<p>“Why is space so fucking gross?” Anko snaps, trying in vain to wring her uniform shirt dry. “Nobody told me that space would be so fucking gross.” </p>
<p>“Oh, lighten up, would you?” Shisui replies. “It means every day is a new adventure.”</p>
<p>“We’ll see how much you like the new adventure of me putting my foot up your ass,” she says, sullenly. “Permission to be dismissed so I can take a shower and then not speak to you for the rest of the week?”</p>
<p>“Granted,” Shisui allows cheerfully, and in seconds Anko stomps off, the wet slap off her bloody boots echoing through the halls. After a second both Chouji and Shikamaru follow, still bickering about the fallout from their bet, and Shisui shakes his head as he watches them go. </p>
<p>Itachi, from his place next to Ino, gets back to the matter at hand by asking, “Captain, you said you were able to procure the object of our mission?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, about that,” Shisui says, reaching into his pocket to pull out the small, glossy metal container Itachi had gifted him earlier. “You forgot to mention how aggressively protective those things are of their young; it would have been nice to know before we dropped in to egg-nap them.” </p>
<p>“I apologize for the lack of information.” Carefully plucking the canister from Shisui’s hands, Itachi explains, “In my defense, such a phenomenon has never been documented before; very few scientists and explorers have had such… <em> direct </em> contact with the <em> praelophaxus lordum </em> species.”</p>
<p>“Lucky them.”</p>
<p>The slow dripping of blood off the landing pad is quickly becoming maddening. Ino, bless her, is the first to break. “Captain, I think it’s time to contact the Cleaning Team about the… this,” she says, flapping a hand at the big, golden disaster surrounding them. </p>
<p>“That’s a great idea, Ino,” Shisui replies enthusiastically. “Why don’t you go do that?”</p>
<p>“Consider it done,” she answers, giving him one last, deeply disgusted glance before departing. </p>
<p>Itachi presses his lips together in an attempt to smother a smile, to which Shisui rolls his eyes in response. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, you,” he mutters, despite fighting a smirk himself.</p>
<p>“Forgive me, sir,” Itachi says, not sounding particularly sorry at all. “If it is any consolation, I believe that we have made great scientific strides by capturing this specimen. The <em> praelophaxus lordum </em>has an unusually long lifespan; by analyzing its genetic code we could potentially find the key to achieving a higher quality of life for species across the galaxy.”</p>
<p>“Awh, how sweet. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy under the layers of alien guts I’m currently wearing.”</p>
<p>“Yes, speaking of that…” Without warning Itachi steps unusually close to him and reaches forward to thread his fingers through Shisui’s hair. For his part Shisui stands unnaturally still, like he’s Alan Grant avoiding a rogue and hungry T-rex, completely confused and more than a little affected by Itachi’s proximity. It isn’t until Itachi pulls away with a (still wiggling, <em> ew</em>) spindly leg pinched between his fingertips that Shisui’s brain cells finally fire back up and he realizes the Vulcan was just trying to be helpful. </p>
<p>“Charming,” he says, more than a little dry and certainly more than a little unwilling to meet Itachi’s eyes. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drown in my bathtub. Have fun with your bugs.” </p>
<p>At that, Itachi perks up considerably, and Shisui feels like a group of tiny horses is stampeding through his chest cavity. “Thank you, Captain. I intend to do just that.” With a polite nod, Itachi quickly excuses himself, and Shisui can do nothing but watch him go, once again adrift in the waves of pining that have become as familiar to him as breathing.</p>
<p>“Yep, still a goner,” he whispers to himself, running a hand through his hair unthinkingly and groaning when he remembers the current state of his scalp. Only Shisui could manage to fall for someone so unattainable--and, frankly, nerdy. The fact that he manages to find Itachi’s freaky insect experiments endearing is a sign that he’s a) deep in the infatuation phase and b) a total idiot.</p>
<p>Maybe he should let Anko kill him after all. </p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>In the three months since one Captain Shisui Uchiha had his great epiphany regarding his less-than-platonic feelings for one Itachi of Vulcan, everything and nothing has changed. </p>
<p>On the surface, it’s business as usual: missions, meetings, a little evening chess, and the occasional potential galaxy-destroying catastrophe thrown in for good measure. The longer their assignment goes on, the more Shisui and Itachi settle into their respective roles. With the first year under their belt, they’re significantly more comfortable and both their individual and combined performances reflect that. Together they’re a kickass team, the balance of Itachi’s razor-sharp intelligence and Shisui’s keen instincts making them damn near unstoppable. Of all the work he’s done since taking command of the Corvus, Shisui's particularly proud of the dynamic he’s created with Itachi; considering he’s worked his ass off to get them to this point, the taste of victory is particularly sweet.</p>
<p>That said, there’s still a lingering precariousness to their partnership, and Shisui takes care to avoid stepping on any previously unknown landmines. He’s unwilling to watch months and months of effort blow up in his handsome face, which is why once Shisui finally acknowledged his affection for Itachi he just as quickly made the decision to stuff that shit down as far as it could go. There are about ten thousand and one reasons why his relationship with Itachi can never move past pleasant and loyal camaraderie, but the biggest one is that he and Itachi would most likely lose their careers, if not worse. Despite the yawning, hungry pit he feels in the middle of his stomach at the thought of further intimacy, he doesn’t want to hurt himself like that, and he’s absolutely not going to drag Itachi down with him. It’s one thing to blow up his own life (God knows Shisui’s certainly done it before), but ruining Itachi’s impeccable existence is simply unthinkable to him. </p>
<p>Most days, Shisui’s able to navigate such troubled waters with ease; the fact of the matter is that he’s usually too busy to sit around moping over his impossible and certainly unrequited attraction. After all, there’s almost always a fire of some sort that needs to be put out, whether it’s on the Corvus herself or a Federation planet in need of assistance, meaning realistically speaking Shisui doesn’t spend a lot of time dissecting his misbegotten longing. But every once in a while his heart sneaks up on him. In the quiet moments after all the fires have been put out and it’s just the two of them, it’s dangerously easy to get pulled into Itachi’s orbit. Shisui’s never crossed the firmly established line between them; however, he’d be lying if he said there haven’t been times where he’s been tempted to do just that, and it’s that reckless desire that makes Shisui nervous.</p>
<p>It helps to remind himself that, at the end of the day, they really don’t mean all that much to each other. Sure, they’re friendly enough, but it’s a closeness brought on by the uniquely claustrophobic nature of space travel; logic and experience tells Shisui that they’ve gravitated to one another purely because of their physical closeness and not out of any real attachment. In a few years the Corvus’ mission will end, and their lives will go on, returning to the separate paths they were once on. Maybe they’ll keep up a genial yet overall meaningless acquaintance, but most likely Itachi and Shisui will forget each other altogether, just as Shisui’s forgotten countless of his other former comrades. It’s a comforting notion, the idea that one day Shisui will stop feeling the ever-present, Itachi-shaped ache in his gut. </p>
<p>For now, their routine suits themselves and the rest of the crew just fine. Over the course of the mission change has come for everyone, molded them into better versions of themselves, and Shisui’s just happy to be along for the ride. One of the best parts of being a leader is seeing the growth of his team, and the Corvus is no exception. As the months have worn on everyone has stepped up to the plate--even Anko, to Shisui’s amazement. Each day Shikamaru grows a little more serious, Chouji a little more brave, and Kisame--well, no, Kisame still wants to kill pretty much everyone, but hey, no one’s perfect. </p>
<p>Only one person seems to be changing for the worse and it’s definitely not someone Shisui would have ever expected: Ino. It’s not as if her job performance has actually suffered; on the contrary, as Shisui’s pretty sure her work’s never been better, and he has no doubts in her reliability. It’s just that lately she seems… <em> sad</em>, though no one, not even Asuma, someone who’s known her literally since her birth, can pinpoint why. </p>
<p>But perhaps no one has changed more than Itachi himself. It’s shocking for Shisui to look at the man who stepped aboard this ship a little over a year ago--cold, judgmental, and entirely closed-off--and reconcile that image with the person he knows now. Hell, not even Itachi’s hair is the same; recently he’s thrown off the shackles of that truly unfortunate Vulcan bowlcut in favor of growing it out into an adorable choppy bob Shisui tries not to look at too much. Sure, Itachi will never be the picture of emotional vulnerability, but there’s a presence to him on the Corvus that simply didn’t exist before. With his rough edges blunted, Shisui’s seen the way Itachi has actually started to connect with the crew, how he’s let down his walls and is making an effort to form actual bonds with the people around him instead of just tolerating them.</p>
<p>Every once in a while Shisui feels a pang of jealousy at the shift in his First Officer. There was a time when this kinder, gentler Itachi--Itachi 2.0, if you will--appeared to Shisui alone, and a lesser part of him had enjoyed having an Itachi he could keep to himself. But, like all his other Itachi-related feelings, Shisui carefully shoves that little revelation out of his brain’s personal airlock and refuses to think about it. The tactic mostly works, right up until Itachi goes and does something terrible like favoring him with that awful soft smile he reserves just for Shisui, and the floodgates of his Itachi-related insanity open once more. </p>
<p>It’s a comforting notion, the idea that one day Shisui will stop feeling the ever-present, Itachi-shaped ache in his gut. And, if he gets very lucky, someday he might actually believe it will come true. </p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If there’s any rule of space, it’s this: should an opportunity for weird shit to happen arise, weird shit will <em> definitely </em> happen. </p>
<p>Shisui learned that lesson years ago, back when he was just a new recruit with the stars stuck in his eyes. Back then Shisui had a picturesque view of everything about Starfleet, thought that the universe itself shat gold. But he was quickly corrected of that notion after his first post-Academy tour of duty, learning the messy and mundane reality of floating through space. These days, a little less green but no less fond of the universe’s many mysteries, Shisui has learned to take the galaxy’s shenanigans with a grain of salt. </p>
<p>So, when Teuchi, the Officer in charge of the Corvus’ meals and rations, informs Shisui that there’s a discrepancy in how quickly the crew is going through their supplies, Shisui isn’t terribly concerned. People are feeling more comfortable on the ship, he reasons, meaning they’re acting less like they’re on an important business trip and more like they’re in their own homes. Nevertheless, while he’s pretty sure the culprit is nothing more than some errant snacking, Shisui promises to get the Security Department on the task, even if Anko thinks the task is horseshit. After a day of investigation, a few sheepish Ensigns eventually admit to double-dipping in the kitchens after hours and the matter is seemingly resolved.</p>
<p>The next day, Shikamaru approaches him about odd noises he and some of the other Engineers have heard in the vents. Again, Shisui finds a way to rationalize the occurrence; ships make weird sounds sometimes and considering they’ve been on back-to-back missions since the start of the new year no doubt the Corvus is feeling some of the strain. But, even though he’s not terribly concerned, he gives Shikamaru and the Engineering Department permission to run additional diagnostics on the ship’s mechanics to make sure nothing’s wrong. The team takes their time picking apart each nut and bolt that makes up the Corvus’ delicate frame, but can’t find a single bit that seems out of place. Though Shikamaru remains dubious, he reluctantly accepts the results and everyone moves on with their lives.</p>
<p>It’s only when Itachi reports a disturbance in the Science Lab halfway through the week that Shisui starts to wonder if something sinister really <em> is </em> afoot. When he enters the Lab he’s surprised to find the typically immaculate department in chaos. Broken glass litters the chairs and countertops, and there are spills of various scents and colors decorating the white tiled floors. Itachi and Karin move about in annoyed silence, trying to contain the mess, while Kabuto is noticeably missing from the scene of the crime. “What the hell happened here?” he demands.</p>
<p>Itachi sighs heavily in response. “That is exactly what I would like to know,” he replies thinly. </p>
<p>“It was like this when we came in this morning,” Karin adds, voice muffled by her sleeve as she blots up an especially noxious vivid pink chemical.</p>
<p>Maintaining a careful distance from the wreckage, Shisui asks, “And Kabuto is <em> where</em>, exactly?”</p>
<p>“He is currently running inventory on some of the xenobiological specimens we have in containment,” Itachi answers as he crouches beneath a table to collect the shards pooled beneath it.</p>
<p>At that, Shisui raises his eyebrows, mentally doing the math on their current situation. To recap: first, their food goes missing; then, people start hearing bizarre sounds in the pipes; and now, it looks like an itty bitty bomb went off in Itachi’s traditionally tidy headquarters. Put together, it can only mean that--</p>
<p>“There’s a ghost on the ship,” Suigetsu announces gravely, who Shisui had genuinely forgotten was by his side; the boy hadn’t been his first choice from the Security Department, but Anko was nowhere to be found and Kisame was going through some sort of seasonal shedding thing that Shisui <em> really </em> didn’t want to interrupt. That left him with bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and completely useless Suigetsu to accompany him; frankly, he probably would have been better off coming alone.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?” Shisui says, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing in irritation. “That’s not--no, Suigetsu. No.” </p>
<p>Chucking a shattered beaker into the garbage with perhaps an unnecessary amount of force, Karin snaps, “Do you even <em> listen </em> to the shit that comes out of your mouth?”</p>
<p>“Nope,” Suigetsu retorts, and Shisui almost envies his serene empty-headedness. </p>
<p>From across the lab Itachi suddenly hisses in pain and stands, recoiling from a split test tube now dripping with green blood. In seconds Shisui crosses the room, carefully wading through the disaster area, and takes Itachi’s hand in his own. “Shit, it’s deep,” he says, frowning, before grabbing a wad of paper towel from a nearby station in an attempt to slow the bleeding. Pressing against the wound he feels Itachi’s fingers tense above his own, and Shisui flashes him an apologetic smile, adding, “We’re definitely going to need Sakura to take a look at this; she’ll probably have to pop in a stitch or two.” At Itachi’s continued silence, Shisui glances up and is surprised to see Itachi staring at him, eyes large and mouth open. Puzzled by the sight, he asks, “You good?”</p>
<p>A long moment passes before Itachi blinks owlishly and nods. “Of course. Forgive me, I was merely… startled. By the pain,” Itachi clarifies as he gently pulls himself from Shisui’s grasp. “I believe I can take it from here.” </p>
<p>“If you say so,” Shisui says slowly, feeling dubious. He has about a minute to bathe in that confusion before a violent bang above them suddenly shakes the room and everything goes black. For a moment they stand in the darkness, shell-shocked, but it doesn’t take long for the backup lights to power up, bathing the Lab in a subdued, sickly yellow glow. Shisui curses under his breath, because that can only mean one thing: the power’s shot to hell and they’re currently running on the back-up generator. </p>
<p>“What the shit is happening?” Karin asks, in between trying to shake off a visibly frightened Suigetsu, who is currently clinging to her like a baby animal would hang onto its mother.</p>
<p>“I believe I have an explanation,” a voice from the door answers, and Shisui turns to see Kabuto holding a flashlight and looking exceptionally ornery.</p>
<p>“Something tells me I’m not going to want to hear it,” Shisui says, hoping for once he’s wrong.</p>
<p>(Naturally, he isn’t.)</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You mean to tell me that horny tribbles are destroying our ship?” Anko, dependable as always, is the first one to break the awkward silence that descends after Kabuto finally spills the beans about what the actual fuck is happening to the Corvus. Shisui’s summoned everyone from the Lab, along with Ino and Shikamaru, to the bridge to try and form a plan of attack against, of all things, tribbles. </p>
<p>Kabuto exhales through his nose, clearly irritated. “Considering the tribble species reproduces asexually and thus does not feel physical attraction, I am not, in fact, saying that,” he replies sharply. </p>
<p>“I didn’t even know we had tribbles on the ship,” Ino comments.</p>
<p>“We are in possession of a select few in the Science Department; they have an incredibly simplistic nervous system, making them an excellent candidate for medical testing,” Itachi explains, and Ino’s eyes widen in horror.</p>
<p>“You <em> experiment </em> on them?” she asks, as if Itachi’s just skinned one in front of her. “But they’re so cute...”</p>
<p>“Not so cute now, are they?” Anko mutters, earning a glare from Ino in return.</p>
<p>“The tribbles are always sedated during our trials, meaning they do not feel any discomfort while we are working,” Itachi assures her. “That said, given their limited sentience it is hard to say how much pain they are even capable of processing in the first place.” </p>
<p>“As illuminating as this conversation is, can we please pivot back to the problem at hand?” Shisui asks from the Captain’s chair, patience thinning. “Exactly how are these fuzzy-wuzzies giving birth left and right? Last I heard tribbles were pretty late bloomers in the family way.” </p>
<p>“They are, unless one performs an unauthorized experiment on them that augments their reproductive development and causes them to birth at an accelerated rate,” Itachi says, glaring at Kabuto. It’s been a while since Shisui’s seen that kind of cold fury on his second-in-command’s face and considering such a look was usually directed at him he’s gotta say he hasn’t missed it. </p>
<p>Keen to the fact that Itachi is attacking him in particular, Kabuto starts, “I had a theory--”</p>
<p>“A foolish and unsubstantiated theory that I contested numerous times and clearly forbade you from pursuing,” Itachi counters hotly, and Shisui knows that if they stay on this path they’re never going to get anywhere. </p>
<p>“Hey, take it easy, will you?” he murmurs to Itachi (who definitely pouts at the rebuke) before shifting his attention back to Kabuto. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me about this little theory of yours?”  </p>
<p>“As I was saying,” Kabuto begins again, voice taut, “I had a theory regarding the use of the <em> praelophaxus lordum’s </em>DNA in assisting with infertility treatment. Considering the established healing properties of their blood and their substantial vitality, I believed there was a possibility they could be used to heal damaged fallopian tissue and increase sperm count.” </p>
<p>“So you picked the tribbles because it takes them so long to pop a kid out,” Anko says. “Except when you juiced them up with bug bits they went wild and started spreading everywhere.”</p>
<p>“Which would explain why our food has been missing, why the Engineering Department keeps hearing weird noises, and why the Science Lab looks like a bomb’s gone off in it, because tribbles are literally pouring out of every crevice of this ship,” Shisui concludes.</p>
<p>“Essentially,” Kabuto sniffs. </p>
<p>“Can it be fixed?” Ino asks.</p>
<p>“Theoretically, yes,” Itachi answers, tone still terse but significantly less frosty. “If we can locate all the tribbles we should be able to sterilize them. But it will be near impossible to capture each specimen considering how rapidly they are spawning. The moment we collect one, we can be sure that ten more will take its place.”</p>
<p>“Like a hydra,” she says, frowning. </p>
<p>“For fuck’s sake,” Shisui mutters, rubbing at the migraine building his temple; of all the crisises he’s encountered in his career this is easily the most ridiculous. “Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do: Shikamaru, I need you to run a thorough diagnostic on our girl; pinpoint all the hotspots where these overgrown dust bunnies are congregating so we can send teams there to snatch them up. Itachi, take your jackass subordinate back to the Lab and get things ready for our tribble spay and neuter wagon; and please, for the love of god, get Sakura to help you. Anko, get us supplies--nets, crates, anything we can put the little shitheads in. Finally, Ino, put out an announcement so everyone knows to pitch in and partner with Shikamaru to send crewmembers where we need them most.”</p>
<p>“What about you, oh fearless leader?” Anko asks dryly, smirking at Shisui.</p>
<p>Grimacing, he replies, “Guess I’m going tribble-hunting.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Up until this very moment Shisui can safely say he’s never been afraid of his ship. He’s been afraid of a lot of things <em> related </em> to his ship--fucking up a mission, giving an order that gets someone hurt, temporarily blacking out and accidentally making out with Itachi in the process--but never the Corvus herself. That all changes, however, once he’s forced to walk through the primary hull’s dimly-lit corridor with nothing but a small flashlight and a prayer to guide his way. </p>
<p>The ship is eerily quiet save for the sound of tribbles trapped in the pipes, their distant cooing far more sinister than it has any right to be. In the silence he can hear his footsteps echoing, along with Ino’s, since Shisui was insistent in having her accompany him once she completed her assigned tasks. He’s been meaning to check in with his Communications Officer regarding her sudden change in demeanor, but given the fact that they’ve been flung through every quadrant at lightning speed recently he hasn’t exactly had a spare moment. So, he figures this is a real two birds, one stone scenario: with any luck he can conquer both Ino <em> and </em> the Corvus’ demons and everyone can go home happy.</p>
<p>“Well, this is fun,” he says to a silent and moody Ino, in the middle of juggling the ladder Anko shoved into his hands earlier. Turning to her, he asks, “Are you having fun yet?”</p>
<p>“I’m delighted, Captain,” she replies, deadpan, the large crate in her hands hanging limply between her fingers. </p>
<p>Sensing defeat on the horizon, Shisui decides to take the conversation in a different direction. “Let’s try something new. How about we play truth or dare, except there are no dares, and the only truth is you telling me why you’ve been so miserable lately?” </p>
<p>Ino stops in her tracks, looking down at her heels with unhappy black eyes. “Is it really that obvious?”</p>
<p>“Put it this way: you don’t exactly have to be an empathic Betazoid to realize something’s been up,” he answers, though not unkindly.</p>
<p>With a sigh, she says. “You’re probably going to fire me if I tell you.”</p>
<p>“I’m probably not,” Shisui reassures her. “I mean, Kabuto has created the disaster to end all disasters, and he’s just going to end up with a slap on the wrist. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of a pushover.” </p>
<p>That manages to get him the smallest of smiles, so Shisui figures he must be getting somewhere. “Okay,” Ino begins slowly, taking a step forward to resume their search. “You know how Sakura and I don’t really get along?”</p>
<p>“I’m familiar,” he says, which is honestly putting it mildly; having the two women in a room together is akin to throwing two wet cats in a bag and letting them go at each other. </p>
<p>“It wasn’t always like that between us; we were super close when we were at the Academy, and then we kind of… dated.” </p>
<p>As if on cue, the vents above them rattle, and Shisui stops in his tracks. He looks up to little bits of fur peeking through the silver grates and thinks, <em> Gotcha</em>, before carefully unfolding the ladder beneath the tribble nest. “‘Kind of dated?’” he repeats, quieter than before, as climbs. “Like, casually saw each other for a semester or…?”</p>
<p>“Not exactly,” she murmurs. “We.. we were pretty serious. Like ‘definitely talked about getting married’ serious. After we graduated, I mean. Which we obviously--didn’t.”  </p>
<p>“Believe it or not, I actually picked up on that,” he replies. Lifting his PADD above his head, he runs a quick scan of the collection above them; it seems like there’s only about twenty of them, so if they move fast enough this should be a cakewalk. Pocketing his PADD, he reaches into the utility belt Shikamaru lent him to pluck out a screwdriver and begins working on the bolts on the vent’s cover. “So, what? You thought I’d sack you because you happened to get stuck on a ship with your highschool sweetheart?”</p>
<p>“Not because of that,” Ino answers, sounding reluctant to elaborate. “Should we even be talking about this? It seems wildly inappropriate, all things considered.” </p>
<p>“As your direct superior, I should say no and keep the professional boundaries between us firmly drawn,” Shisui points out, plucking yet another screw from its socket and slipping it into the growing pile in his pocket. “But, as a fellow member of the gay community who lives for gossip, I give you full permission to keep going if it’ll make you feel better.” </p>
<p>“I guess it depends on whether or not you’re going to kick me off the ship for wanting to get back together with her,” Ino says, and Shisui pauses mid-screw to look over at her.</p>
<p>“Ah,” he mutters. “That <em> is </em> a complication.” </p>
<p>Exhaling sharply, Ino starts, words frantically rushing together, “I know, okay? I know it’s stupid and messy and makes no sense since the whole reason I broke up with Sakura was to focus on my career and interpersonal relationships are against Starfleet regulations so we’d both lose our jobs and--”</p>
<p>Making sure the grate is still mostly securely attached, Shisui scurries down the ladder and walks over to Ino, covering her trembling shoulders with his hands. “Ino, breathe. Neither one of you is going anywhere,” he promises, tone gentle. “The ship would be completely fucked without you and Sakura.”</p>
<p>“You’re not wrong,” she agrees with a small, teary sniffle. “People would definitely die.”</p>
<p>“That’s my girl,” he replies, releasing her after giving her a reassuring squeeze. Though he’s painfully aware of how ironic it is that he of all people is trying to give another person romantic advice, Shisui decides to take a stab at it regardless.  “Look, I’m going to tell you something important about Starfleet that I’ve learned over the years, and that’s when you’re really, <em> really </em> good at your job they don’t really care how you do it. I mean, yeah, if you’re running around committing human and non-human rights violations it’s, like, an issue--”</p>
<p>“As it should be,” Ino cuts in, looking concerned.</p>
<p>“Agreed,” Shisui says. “But as long as you’re putting in good results and you don’t cause too much trouble, you can kind of do what you want. How the hell else do you think I got a starship?” </p>
<p>“Was there a point to all this or…?”</p>
<p>“<em>The point</em>,” he stresses, “is that I’m of the same mind. I know Starfleet regulations like the back of my hand, but at the end of the day I think it’s more important to make choices that are right for you and the people around you, no matter what intergalactic policies have to say about it. If you’re not hurting anyone and your work isn’t suffering, what you do in your spare time is none of my damn business.” </p>
<p>Ino stares at him, disbelief written across her face. “Are you telling me to go after Sakura?” </p>
<p>“Nope,” Shisui says, climbing the ladder once more. “Just offering a little of my elder wisdom.</p>
<p>“You’re only four years older than me,” she points out, amused.</p>
<p>“<em>Elder wisdom</em>,” Shisui retorts firmly, resuming his work on the grate. </p>
<p>“Whatever you say, Captain.” Despite her teasing tone, Shisui can see the tension leave her frame and can’t help but smile to himself. “You’re pretty good at this, you know,” she adds, head tilted thoughtfully. </p>
<p>“What, catching tribbles?”</p>
<p>“Counseling people,” Ino clarifies as she sets the crate on the ladder’s top rung, making sure Shisui’s ready to catch the tribble colony. </p>
<p>“Well, don’t tell anyone; if people start to realize I actually have common sense they’ll never let me live.” After a bit of a battle, the last bolt pops out, and Shisui takes the vent cover in his hands, the cold metal biting into his skin. The plan is to snatch up as many of the tribbles as possible and bring them back to the Lab to get fixed, but the second Shisui removes the lid he realizes such a task will be easier said than done. </p>
<p>In seconds a flood of fluff rains down on him, and Shisui is quickly knocked off the ladder, hitting the ground with a thud. Blessedly Ino had moved out of the way just in time, meaning she’s spared from the small army of chittering creatures raining from the ceiling, leaving Shisui as their only victim. It doesn’t take long for him to be absolutely covered in the little bastards, his head the only thing left exposed. “This,” he says finally, spitting out the fur catching in his mouth, “is a lot more than twenty tribbles.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” Ino says, light eyebrows raised. “I guess they really do breed quickly.”</p>
<p>“Gee, you think?” he counters. The tribbles’ coats aren’t nearly as soft as they look and feels horrifically scratchy against his skin. Shisui can sense himself getting hot under their combined weight, sweat prickling at his scalp and on his brow. Unable to move and virtually helpless, he snaps, “Ino, please, for the love of God, call for backup.”</p>
<p>“Just one thing first.” Kneeling beside the mass of fuzz, Ino flips her PADD around and, of all things, takes a selfie with Shisui and his tormentors, her smile as wide as his scowl. He has half a mind to tell Ino off and moves to do just that, but oddly enough he just can’t get the words out. It’s almost as if his tongue is suddenly too big for his mouth, or maybe his throat is just too tight… </p>
<p>Worry suddenly fills Ino's face. “Um, Captain,” she begins nervously, “you don’t happen to have any allergies, do you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>While administering an EpiPen isn’t exactly the height of romance, Shisui won’t deny the odd flutter he feels at Itachi’s bossy insistence upon being the one to do the deed. Then again, said flutter could also be the result of heart palpitations. Either way, it’s a lot to handle at that moment. Though it’s not exactly his first dance with anaphylaxis (<em>that </em> happened the summer before he turned twelve when his dad took him and Anko to Martha’s Vineyard for a week and Shisui discovered, mid-lobster roll, that was he was allergic to shellfish) it doesn’t make the experience any less of a bitch to deal with, especially because all the itchiness and swelling and pinkness is doing Shisui’s vanity <em> no </em> favors. </p>
<p>Once his little medical emergency passes (and Itachi regrettably stops fretting over him) everyone’s attention turns back to the tribble trouble. The good news is that their hairbrained scheme has actually been fairly successful; most of the tribbles have been accounted for and gotten the snip, though there have been a handful of casualties due to Kisame and his voracious appetite. The bad news is that they honestly have no place to put the little suckers; Iota Geminorum IV, the tribbles’ homeworld, is way too close to Klingon territory for comfort, meaning they can’t just drop the creatures back at their little tribble houses and call it a day. Out of options, Shisui opts to temporarily stick them in cargo until an alternative makes itself known.</p>
<p>Three days and an ungodly amount of trilling later, salvation finds the Corvus. A small ranch smack dab in the middle of the US that runs a rescue for unwanted and mistreated space critters answers their pleas, more than willing to take the tribbles off their hands, and Shisui can’t set a course to them fast enough. Considering they’ve been bumming around Alpha Quadrant for the last month, it doesn’t take long for them to reach Earth, and it’s oddly nice to plant his feet in the soil of his home planet once more. Sure, the open plains of Upton, Wyoming are nothing like the dirty, crowded city streets of Boston, but the feel of fresh, non-synthetic oxygen in his lungs is sweet nonetheless. </p>
<p>As much as he’s glad to be rid of the tiny monsters, Shisui’s pleased to see they’re at least pawning the tribbles off to a decent place. The ranch is a beautiful, sprawling piece of land, with a collection of species from across the galaxy all living together in perfect harmony. Hilariously, the founder is a grizzled ex-Starfleet Commander, who shakes Shisui’s hand like he’s meaning to break it and watches the crew unload the tribbles with an impassive expression on his lined and weathered face. The old cowboy’s wife brings them homemade lemonade as they work, which Shisui’s eternally grateful for as he and a handful of Corvus personnel bake under the unforgiving midday sun. </p>
<p>It’s nearly dusk by the time they corral the furballs into their new pens, the sky a dusty rose streaked with fiery orange clouds, and Shisui can see his breath forming in front of him as the night rolls in. A lot of the crew is still walking the grounds, taking in the various animals on the property, while Shisui goes in search of a member from an entirely different alien species. For much of the de-tribbling process Itachi’s been a bit MIA, unusually far from Shisui’s reach, though multiple times Shisui did catch him staring at him from yards away.  It’s been happening more and more lately, moments when Shisui can feel his skin prickling and looks over to see Itachi watching him. And every time it does something hot and thick crawls through his body, something that takes way too damn much willpower to stomp out. Shisui worries that one of these days that willpower will run out, and when it happens he suspects they’ll <em> truly </em> be in the shit. </p>
<p>For now, Shisui’s perfectly composed when he finds Itachi, at least at first. It only takes a quick walk through the enclosures before he locates his First Officer leaning on the fence surrounding a herd of targs. The Klingon boars must be a domesticated line, considering they’re content to graze in the field and are making zero effort to pierce their Vulcan observer with the massive spikes jutting from their big, ugly heads. For a second Shisui simply stands there, quietly marveling in Itachi’s existence. It’s more than a little infuriating that Itachi is so fucking beautiful, all silky black hair and brilliant dark eyes, because no one should be that beautiful when they’re simultaneously so impossible; if nothing else, Shisui considers himself blessed that he’ll have something nice to look at when his heart inevitably starts eating itself inside his chest because of the sheer strength of his desire.  </p>
<p>“You know, with the way you’re always disappearing on us, one of these days I’m going to have to put a little cat bell on you,” he calls out finally, alerting Itachi to his presence as he walks closer. “Make it easier to hunt you down.” </p>
<p>“And yet you always seem to find me,” Itachi retorts, lips curled in good humor. </p>
<p>That’s just a little <em> too </em> on the nose for Shisui’s comfort. “Well, not everyone’s as talented as I am.”</p>
<p>“Or as meddlesome.”</p>
<p>Grinning, Shisui replies, “Can’t argue with that.” He settles beside Itachi easily, arm lightly pressed against Itachi’s own because he’s stupid and feels like flirting with danger tonight. For a moment they stand in silence, nothing filling the space between them but the soft snuffling of the hogs, before Shisui turns to Itachi and asks, “So, on a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to beat Kabuto’s ass for this mess?” In the end, his prediction to Ino had more or less come true; Shisui had given Kabuto a long, stern lecture for disobeying Itachi’s orders and warned him not to take such a dangerous action on his own again. He supposes whether or not the Cardassian actually listened to a word he said will be revealed to them in time. </p>
<p>“It is not in a Vulcan’s nature to resort to such carnal impulses--not anymore, at least,” Itachi amends, with a small frown, before continuing, “Truthfully, I feel as if my frustration with our current predicament is a tad hypocritical, given my own choices in life. For much of my career I have operated much like Kabuto has, prioritizing the bigger picture over smaller, more troublesome details.”</p>
<p>“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,” Shisui recites blandly; that turn of phrase has always been exceptionally unappealing to him, a person who prioritizes the little things in life, like rooting for the underdog and actually giving a fuck about other people. That said, he’s not so dumb that he doesn’t cotton onto the fact they’re now talking about a subject entirely separate from Kabuto and his mad scientist experiments, so he listens with patience and curiosity as Itachi continues. </p>
<p>“It is a philosophy I have faithfully upheld for many years, but now…” Itachi shakes his head and a few wisps of hair fall free from his ponytail at the motion. They brush against the curve of his jaw, and Shisui digs his nails into his palms to keep himself from pushing them back into place. “Now I am unsure. Every day I feel as if I wake up with far too many questions and fall asleep with far too few answers. It is a… perplexing sensation, to put it mildly.”</p>
<p>“I hate to say it, but that’s life for you, kid,” Shisui replies, as gently as he can. “It’s not as easy as your ethics books make it seem. Sometimes you have to make decisions based on what option sucks the least instead of what’s fundamentally good or right. Sometimes all you can do is survive and hope to make better choices down the road.”</p>
<p>Brows drawn together in frustration, Itachi asks, “How do you live like this? Without a blueprint to guide you or some frame of reference to ensure you have done what it is you are supposed to do?”</p>
<p>“Um, badly?” Shisui offers honestly, with an uncomfortable little laugh. “I don’t know what to tell you. Like, I wish I could wave a magic wand over your big-brained head and give you the answers, but quite frankly I’m just bumbling through my life trying not to fuck up royally in the process. And I think that’s pretty much what everyone else is doing, too.” Shrugging, he adds, “Maybe there’s no such thing as fate and no rule book to guide us through the world; maybe it’s just us, crashing into each other like stars and trying not to blow each other up in the process.” </p>
<p>Out of the corner of his eye, Shisui can see Itachi watching him, that same expression on his face that’s been appearing for weeks now. In response, he keeps his eyes looking straight ahead, as if he finds the space pigs unbearably interesting, and tries not to think about the way he can feel Itachi’s gaze move over the cut of his cheekbone and the slope of his nose. “I do not know if that makes me feel better,” Itachi says finally, breathing a small sigh, “but I also do not believe it has made me feel worse, either.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’ll take it,” he says with a wink, and Itachi quickly glances away; in the fading sunlight Shisui can just barely make out a flush at the tips of his pointed ears and tucks that knowledge away for future reference. For now, he tells Itachi, “Not that my opinion means much in the grand scheme of things, but I think you’re doing a damn good job so far.”</p>
<p>“Your opinion means more to me than you think, Captain.” Before Shisui can unpack whatever the hell <em> that </em> means, Itachi continues, “While the circumstances are not necessarily... ideal, I am glad to have this conversation with you; lately I feel as if things have been a bit tense between us; I was concerned I had done something to displease you.” </p>
<p>“Nah, nothing like that,” Shisui reassures him, an odd pang forming between his ribs at the idea of Itachi thinking such a thing. Truthfully he hadn’t thought he’d been acting all that different around Itachi recently, but trust the Vulcan to be annoyingly perceptive enough to sense a change in their personal equilibrium. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now, what with the whole ‘being in charge of thousands of lives’ thing and all.”</p>
<p>“I understand. If there is anything I can do to ease your burden--”</p>
<p>“You’ll be the first to know,” he promises, which isn’t exactly the truth, but isn’t fully a lie, either. Previously, Shisui’s never hesitated to approach his First Officer with his many, <em> many </em> problems; it’s just that he’d rather die than ever let Itachi know he’s going off the deep end with how much he wants to touch him. Skillfully redirecting the conversation, he says, “It’s funny; if someone had told me a year ago you’d be mother-hening me I would have told them they were nuts.”</p>
<p>“Much has changed since then.” There’s a tenderness in Itachi’s tone that forces Shisui to look at him once more, and it feels like the bottom has dropped out of his stomach when he does. He’s been around long enough to know what it means when someone looks at him like that, with lids lowered and lips parted, and the possibility that he’s not alone in his struggle is equal parts exhilarating and terrifying.</p>
<p>They’re close, way too close, both to each other and to the edge of some abyss Shisui knows they can’t come back from. It would be too easy to give into the heat he can feel even through the sleeve of Itachi’s uniform shirt, to reach the slightest bit forward and bring their fingers together. </p>
<p>So, Shisui doesn’t. Stepping back, he clears his throat and hoarsely replies, “We should--”</p>
<p>“Head back,” Itachi finishes, his gaze averted and eyes firmly focused on his feet. “I will prepare for our departure.” Before Shisui can react he’s gone, the sound of his boots crunching through the dry grass loud and fast before it disappears altogether.</p>
<p>With Itachi out of sight, the breath Shisui had been holding in claws its way out, his lungs rattling in his tight chest. Splinters prick at his hands as he clutches the wooden fence, trying to will away the horrible warmth pooling beneath his navel. In hindsight, this is exactly what he deserves; play with fire and you’re bound to end up alone and inconveniently horny in front of a herd of intergalactic swine. </p>
<p>Shisui lets his head hang between his outstretched arms, closing his eyes as he inhales sharply through his nose. It’s a comforting notion, the idea that one day he will stop feeling the ever-present, Itachi-shaped ache in his gut. </p>
<p>Too bad there isn’t a chance in hell that it’s gonna happen anytime soon.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He can still recall, with a horrific vividness, the warmth of Shisui’s body pressed against his own and the way his own pulse had thrummed in his ears. For a single, delirious moment he was convinced that the Captain was going to kiss him--and the most terrible part of all is that Itachi would have let him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>content warnings for multiple semi-graphic descriptions of violence and details of a pretty severe leg injury. also kisame definitely eats an octopus alive at some point; i have no idea how to warn for that, but it is absolutely a thing that happens in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>stardate 2267.243</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>At twenty-eight years of age, Itachi has never been the type of person to turn away from clearly-presented evidence, regardless of the emotions said evidence may stoke in him. That in mind, over the last few months there has been a single, unpleasant fact that has plagued him. It is one that he has been begrudgingly forced to accept because he cannot deny it no longer, and said fact is this: try as he might, Itachi cannot help but find Shisui Uchiha horribly, terribly, and <em> maddeningly </em> attractive.</p><p>Objectively speaking, Itachi has always been at least tangentially aware of the fact that Shisui is far from hideous. Using logic alone, he can acknowledge that Shisui’s features are pleasingly arranged and his charismatic wit is appealing without losing too much of his pride. Truthfully, even when he found the man repugnant he could recognize that there was a brightness within Shisui that could easily pull someone under his thrall. And now, to his immense frustration, recently Itachi has found himself yet another victim of Shisui’s lovely, long lashes and wide, dimpled-smile. It is, at risk of hyperbole, the very worst case scenario. </p><p>In his heart of hearts, Itachi is both a scientist and a doctor, meaning he’s more than capable of untangling the complicated threads of arousal and desirability to find their very unsexy center. He knows perhaps better than most the bland and boring hands that spin the wheel of reproduction, how simple matters like scents and pheromones have a habit of driving otherwise composed people into a frenzy. While Itachi has always retained a tight grasp on his more animalistic impulses because of his Vulcan upbringing, he’s not so high and mighty that he can’t admit, at least to himself, that he’s above possessing such urges in the first place. Because of this, he can accept and compartmentalize his more… lascivious sentiments towards Shisui. Yes, it’s uncomfortable and inconvenient, given their close working relationship and the respect he’s developed towards his Captain in the roughly eighteen months since they began this journey together. But sexual desire is a simple sensation that is easy to process and move on from--at least, Itachi believes that it <em> should </em> be. </p><p>Looking back, Itachi can recognize that this infatuation is not necessarily a sudden development. Though he would have rather died than confess it, he has always found Shisui attractive in a very un-objective sense, even if it was just on an aesthetic level. However, he had been burying the feeling since he was a teenager whose eye was all too often drawn to the other boy’s messy dark hair and infuriating laughter. The idea of wanting someone he believed to be so emotionally and morally repulsive was horrifying to Itachi’s impossibly high standards; thus, he had taken great care to repress such leanings until he found himself locked on a ship with an older and wiser and--tragically--even better looking Shisui. As their partnership improved, Itachi had suspected such feelings would pass, reasoned that once he knew Shisui as a person rather than an unknowable and unattainable figure he could put his inappropriate fascination to rest. </p><p>But if anything, the more time Itachi spends around Shisui the closer he feels to losing the tenuous grip on his emotions. Like a flower turning towards the sun, he can’t help but gravitate towards the warmth and pleasure of Shisui’s company. Even when every cell in his body tells him to do precisely the opposite, Itachi finds he cannot obey his own instincts. This is what he finds so frightening about the whole dilemma, because while it is one thing to experience a fleeting, physical attraction, it is a completely different scenario to feel intoxicated by a person’s kind heart or honest nature or even their at times bizarre and incalculable sense of humor. </p><p>That brings on a second revelation, perhaps even more scary than the first: despite the divide caused by their positions on the ship and the expectations set by Vulcan society for Itachi’s post-Corvus life, he can’t deny that he likes Shisui--a human man who is also his <em> superior officer</em>--very, <em> very </em> much. </p><p>And the absolute worst part, the suspicion that has begun to haunt Itachi as he lays in bed at night, awake and overstimulated from another day of close contact, is that he’s beginning to suspect he’s not the only person in such a predicament. </p><p>It is both a blessing and a curse that over the course of their travels together Itachi has become exceedingly skilled in reading Shisui. Though he’s never had a gift for deciphering emotions (a trait that caused more than a few problems between himself and the Captain at the start of their journey), Itachi was surprised to find that, after their time in the Borderland, he was actually quite adept in interpreting Shisui’s behavior. He suspects that most people would say it’s because Shisui is something of an open book, but Itachi would argue that assumption isn’t true at all. It is easy to tell when the Captain is pleased, because of the grin that crosses his face and the light that fills his eyes, bright as stars in the night sky. It is also easy to tell when the Captain is decidedly <em> not </em> pleased; though anger is a rare emotion on the man’s face, when it comes it sits in the harsh line between his brow and the tense set of his shoulders. Such extremes on the spectrum are obvious to most, Itachi can concede this.</p><p>But he knows, perhaps better than anyone save for Mitarashi, that there are many things Shisui is very careful not to share with those around him. Itachi is more than aware of the private and vulnerable pieces of Shisui that he keeps impossibly close to his chest, like the scarred yet never quite healed wound that is his father’s illness and his own personal battles with anxiety and inadequacies. More than once he’s watched Shisui fake a smile, putting on a mask to smooth over a difficult situation or to cover his own issues, and each time it startles Itachi with how naturally such transitions seem to come to Shisui. It makes him sad--almost bitter, in a way that he can’t quite access--that Shisui feels the need to stand alone, that he won’t open up to Itachi as he once did, back when they were on Risa. He watches Shisui more frequently than he should, both because of his concern for the man and the simple pleasure of taking in his features, each time wishing against logic and reason that Shisui will look back at him. And, every once in a while, Shisui does.</p><p>Itachi has no idea what to make of those moments. Such occurrences never last long, as the moment their eyes meet Shisui quickly glances away, shifting his attention to something else entirely. It could mean that he’s uncomfortable with the attention, which Itachi can understand; unfortunately, he’s not the only person who has noticed how handsome Shisui is, and the Captain has left a string of broken hearts in his wake composed of all the Officers and Ensigns on the Corvus he’s had to turn down. But that theory doesn’t seem plausible considering Shisui is always around him, even when he doesn’t need to be, and is always eager to welcome Itachi’s company. It also does not explain that odd incident at the ranch, now months past though it still burns bright in Itachi’s memory. He can still recall, with a horrific vividness, the warmth of Shisui’s body pressed against his own and the way his own pulse had thrummed in his ears. For a single, delirious moment he was convinced that the Captain was going to kiss him--and the most terrible part of all is that Itachi would have let him.</p><p>In the end, Shisui had done no such thing, and Itachi was left even more confused than before. Months later and he’s still confused, completely unsure of what to think of the odd push-pull dynamic that exists between them. He knows, in his heart of hearts, that it is for the best to leave the matter untouched and unexamined. Shisui is his Captain and nothing more; and even if he were, Itachi is keenly aware of the duties that await him back on Vulcan. The absolute last thing he should be doing with his life is getting caught up in an impossible affair, and yet… </p><p>Perhaps nothing has really changed since they boarded the Corvus together, considering that after all this time he still has no idea what to think of Shisui Uchiha. </p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>“You didn’t hear a damn thing I just said, did you?” Itachi glances up from the stack of papers in front of him to see Kisame staring at him expectantly, hairless brows drawn together in annoyance.</p><p>“On the contrary,” he replies evenly, “I am hanging on your every word.” With the matter settled to Itachi’s satisfaction, he turns back to his work; at this point he’s mere minutes from putting the final touches on his report for Shisui regarding his last assignment and is loath to delay submitting the dossier any longer. </p><p>Kisame scoffs. “Hilarious,” he mutters, though Itachi can tell there’s very little heat in his response. Over the course of their mission, Kisame has become one of his closest companions, meaning he knows the man well enough to suss out his teasing. </p><p>On the surface, the Antedian and the Vulcan have little in common, considering that Kisame is as brash as Itachi is measured, and Itachi is as pacifistic as Kisame is aggressive. But he has learned there’s a lot more beneath Kisame’s bloodthirsty, blue exterior, a hidden cleverness that Itachi instantly connected with. Plus, when he’s not swinging a giant sword around and insistent on mayhem, Kisame’s actually a very loyal and generous friend, and one of the few people who understands what it’s like to be--for lack of a better phrase--a fish out of water. Given that humans vastly outnumber the non-human members of the Corvus, every once in a while Itachi needs to spend time with a creature like himself, someone raised far from Earth’s confusing and muddled customs. </p><p>Humming thoughtfully, Itachi decides to offer a truce. “If you can give me one more moment of peace and quiet I will repay your kindness with my full attention.”</p><p>“Sure, sure,” Kisame says genially, turning back to his breakfast with a good-natured chuckle.</p><p>The morning rush swarms around them, dozens of Officers, Ensigns, and assorted Starfleet personnel starting their day with a hearty meal and a good dollop of socialization to top it off. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Kisame watching the crowd, alert as always. He often wonders what exactly happened in the man’s past to make him so eagle-eyed, but has yet to work up the courage to uncover what he suspects to be a very dangerous stone.</p><p>As promised, it doesn’t take much longer for Itachi to complete his task, and he sets his pen down with a flourish. “There,” Itachi breathes, lips curling with the pleasure of yet another job well done, “it is finished. Please, tell me more about this prank of yours. It sounds exceptionally... creative, so far.” </p><p>“You <em> were </em> listening!” Kisame exclaims, beaming. Belatedly, Itachi notices that his mouth is horrifically full with, of all things, a still-living octopus. The animal is lilac-colored and exceptionally squirmy, its tentacles pulling at Kisame’s face in a desperate attempt to save itself. One of its eight limbs snakes upwards, its tip brushing one of Kisame’s flared nostrils, and he sucks the cephalopod down in a single, hearty gulp, completely unbothered. </p><p>Repressing a shudder, Itachi says, “I have been known to do so on occasion.” </p><p>“Anyway! So I’ve got the hologram machine all set up in Suigetsu’s dorm, right? Like, she’s all coded and ready to rumble and then--BAM!” Kisame slams his palms down on the table, violently shaking it, and preemptively Itachi slides his files into his lap to keep them safe from Kisame’s storytelling. A few heads turn towards them, concerned, but Kisame continues, undaunted, “He comes runnin’ in and starts screaming like a damn banshee because he sees these little tiny bugs fuckin’ crawling all over his sheets! I mean, they are everywhere--<em>everywhere</em>--and it’s funny as hell. Well, until he started crying, but even then--” </p><p>Itachi has a moment to contemplate what constitutes the fine line between joking and outright hazing before Kisame stops short, looking over Itachi’s shoulder with a groan. “Ugh, forget it; you’re not gonna listen to shit now considering your boyfriend just walked in.” </p><p>Frowning, Itachi twists at his middle to follow Kisame’s line of sight, and is wholly unsurprised to see Shisui strolling into the Mess Hall. It’s early morning as far as space time goes, meaning he’s still blinking the sleep from his eyes and on the hunt for a cup of coffee. Fondness unfurls around Itachi’s heart and he bites back the smile he can feel creeping across his face lest Kisame notice. He’s already caught plenty of flack from his companion for his wandering eyes, meaning there’s simply no need to add any more fuel to the fire. “I will not even dignify that with a response,” Itachi says stiffly as he turns to face Kisame once more. </p><p>“And yet here you are, responding,” he counters with a wicked grin that shows off each one of his pointed teeth; bits of purple flesh are stuck between some of his canines. Before Itachi can get another word in, Kisame yells out, “Yo, Cap’n!” and waves a large hand above his head wildly. </p><p>Shisui, who is more than a little afraid of Kisame, looks momentarily startled, but the apprehension relaxes from his frame once he sees Itachi is keeping him company. “My lovely crew,” he greets them as he approaches, a mug of steaming hot coffee in one hand and a stacked plate of rations in the other. “How’s the day treating you so far?”</p><p>“Great! I was just telling Itachi here about how I scared the shit out of Suigetsu the other day,” Kisame replies sunnily, and Shisui grimaces.</p><p>“Yeah, about that,” he says. “Maybe we don’t inflict psychological warfare on our fellow travellers? It’s kind of… unethical.”</p><p>“But <em> funny</em>,” Kisame insists.</p><p>“Won’t deny that,” Shisui agrees, to which Itachi swallows down a laugh. “But next time if you’re going to punk the kid, do it in a way that’s a little less traumatizing, okay?” </p><p>“Can do, bossman.”</p><p>“Fantastic. So, now that we’ve gotten <em> that </em> little matter taken care of…” Shisui turns to Itachi, features smoothing out, and in return Itachi takes care to keep his own expression neutral as the Captain looks him over. “I don’t suppose you’ve got my report on hand, do you?”</p><p>Itachi nods, pulling the stack of papers from their hiding spot to hand them off. “You have excellent timing,” he says. “I finished it just moments ago.”</p><p>After a moment of precarious rearranging, Shisui slips the files underneath his right arm. “Karin and Kabuto’s findings are in here, too?”</p><p>“Everything you need to know has been included,” Itachi answers, which is close enough to the truth that it doesn’t conflict with his Vulcan aversion to lying. </p><p>“Who’s better than you?” Shisui asks with a grin. Itachi says nothing, a knot suddenly forming in his throat, and across the table Kisame snorts into his tea. Sensing the change in atmosphere, Shisui says, “Well, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, duty calls. Enjoy the rest of your, uh…” He narrows his eyes at the ink stain on Kisame’s plate, top lip wrinkling in disgust. “... live squid?”</p><p>“Right on the money!” Kisame crows.</p><p>“Great,” the Captain replies slowly. “Mhm, yep. Real great.” Giving Itachi one last wary glance, Shisui slips through the crowd and disappears completely. Once he’s gone, Itachi’s attention wanders back to Kisame, currently watching him with a smug smile, and his mood sours completely. </p><p>“Not a word,” he warns, and Kisame simply cackles loudly in reply. </p><p>With friends like these, Itachi suspects he will never need enemies. </p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>It’s a surprise when, only a few hours later, Shisui summons Itachi to his quarters. It isn’t the act itself that throws him off balance, given that Shisui is almost always requesting that Itachi make an appearance to perform various tasks. Usually he’s happy to comply, especially considering that being at the Captain’s beck and call is technically in his job requirements. But every once in a while he wonders if Shisui’s roping him in purely because he simply wants to see Itachi rather than having an actual need for him.</p><p>This, however, is not one of those times. More than anything it is Shisui’s tone over the PADD that has Itachi on edge when he enters the Captain’s chambers. “Is there something I can do for you?” he asks as he settles into one of the antique leather chairs placed in front of Shisui’s desk.</p><p>“I believe there is,” the man answers, his eyes still on the paperwork in front of him. “I would really love it if you could explain exactly how stupid you think I am.”</p><p><em> That </em> is about the last response Itachi is expecting; while Itachi had suspected Shisui was upset over something, never in a million years would he have guessed it was related to <em> him</em>. “I beg your pardon?” </p><p>Shisui looks up at him, mouth tense. “Believe me when I say that acting clueless is only going to make me crankier.” </p><p>“I take it you… are angry with me?” he asks, voice uneven in its confusion. At this point it’s been so long since he’s been on the receiving end of Shisui’s fury, and it is safe to say he has not missed the sensation. </p><p>“Can’t exactly say I’m happy, considering you lied to me.”</p><p>“I did not--”</p><p>“You omitted the truth which, funnily enough, in my book counts as a lie,” Shisui argues, and Itachi swallows the foul taste building on his tongue. “I asked you, flat-out, if Kabuto and Karin’s notes were included. And instead of just saying, ‘no, Shisui, actually I decided to blow off the assignment you specifically gave me so I could do everything on my own,’ you let it be a fun toy surprise I got to discover all by myself.” </p><p>It is a bit absurd to Itachi that such a small task has so quickly ballooned into such a significant argument. Earlier in the week Shisui had asked Itachi and the Science Department to perform a routine analysis on the Corvus’ water supply to ensure the metals were still being appropriately stripped. It was a simple request, though admittedly one that required a substantial amount of Itachi’s time and energy, but in the end he was both willing and able to complete it--alone. In fact, recently Itachi has preferred to complete many of his tasks without his crewmembers because he is as confident in his own abilities as he is unsure of their own. Up until this moment no one has been worse off for such a decision, but trust Shisui to make a production out of his decision. </p><p>“After carefully evaluating the perimeters of what you required of me, I deduced that it would be more effective to save time and manpower by performing the job myself,” Itachi explains, which causes Shisui to roll his eyes in return.</p><p>“This is the <em> third time </em> you have ‘carefully evaluated’ away a job I gave you,” he stresses. “The first time, I gave you the benefit of the doubt and let it slide. The second time, I let it go again because you are my favorite and I’m a softie. But three times?” Itachi opens his mouth to counter Shisui’s points, but the man continues, calmer than before, “I don’t want to twist your arm and order you to do the things I’m asking for. Honestly, that’s pretty much the last thing I want to do as your Captain. But is that what I <em> have </em> to do to make sure they actually get done?”</p><p>Itachi has no response, merely shifts his gaze to where the offending documents lay in front of Shisui. Never one to be scolded, he isn’t entirely sure how to react. During his lifetime he has been a perfect child, then a perfect student, and finally a perfect member of Starfleet. Yet here he sits, getting lectured by a man he’s smitten with. It’s the worst kind of humiliation.</p><p>He must look as miserable as he feels, because after a moment Shisui sighs heavily and walks out from behind his desk, moving to stand in front of Itachi.  “I’m not trying to be an asshole,” the Captain starts, much softer than before, “but I need to know that I can trust you.”</p><p>“Of course you can trust me,” Itachi says, his head snapping up to meet Shisui’s eyes, because the idea of Shisui <em> not </em> trusting him is simply unthinkable. </p><p>Something warm and sweet crosses Shisui’s face at Itachi’s fierce tone. “Then what is with the lone wolf attitude all of a sudden? For a while it looked like you were really getting along with everyone.”</p><p>Truthfully it’s cruel of Shisui to look at him like that, because when under the weight of his kind yet penetrating gaze Itachi is utterly helpless. “You should know that I hold myself responsible for the… tribble incident,” he begins stiffly, an embarrassed flush prickling at his cheeks. </p><p>“Oh, my God, seriously? That happened months ago!” Shisui laughs. Itachi narrows his eyes in response, and the Captain adds, apologetic,  “I’m sorry, I promise I’m not laughing at you; it’s just that there’s no point in beating yourself up over something so silly.”</p><p>A tad mollified, Itachi replies, “It was my duty to be more observant, and I failed; that does not seem like a silly thing to be concerned about it.”</p><p>“It’s also your duty to lead your team, not keep the entire Science Department in a stranglehold so they can never fuck up again,” Shisui points out gently. “Sometimes being a leader means pushing the baby birds out of the nest and seeing if they can actually fly. And being a First Officer means that sometimes you have to play nice and work with your crewmembers.” </p><p>“We work perfectly well together.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I’m not the only person on this ship.” For a single wistful moment Itachi allows himself to wonder what that reality would look like before he swiftly squashes the notion entirely. “Mistakes get made. It doesn’t mean you throw someone away like yesterday’s garbage. Give them a chance to make it up to you, if not for their sake then at least for mine.” </p><p>Though Itachi is tempted to cling to his Vulcan tenacity, deep down he knows Shisui is right. Reluctantly, he decides to lay his verbal weapons down and take his punishment in stride. “You must be disappointed in me,” he murmurs, feeling oddly vulnerable. </p><p>“Never,” Shisui promises, and Itachi has to look away at the sincerity etched across the Captain’s face. He’s so nakedly earnest it makes Itachi feel like the floor has collapsed beneath them. It’s as if he is currently in freefall, lost drifting through space. </p><p>The change in atmosphere must be evident, because seconds later Shisui is walking behind his desk and announcing, “If you’re looking to turn over a new leaf, you’re in luck: Command just dropped a new mission on us.” </p><p>Even though he’s quietly put out at the loss of close contact, nevertheless Itachi switches his focus to his duty on the Corvus. “What is expected of us this time?” </p><p>“Brass wants us to check out this little Class L moon in the Gamma Quadrant and see if it’s fit for terraforming,” Shisui answers, opening his PADD to forward the details to Itachi’s own device. As Itachi’s eyes scan Starfleet Command’s missive, he continues, “Apparently there hasn’t been any fauna located, but given that there’s a diverse amount of flora it’s safe to say there’s probably water in the core. The atmosphere is breathable to humans and humanoid species without life support equipment, and the climate appears to be pretty mild to boot.” </p><p>“It sounds like an ideal location for colonization.”</p><p>“A little too ideal if you ask me,” Shisui says. “I’m not convinced that there isn’t some sort of big bad lurking beneath the surface that no one’s stumbled across yet, and I’m even more suspicious considering this whole adventure involves copious amounts of caving. Our benevolent overlords want you to assess as much of the moon as possible, but if anything goes wrong I want you to scuttle out of there faster than a Tarkanian field mouse.”</p><p>Itachi glances up at the Captain, brows raised. “I assume this means you will not be accompanying me, then?”</p><p>“Nah, I figured I’d stick around here, give you a little time to bond with your crew.”</p><p>“How generous of you.” </p><p>“I’m a giver,” Shisui says, winking. “In fact, I’m so nice I’ll even let you pick the team. How’s that sound?” </p><p>With a slight smirk, Itachi replies. “An easy decision: I will have Karin and Kisame join me.”</p><p>“Talk about shooting fish in a barrel.” While Itachi isn’t familiar with that specific human parlance, he catches onto Shisui’s meaning when the man adds, “Of course you picked the two people you get along with best.”  </p><p>“Merely a coincidence, Captain; Karin happens to have an affinity for speleology, and I cannot think of a better companion than Kisame if one is in crisis.” </p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Shisui mutters, but there’s no animosity in his voice. It would appear they have returned to their familiar camaraderie, to Itachi’s immense relief. “Go get ready for your little family trip; we’ll be hitting the surface by tomorrow morning.”</p><p>Itachi says, “I look forward to it,” and to his surprise actually means it. After all, a mission exploring an untouched land with Karin’s intelligence and Kisame’s steadfast nature to guide him sounds like an ideal scenario for Itachi.</p><p>(In hindsight, it is perhaps this naivety that leads to their downfall.)</p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>The anonymous Gamma Quadrant moon, so remote in the grand scheme of the Federation that it’s yet to even be named, appears to be a relatively peaceful location. As expected Itachi and his team run into no animal life as they make their trek through the moon’s dense forests, though Itachi doesn’t much mind their absence. If anything, the silence makes it that much easier to concentrate on the task at hand. The land around them is plain and unassuming, a mixture of muted greens and dull browns. Vegetation covers the moon, with bushes and trees very similar to Earth foliage as far as the eye can see, which is no doubt a promising sign. With any luck, their findings today will prove that this small ecosystem is more than capable of containing much more life than humble stems and leaves. </p><p>It takes less than twenty minutes for them to arrive at the lip of the first cave marked for exploration. The three members of the Corvus drop the duffle bags of equipment they’ve been carrying on the ground with a thud that echoes in the empty air around them. Itachi kneels down to begin assembling the external transmitters to ensure they can stay in contact with the ship; because of the cave’s structure, it’s notoriously difficult to maintain a radio signal, but Itachi is hopeful that the technology they’ve brought with them can overcome this barrier. If it cannot, he only prays that they won’t find any trouble waiting for them down below. </p><p>While Itachi prepares their various telecommunication devices, Karin takes the lead in setting up their rigging system. Itachi had learned of Karin’s interest in caving and her undergraduate studies in xenospeleology early on in their shared time together, making her the ideal candidate to guide newcomers like Kisame and himself through the precarious underground pathways. Though he offers to assist her Karin is quick to blow him off, preferring to go through the prepwork herself, and idly Itachi wonders if this is him getting a taste of his own medicine. That said, aware of his own inadequacy in this particular area, he’s content to sit back, watch, and learn from the expert. Karin moves quickly and efficiently as she goes through the process of assembling the rig, binding their rope, and attaching spotlights to each of their helmets. After a fascinating fifteen minutes, she turns to Itachi and Kisame with a proud and wild grin, proclaiming, “All ready for ya!”</p><p>As they suit up, Itachi is reminded of the time his mother tried (and failed, quite miserably) to teach him to rollerblade. Though he feels a tad ridiculous in their elbow and knee pads, along with the heavy rain boots and the absolutely massive helmet, he’s quick to get on board. That said, one member of their party is a little less than eager to get started.</p><p>“We’re really going down there?” Kisame asks, eyeing the hole at their feet uneasily. “Like, <em> actually </em> going down there?”</p><p>“Kisame, it would have been nice to know that you were claustrophobic before we landed,” Itachi replies, more than a little irritated to look up and see Kisame’s face is a paler shade of blue than normal. </p><p>“Hey!” The Antedian objects with a frown. “For your information I don’t discriminate against anyone! Your business is your business, you know what I’m saying?”</p><p>“That is not--” Itachi closes his eyes, inhaling and exhaling through his nose for a few moments to keep his composure. “As lovely as I find your accepting nature, I was referring to a fear of small, tight spaces.”</p><p>“Oh,” he says, eyes widening with recognition, “Yeah, no, that actually fits.” </p><p>“Lighten up, ya big guppy,” Karin cajorles as she snaps the harness around her waist into place. “What’s the worst that can happen?”</p><p>Kisame looks at her skeptically. “You’re gonna wish you didn’t speak that shit into existence.” </p><p>Feeling impatient, Itachi turns to his friend and asks, “Kisame, will you be coming with us or not?”</p><p>After a long pause the man mutters, “I guess,” and reluctantly begins to put on his gear.</p><p>In the meantime, Itachi switches on the earpiece carefully tucked between the straps of his helmet. As it buzzes to life, he calls out, “Captain, can you hear me?”</p><p>“Loud and clear,” Shisui replies almost instantly. “You kids having fun yet?”</p><p>Itachi watches as Karin walks an apprehensive Kisame through the game-plan for the day, an action that only seems to worsen his anxiety. “That remains to be seen.” </p><p>It takes a handful of troublesome minutes filled with bickering on both sides before Karin finally gives Itachi a thumbs up. “Ready to rock and roll!”</p><p>Given her experience with the activity, Karin chooses to go first. She disappears almost immediately after attaching her rope, descending into the dark pit with an excited cry. Once she’s settled into position and confirms it’s safe for her companions to enter, it’s Itachi turn to enter. He flashes Kisame a small, reassuring smile before following Karin and dropping into the abyss. </p><p>As he goes through the motions of moving down the rope, the sensation of hanging in mid-air is not nearly as disquieting as he expected. The harness snugly holds his weight (though admittedly not very comfortably), and as long as he works the rope slowly he doesn’t sway enough for it to be truly disconcerting. While it takes longer than he had hoped it would, eventually he feels Kisame’s weight on the rope and looks to see the man above him; in the harsh brightness of his helmet’s light he can faintly make out the trembling of Kisame’s form, and Itachi feels his lips curve in fond sympathy. </p><p>Much of the journey is silent, with the three crewmembers saying precious little to one another. Shisui’s equally quiet in Itachi’s ear, choosing occasional check-ins over his characteristic chatter, and Itachi finds himself missing the familiar noise. They travel for a few hours, observing the damp landscape around them, before Itachi decides they should take a break. Though he can go much longer before breaking into their small pack of rations, he suspects Kisame might pass out from the vapors if Itachi and Karin egg him on any further. Perching on a small ledge to their right, he is content to sit quietly while Karin nibbles on a granola bar and Kisame swallows down, of all things, a series of whole anchovies. </p><p>“You’re a very strange man,” Karin declares, narrowing her eyes behind the fogged lens of her glasses. </p><p>Kisame shrugs. “I get that a lot.” </p><p>Not long after that they resume their journey, plumbing even farther depths as the day goes on. For much of the trek their adventure is pleasantly uncomplicated, and both Itachi and Karin are able to collect the samples and information that they need. Even Kisame seems to relax, offering far fewer complaints the more they explore. Overall, it seems as if the entire affair is destined to proceed flawlessly. </p><p>Naturally, the moment Itachi has that thought is exactly when everything begins to go wrong. </p><p>He’s carefully scooping water from a small puddle on another of the cave’s ledges when Karin makes a thoughtful noise from her perch on the rope. “Huh,” she murmurs, “that’s weird.”</p><p>“That is <em> so </em> not what I want to hear,” Kisame retorts from his position beside Itachi. </p><p>Ignoring him, Itachi screws a lid on his vial and asks, “What is this issue?” </p><p>“Our compass is totally out of whack,” Karin replies, peering down at him with a frown. “The dial’s moving all over the place.” </p><p>“We’re gonna die,” Kisame says, panicked, and above them Karin scoffs.</p><p>“We’re not,” she insists. As if on cue, the cave starts shaking around them, dust coating the air, and Karin begins swinging violently back and forth on their line. “Oh, fuck, we <em> are </em> gonna die! Go, go, go!” </p><p>In seconds Karin is scurrying up the rope, climbing with an impressive speed, while Kisame jumps into action to follow her. Determined not to let the assignment go to waste, Itachi gathers their equipment and findings as quickly as possible before joining his fleeing crewmembers. It proves to be a near-fatal mistake as the moment Itachi steps towards the edge to take the line the cave gives a particularly powerful lurch, the walls groaning as they shift, and he loses his footing entirely. Before he can even process what’s happening he’s thrown from the ledge and failing through the air, Karin and Kisame’s cries echoing through the cave as he plummets. The last thing Itachi recalls before the world disappears completely is pain rippling through his body, and that’s when he succumbs to the dark.</p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>Unsurprisingly, the first thing Itachi hears as he’s drifting back to consciousness is Shisui’s voice. </p><p>“--chi! Can you hear me?” The Captain calls for him, the sound vibrating inside Itachi’s aching skull. His words are nearly drowned out by static, the signal getting more and more choppy. “<em>Itachi</em>!”</p><p>“I am here,” he croaks in response.</p><p>“Oh, thank God.” Shisui’s sigh of relief is audible through his headset. “Are you alright?” </p><p>That is truly the question of the hour, though Itachi suspects he already knows the answer. For a moment he focuses on getting his bearings. Miraculously his lamp is still functional, and Itachi uses the much-needed light to look around him. Though he’s nowhere near as adept at caving as Karin, he thinks it’s safe to assume that he has fallen quite far down the clearing. There are boulders surrounding him, and above him he can hear Karin and Kisame’s muffled voices, a fact he is thankful for. </p><p>However, Itachi is significantly less thankful for his own current state. Wetness slides down his scalp and seeps into his hair. After carefully sliding his fingers through the tresses he’s grateful to discover it’s cave water and not the blood he suspected. But that’s about where the good news ends, as Itachi becomes painfully aware of the agony brewing in his right leg. While he knows he will not like what he sees, Itachi’s just as sure that he must look. So, with his stomach churning, he gently lifts his head to take in the sight of his ruined leg. His pants are predictably stained dark green, but that is nothing compared to the image of gleaming white bone, the tip jagged and bloody, protruding from the limb. While it is not the first time Itachi’s been confronted with such a gruesome break, it is the first time he’s suffered an injury on this scale himself, and the knowledge of this leaves him shaking. “Not… exactly,” he finally replies. </p><p>“What the hell does that mean?” Shisui asks, impatient.</p><p>“My leg is broken,” Itachi says, breathing harshly. “Badly.” </p><p>“How bad?”</p><p>“At the risk of being vulgar, the insides are currently on the outside.” </p><p>Shisui swears in his ear, loud and vicious, before demanding over the Corvus’ intercom that Sakura report to the bridge immediately. </p><p>Motion overhead catches Itachi’s attention, and he looks up to see both Karin and Kisame climbing down the precarious rocky patch to meet him. “Itachi!” Kisame calls out, hefting his weight over a boulder and jogging over to Itachi’s prone form. “You’re okay!”</p><p>“I suppose that depends on your definition of ‘okay,’” Itachi chokes out as they draw closer.</p><p>Grimacing, Karin takes in the sight of his ruined leg and says, “Definitely not that.” </p><p>Kisame kneels beside Itachi and places a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a doctor, right?” he asks Karin. “So--doctor him already!”</p><p>Hissing, Karin retorts, “I have a phD in ecology, not medicine, dumbass!” </p><p>“This is all terribly reassuring,” Itachi announces, to no one in particular. A dreadful feeling of deja vu creeps into his mind, in between bouts of searing pain. “Why must I always be the one who gets lost in uncharted territory?”</p><p>“You’re just that lucky, pal,” Kisame offers.</p><p>“It is always the caves,” Itachi mutters. “Nothing good ever happens to me when I am in a cave.”</p><p>The sound of Shisui and Sakura speaking to each other, quick and rough, fills his ear before Shisui instructs, “Itachi, give Karin your earpiece. I’m gonna have Sakura walk her through how to set up a splint.”</p><p>“That is highly unnecessary,” Itachi says, audibly wincing as another stabbing wave of agony rolls through him. “Need I remind you that I am a doctor, meaning I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” From his position he can just barely make out the Uzumaki’s snort of disbelief as she takes in the exchange between them. </p><p>“I am ordering you to hand it over--<em>now</em>,” Shisui counters, all cold authority, and as annoying as he finds the gesture Itachi won’t deny him. With a scowl, he pulls the little machine out of his ear and places it in Karin’s outstretched palm.</p><p>To her credit, Karin immediately gets to work, pulling her filthy red hair into a tiny ponytail before tackling the mess in front of her. Having stabilized many fractures in his lifetime, Itachi does not have to watch her motions to know the steps she is about to take. But as he is still sour over his relative lack of agency in his own healthcare, he cannot help but observe as Karin goes through the process of saving his leg, if not his life. Now more than ever he is grateful for his Vulcan constitution, as he’s less susceptible to going into shock than a mere human would be. But it still lingers over them, along with the very real possibility of infection given their dingy surroundings, and Itachi prays that Sakura’s impeccable medicinal abilities manage to transfer digitally. </p><p>The first step is to assess just how severe the damage actually is. While the break is glaringly obvious, it might not be the only issue, so Karin pulls off his boot before using her pocket knife to cut through Itachi’s kneepad and up the length of his pantleg. Though the tissue is slightly bruised and a tad swollen, to everyone’s relief nothing that requires immediate attention is uncovered. After testing how much feeling Itachi has left in his leg (everything so far, but the longer this excursion goes on the less likely it is that the situation will stay that way), Karin begins the unpleasant process of applying a tourniquet. She cuts into the shirt not so generously donated by Kisame--who sulks next to Itachi over the loss--before she begins to bind, careful not to jostle the exposed bone. Were it Itachi or Sakura performing the job it would be best to reset his fractured tibia, but given Karin’s level of inexperience all she can do is avoid touching it to prevent causing further injury. </p><p>Once the bleeding is temporarily stifled, it’s time for the most difficult task of all: assembling the splint itself. For this, Karin dives into the one equipment bag that managed to survive the catastrophe, frantically searching for anything she can use to bracket the limb. While not ideal, she snaps off the tripod legs from their camera (a feat of strength that Itachi finds the tiniest bit unnerving) and sets them around Itachi’s own leg. Frowning, she looks up at his face, and says, “This is probably going to hurt.”</p><p>“With respect, at the moment everything hurts,” Itachi replies grimly.</p><p>“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she mutters, which is about all the notice Itachi gets before she dives in. </p><p>In the end, the entire process is finished faster than Itachi would have expected, and certainly more effective. Peering down at Karin’s frenzied patchjob, he is forced to admit, albeit reluctantly, that she did an above-average job. While it’s no substitute for legitimate medical care, it is certainly better than nothing. As long as they’re not trapped down here indefinitely, Itachi should recover.</p><p>That thought brings up the next pressing issue: actually escaping this miserable labyrinth. The earpiece remains in Karin’s possession, so Itachi just barely hears the details of their rescue operation. Beaming is out of the question because of the rockslide, and it’s nearly impossible to tell how far underground they’re trapped. It’s going to take the crew a ridiculously long time to dig them out, if they can at all. Even better, with Itachi’s current condition there’s no way they can travel, meaning all they can do is sit still and wait for either help or death to find them.</p><p>It is not a prospect that sits well with any of them, but it agrees with Karin least of all. “Fuck this,” she snaps, standing to assemble her gear. “I’m not going to just sit on my ass until the Corvus pries us out of here.” She plucks the radio from her ear and tosses it to Kisame, who stumbles to catch it. As Kisame gapes at her, she explains, “I’m going to look around, see if there are any natural pathways that can get us closer to the surface.”</p><p>“What the hell are <em> we </em> supposed to do?” Kisame asks, slightly hysterical. </p><p>“Nothing,” Karin says firmly. “I’m the only one down here who knows their shit, so the best thing you can do is stay here until I come back. Keep the Captain updated and look after Itachi.” Without another word she launches onto one of the boulders and nimbly climbs over the patch before vanishing entirely. </p><p>Kisame sighs, “Well, this sucks,” before turning to Itachi and asking, “Don’t suppose you’ve got a deck of cards or anything to pass the time, do you?”</p><p>Itachi can only groan in reply. It’s going to be a long, <em> long </em> wait. </p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>After an untold time in the darkness, Itachi finds himself adjusting to the empty blackness around them. What he isn’t prepared for is said darkness to start <em> moving</em>. </p><p>At first Itachi suspects it's Karin returning and prepares to greet her accordingly, but he is quickly corrected when the figure begins making a high-pitched clicking noise. Very carefully he watches as the shadow crawls along the boulders to his left, climbing down the rocky patch, its head swaying from side to side curiously. Kisame’s gaze is just as intent as the creature moves closer, and as it does Itachi understands one very important fact: they’re being hunted.</p><p>With the creature less than ten feet from them, Itachi’s able to get a better look at it. The scent of rotten meat wafts from their visitor, as does the smell of its damp, shaggy fur. Long back legs and an even longer set of winged forearms push the beast forward as it inspects its surroundings. Overall it looks like an overgrown bat, a monster nearly the size of himself, possessing a smashed-in face totally devoid of eyes. That in mind, Itachi suspects the beast is hunting by sound and scent, meaning it will take a steady yet precise strike to take it down. </p><p>Fortunately for Itachi, there are few men more adept in the art of killing than Kisame Hoshigaki. Moving in eerie silence, Kisame slowly rises from his position next to Itachi and stalks towards the creature. He falls in step with it, lingering behind and waiting for the right moment to pounce. The action is as fascinating as it is horrifying, and Itachi finds he can’t look away when Kisame attacks. In one fluid and brutally efficient motion Kisame jumps onto the beast’s back and tackles it to the ground. Beneath his weight the animal flails, aggressive in its fear, but the terrible moment doesn’t last long. Bringing his hand to the top of the creature’s skull, Kisame twists his wrist violently and snaps its neck, the crunch of its bones echoing throughout the cave. </p><p>Despite himself, Itachi winces at the display. While he knows it’s a necessary evil, his strict beliefs will never allow him to rejoice at such a merciless death. Nausea pulls at his stomach and chills prickle down his spine, sensations Itachi can only assume are the result of an especially visceral reaction to the violence. </p><p>But Kisame, most likely incapable of such things as mercy and compassion, merely grins in victory.  “You see that?” he crows. </p><p>Itachi raises his eyebrows, unimpressed. “Oh, did something happen? I had not noticed.” Deadpan, he adds, “I recommend you keep your voice down. It is highly doubtful that the creature is the only one of its kind; the last thing we want to do is bring the rest of its clan down on our heads.”</p><p>Kisame grins, bloodthirsty as ever. “Speak for yourself.” </p><p>Suppressing an eyeroll, Itachi instructs, “Bring that animal to me. I need to examine it.” </p><p>With a shrug, Kisame thankfully complies, effortlessly throwing the beast over his shoulder and depositing it beside Itachi. It takes more than a little help from Kisame for him to maneuver into a position that allows him to perform the universe’s most atypical autopsy. While there are some things that are simply impossible to achieve in their current predicament, Itachi resolves to do the little he can to analyze the creature. Once Itachi slides down the creature’s middle Kisame uses his considerable strength to crack the animal’s ribcage, prying the bones apart so Itachi can get a look at its innards. </p><p>As he analyzes the creature, Itachi feels an immense fatigue pushing down onto his body, but attempts to work through his discomfort. His hands move sluggishly, motions far more clumsy than his usual surgical precision. Next to him Kisame watches, concern painted across his face at Itachi’s fumbling. “Dude,” Kisame begins nervously, “you look like shit right now. Maybe you should…”</p><p>“I am <em> fine</em>,” Itachi insists, ignoring the slight slur in his words, and resumes his task. Taking in the structure of the beast’s organs, Itachi is disturbed to see that the biology is uncomfortably humanoid. The placement of its heart, lungs, and digestive tract are eerily similar to many of the patients he has seen over the years. Given this internal construction, he comes to a single, unpleasant conclusion: they have no choice but to die in this cave. </p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Starfleet General Order One,” more commonly known as “the Prime Directive,” has been Starfleet’s guiding principle since the creation of the organization. Learning from the mistakes of past civilizations, Starfleet walks a fine line between exploring the universe and respecting it. This is why all future Starfleet personnel learn almost immediately of the Prime Directive, the law that states their organization cannot interfere with less-developed cultures and societies. From the very beginning all those that enter the Academy are taught, without a shadow of a doubt, that they are expendable, and that no life is more important than upholding this belief. </p><p>Predictably, Kisame doesn’t much care for the Prime Directive. “If you expect me to kick the bucket in this shithole you’re out of your Vulcan mind,” he snaps. </p><p>“It is not as if such an idea brings me any joy or pleasure. I do not want any of us to die, nor do I relish the thought of dying myself. But it is the law, Kisame, and it exists for a reason,” Itachi explains, as he has explained about a dozen times before, his patience thinning. He doesn’t bother reminding Kisame to keep his voice down lest he send more of the creatures swarming towards them, suspecting it will lead to yet another useless lecture. </p><p>“Fuck the law!” the shark retorts. “Why should I care about the law? I kill people for a living!”</p><p>Such a sentiment is far too loaded for Itachi to unpack in this particular moment. Instead of even attempting such a feat, he says, “We must radio the Captain and inform him of this discovery. He has to know not to come for us.”</p><p>Kisame looks at him as if <em> he </em> has suddenly sprouted wings. “Are you nuts? There’s no way in hell he’s going to leave anyone down here, let alone <em> you</em>.” </p><p>Objectively speaking, given their current predicament Kisame’s statement is precisely the last thing Itachi should be focusing on. Despite this, Itachi cannot force himself to move past the words. It’s as if his brain has become one of the Captain’s well-loved ancient records, stuck in its player and clicking uselessly as it attempts to spin. It is one thing for Itachi to ponder about his place in Shisui’s life; it is something else entirely for Kisame to suggest Itachi occupies such a large portion of his heart. “You are being ridiculous.”</p><p>“Uh, no!” Kisame scoffs. “<em>You’re </em> ridiculous if you think that guy’s not going to come charging into this place to drag you out of it!” </p><p>“What you are suggesting is highly unprofessional, not to mention debatably unethical--”</p><p>“Oh, blah, blah, freakin’ <em> blah</em>.” Kisame even has the gall to make talking gestures with his hands, which, quite frankly, seems insulting to them both. “I can’t believe this! You’re sitting here fucking dying and we’re wasting time arguing about politics!”</p><p>“I am <em> not </em> dying.”</p><p>“Yes, you are! I’ve taken enough lives to know what it looks like when someone’s about to meet their maker, and you’re doing the world’s greatest impression of a corpse right now.” Hearing the words out loud drains much of Kisame’s anger, and he simply stares at Itachi sadly. “Look, point stands: Captain isn’t going to abandon us no matter what, so we might as well make it easier for him to find us.”</p><p>“I think I have a plan,” a voice calls out, and Kisame and Itachi turn to see a dusty and grimly determined Karin staring at them. “Mind you, it definitely blows, but it’s also literally our only option.”</p><p>“<em>Love </em> where this is going,” Kisame says. </p><p>“Nothing and no one is going anywhere,” Itachi insists, which leads to yet another exceptionally tiresome discussion on the ethics of the Prime Directive and their place in the universe. Disturbingly--but perhaps predictably--Karin is on Kisame’s side, determined to get out of these caves no matter what. It’s only a matter of time before an unwilling (and feverish, if he’s to be honest) Itachi is hoisted onto Kisame’s back to be carried out of the abyss as Karin breaks down their escape route. </p><p>The good news, she’s quick to inform them, is that she was able to find a relatively short path to the surface, meaning the Corvus will be able to bring them home easily. However, the bad news is that said path cuts through a nest of… whatever the underground beasts are, making it virtually impossible for them to reach the surface unscathed. Fortunately Karin was able to recover some of their lost supplies, including the blasters a paranoid Kisame insisted on bringing with them, which will provide them with the slimmest of fighting chances.</p><p>“That’s your plan?” An incredulous Kisame asks as Karin leads the way. “Run around and shoot at them?”</p><p>Glaring over her shoulder, she says, “If you have a better plan, I’m all ears.”</p><p>Naturally Kisame does not, so running around and shooting at them it is. </p><p>At one point in their journey the earpiece crackles to life, and Itachi can hear Shisui’s voice on the other end. He’s only briefly able to call out to the Captain, but still manages to deliver the message of his discovery and the potential for a Prime Directive violation. Almost immediately Kisame clamps a hand over his mouth, and Itachi notices how much cooler the man’s skin is compared to his own. Unfortunately for him (and fortunately for everyone else), Shisui doesn’t seem to hear a word Itachi says, claiming that the connection between their lines is breaking, and so they continue onward. </p><p>After marching through the shadows in silence for what feels like ages, the group eventually spots a sliver of daylight shining in the distance. As much as Itachi is still fundamentally opposed to being rescued, he can’t deny the hopeful way his heart leaps at the sight. By some miracle the creatures are slumbering in the caverns below their path, curled together in tight clusters as they rest. Despite their horrendous circumstances, idle scientific curiosity still pricks at Itachi, and he wonders if the unfriendly local residents are a nocturnal species. Kisame and Karin move as quickly as possible while still being quiet, and to Itachi’s surprise the colony around them remains undisturbed. It would seem as if their exit might be far more simple than previously expected, but true to form the universe has one more surprise in store for them. </p><p>Rising up from the caves depths is a thick, filmy substance filling the air. At first it seems harmless, merely steam resulting from the humidity in the atmosphere, until suddenly Itachi feels his lungs painfully contract. It’s as if his throat has clamped shut, and fear courses through his veins at the realization. It isn’t long before his thoughts begin swimming, coherency sagging under the weight of his body’s terror, and instinctively Itachi begins gasping for air. Soon after his lungs rebel further and he begins coughing, desperate to push the poison out of his system. Even through his haze he can hear how loud the action is, and both Kisame and Karin stare at him in horror. </p><p>“Come <em> on</em>,” Kisame groans, and that’s when all hell breaks loose. </p><p>Bright, brilliant light pierces the darkness as both Kisame and Karin begin firing at the beasts flying towards them. The sounds of screams and howls echo through the caves as they fall towards the bottom of the cave. Each sensation swirls and combines in Itachi’s dizzy head, and he feels nauseous with the weight of everything building in his brain. Still, he maintains his grip around Kisame’s neck while the man spins wildly as he shoots down the monsters surrounding them. </p><p>It is just when all hope seems lost that they are finally able to get their hands on some luck. Even through the chaos there is one sound in particular that reaches Itachi’s ears with perfect clarity. “Itachi!” The Captain yells. Itachi glimpses bits and pieces of the world around him--the white of Suigetsu’s hair, the scowl on Anko’s lips--but his attention is, as always, focused on Shisui. </p><p>“Take him, I got shit to kill,” Kisame says, and even through his disoriented fog Itachi manages to be annoyed at being passed around like a hot potato. Time seems to fall away from him, but when Itachi returns he’s attached to Shisui’s back, scaling a rope towards the world above. </p><p>“Captain,” Itachi wheezes, “you came.”</p><p>“Just in time, looks like,” Shisui replies, grunting with effort as he heaves their combined weight upwards. </p><p>“But--”</p><p>“Less talking, more climbing.” </p><p>Miraculously they manage to reach the surface, and Itachi feels the grass itch against his skin as Shisui lays him down. Shisui is closer to him than ever before, his panicked face so near Itachi’s own. Vaguely Itachi registers Shisui talking to him; though he can’t hear the man’s words he can see the frantic movement of his lips and feel the protective curl of Shisui’s fingers around his face. More than anything he feels himself lost in the wide pools of Shisui’s black eyes, except…  </p><p>“Oh,” Itachi mumbles, narrowing his eyes in an attempt to keep his vision steady, “they’re brown.”</p><p>Puzzlement mingles with the alarm plastered across Shisui’s features. “What?”</p><p>Itachi opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. He feels tired, more tired than he’s ever felt in his life, and his eyelids begin drooping with the weight of his exhaustion. Suddenly all the sounds around him are muddled, as if he’s deep underwater and drifting even farther with each passing second. Itachi has a single moment to lament his numerous recent bouts of dramatic unconsciousness, his last vivid thought before slipping away entirely.</p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>As a boy, the very first lesson his father had gifted him was that of control. Early on in Itachi’s life Fugaku had educated him in the Vulcan way, and in doing so taught Itachi one of the most important yet secretive tenets of Vulcan society. Contrary to popular belief, it was not that their people were incapable of emotions; it was that Vulcans as a species were able to access a well of feeling so deep and so volatile that it was their duty to tamp down their instincts. In the time before Surak, Vulcans were driven purely by the fire in their veins and the violence in their hearts, a way of life that nearly led to their ruin. It wasn’t until the Time of Awakening that they could truly progress as a species, blossoming into a rational and productive society. </p><p>This principle quickly became the guiding force of Itachi’s life. It was virtuous to shackle one’s demons rather than lose oneself to impulse and desire. It was noble to focus one’s attention on the grand scheme of the universe rather than getting lost in small details and dangerous sentimentality. And it was necessary, when one was exceptional, to take the lead in a situation, to use superior skill and intellect to guide those less fortunate or able. </p><p>Needless to say, it was not a viewpoint that made Itachi popular outside of Vulcan society. </p><p>Years later, Itachi finally sees the folly in such a notion. He supposes it’s an inevitable development, given the time he has spent on the Corvus. When he was in the Academy he had been cloaked in the armor of youth, an echo chamber that only allowed his ideals to become even stronger and narrow-minded. But now Itachi has become unable to cling to his stubborn belief in his own predestined place in the universe. Perhaps he has never been so naturally gifted that he existed in a class high above the people around him. Perhaps, as Shisui once accused--the last time Itachi found himself in a terrifyingly life-threatening position, in fact--all this time he really has been an uptight, arrogant, selfish, and uncaring bastard.</p><p>The universe, Itachi concludes, has a cruel sense of humor. At this point, all he can do is laugh along with it. </p><p>
  
</p><p>*</p><p>
  
</p><p>Slowly yet surely, the world comes back to Itachi in waves.</p><p>The first thing he notices is the light, burning against his lids, and when he opens his eyes he finds himself staring into rows of fluorescent bulbs. Wincing, he glances away in favor of taking in the kinder, gentler aspects of his surroundings. Considering the lingering scent of chemicals in the air combined with the soft, steady beeping of machinery, he quickly deduces he’s in a hospital. This suspicion is confirmed when he spots Sakura, dressed in her scrubs, hovering at the foot of his bed. </p><p>By chance the doctor glances at Itachi’s face and breaks out a smile when she sees he has regained consciousness. “Hey, you’re awake,” Sakura greets him warmly, green eyes softening. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”</p><p>“Did I perish?” Itachi asks, voice still hoarse with sleep. </p><p>“You were in pretty rough shape when we found you,” she admits. “Karin did a good job wrapping your leg, but given where you guys were stranded I’m not surprised bacteria managed to wiggle its way in. I had to scrape a lot of infected tissue out and pump you with fluids and antibiotics to get you back on track, and that’s not even mentioning all the toxic gas you inhaled.” </p><p>Visions of a very desperate Shisui above him flit through Itachi’s still-foggy mind. “Ah, yes,” he murmurs. “That.”</p><p>“Yeah, <em> that</em>,” Sakura says, grinning as she perches on the edge of his bed. “It’s been about three days since the Captain brought you in. Man, you should have seen him running into the Med Bay, carrying you all bridal-style. He was really worried about you, it was actually kind of cute.” </p><p>“‘Cute,’” Itachi repeats slowly, feeling as if he’s taken another hit to the head; perhaps he has a severe concussion Sakura happened to overlook… </p><p>Choosing to mentally file away that unnerving image, Itachi decides to steer the conversation in a different direction. “How are the others? Did Kisame and Karin escape unscathed?”</p><p>“From what we can gather it would seem there was something in the gas that was only toxic to Vulcan-type species, so neither of them were affected by it. Uzumakis are made of crazy strong stuff, so Karin’s would probably be fine either way, and Kisame is just--<em> Kisame,</em>” Sakura says, making a face, and Itachi can’t help the small smile that tugs at his lips. </p><p>“I could not have put it any better myself.” Relief plucks at his heart at the knowledge that his companions are alive and as well as can be expected, given the circumstances. Despite this, anxiety presses thick and heavy against his skull. It’s as if there is something Itachi knows he should be concerned about, yet the memory is so slippery he cannot seem to grasp it. Hoping to assuage his fears, he questions Sakura further. “What of the samples? Were we able to recover any of our--?”</p><p>“Stop trying to work,” she chides, reaching out to lightly rest her hand on his shoulder. “You need to rest.” </p><p>Itachi narrows his eyes. “I take it the Captain has spoken to you.” </p><p>Smirking, she says, “Even if he hadn’t as your physician I’d still give you the exact same advice.”</p><p>“Sakura--”</p><p>Exasperated at his persistence, Sakura proposes a deal. “How about this: you give me one more day to observe you, and I’ll let you out of your jail cell early on good behavior.” </p><p>“I suppose I will allow it,” Itachi agrees moodily, and she chuckles in reply.</p><p>“Doctors really do make the worst patients, don’t they?”</p><p>Wisely, Itachi does not even bother responding.</p><p>The day is still young, so it’s not long before Sakura leaves to attend to her duties, though not before giving Itachi a very stern warning about the consequences of fleeing the Med Bay. While he does contemplate the pros and cons of disobeying her orders, to his credit Itachi chooses to stay put. As irritating as he finds the entire situation, Vulcans do pride themselves on their honor, and Itachi wouldn’t shame his people by going back on his word. That and perhaps the rational section of his brain (once known as “his entire brain”) will admit that it’s wise to avoid risking both further injury and experiencing Sakura’s legendary temper. </p><p>Despite his initial frustration, Itachi is surprised to discover the experience is not wholly negative. For all his protests it <em> is </em> actually quite nice to spend some quiet time in his own company, with no responsibilities to occupy his thoughts and expend his energy. The quiet does not last long, however, as word spreads around the ship that Itachi is awake. To his shock he finds himself with an almost endless line of visitors for hours. Various Officers and Ensigns piling into the Med Bay and gather around his cot to wish him good health and express their happiness that he is back on the ship and in relatively good spirits. In return Itachi is uncharacteristically flabbergasted and his carefully crafted speech out of reach, just as it always is whenever the crew shows their affection for him so profusely. </p><p>During his almost three decades of life, Itachi has never felt anything quite like this. His only taste of genuine love and belonging came from his family, and even then he was always the slightest bit out of step. He had been too human to connect with his father, yet too Vulcan to truly understand his mother. And then there was Sasuke, the only other person in the galaxy like him, who sometimes appeared to be a completely different species because of how bizarre and chaotic his actions were to Itachi. In a way, Itachi supposes he had resigned himself to a future where he was, in some private way, alone from the rest of the world.</p><p>But after joining the Corvus, life suddenly looks so very different. It’s as if the clouds have cleared and for the very first time Itachi is able to take in the brilliant, blue sky. For the first time, he doesn’t feel lonely at all.</p><p>Ino is his first visitor, bringing him a beautiful bouquet crafted from the lush greenery she stores inside her quarters. She sits and talks with him for nearly an hour before she exits, laying a gentle kiss on his forehead before she leaves. The warmth of her touch lingers as Itachi welcomes even more guests. There’s Teuchi, who brings Itachi a homemade “get well soon” soup, and Karin, who starts to tell Itachi all about the results of their mission before Sakura chases her out of the room. At one point Kisame pops in and hugs Itachi so tightly he wonders if his death is imminent after all. Kisame then proceeds to enthusiastically slap his wounded knee, causing Sakura to chase <em> him </em> out of the room as well. Even Anko graces Itachi with her presence, though the interaction is less than meaningful.</p><p>“Huh,” she says, poking her head in the door of the Med Bay. “You’re alive.”</p><p>“So it would seem,” Itachi replies, tone clipped.</p><p>“Bummer.” With that she shrugs and walks away; all in all it is perhaps his most successful encounter with Anko yet. </p><p>It takes a significant amount of time before the one person Itachi wishes to see most of all finally makes an appearance. At some point in the afternoon Itachi nods off, though he’s not aware of this fact until he’s once again opening his eyes. He’s still feeling sore and sluggish when he wakes, but his mood improves immensely when he realizes the Captain is sitting beside him. </p><p>Though he’s more than pleased to see Shisui, Itachi can’t help but feel the slightest bit troubled as well. The light of his PADD illuminates Shisui’s face, accentuating the shadows beneath his eyes. Itachi can tell by his scowl he’s hard at work and has been for a while, no doubt preoccupied with the fallout of their latest mission. </p><p>It takes a moment for Shisui to notice him, but once he does his face immediately brightens. “Long time no see,” he says, locking his PADD to give Itachi his full attention. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Better,” Itachi replies, moving to sit up with a poorly disguised wince. While much of the pain has disappeared, a residual ache still throbs in his leg, and his muscles are tight and angry with disuse. “Perhaps not as well as I initially thought, though,” he amends, rueful. </p><p>Scowling, Shisui tells him, “If you hurt yourself while I’m in here I’m gonna be so mad. You know Sakura will never let me hear the end of it; honestly, she’s already pissed at me for barging into the Med Bay after visiting hours.” </p><p>His curiosity peaked, Itachi glances at the clock on the wall and is surprised to see 04:12am in flashing blue text. “Captain,” he protests, “there is no need for you to be here so late.” </p><p>“Eh, it doesn’t make much difference where I am, considering I’m probably going to be fighting with Starfleet Command for the next fucking week, anyway.” The confusion must be etched across his face, because after a long pause Shisui sighs and asks, “Guess that means Sakura didn’t tell you.”</p><p>“Tell me what?” Itachi asks, concern bubbling up.</p><p>Shisui looks down at his hands, as if he finds his own fingers exceptionally fascinating, before he explains, “There was a… debate, about whether or not I broke the Prime Directive by rescuing you guys.” </p><p>Itachi’s eyes widen as the memory of their experience with the cave creatures suddenly slams back into his brain. With perfect clarity, he recalls exactly what happened to their group--and why, in the eyes of Starfleet, none of them should have been returned to this ship. If this debate is occuring in the first place it means that Shisui received his message about the beasts that had besieged them, yet proceeded to rescue them anyway. Itachi has no doubt that Shisui is far too honorable to exclude such knowledge from his Captain’s Log, meaning it was only a matter of time before his actions brought Command down on their heads. </p><p>“Who would have thought that violating the most sacred Starfleet tradition would be such a big deal?” Shisui jokes, but there’s no mirth in his voice, especially not when he says, “They talked about taking the Corvus from me.”</p><p>Though he had known that such an outcome was not only possible but probable, something akin to panic grips Itachi’s heart at the thought. “That cannot happen.”</p><p>“Of course it can; she’s my girl but at the end of the day she’s their property. Captains have lost their ships for much less than this.” </p><p>For the life of him Itachi cannot let go of the idea of Starfleet removing Shisui from the Corvus. The idea of spending a single day on this ship without his firm but kind leadership and unwavering loyalty is simply unthinkable to Itachi. Shisui is an excellent Captain and an even better man, more deserving of his position than anyone Itachi has ever met. A terrible guilt flows through Itachi’s veins at the possibility of his mistakes leading to Shisui’s downfall, mingling with the guilt he feels at having insisted that Karin and Kisame die beside him. Given their visit to him earlier, Itachi suspects that neither of them are holding a grudge, but the memory sits ugly inside his mind nonetheless. “Logistically speaking, it was a mistake for you to come for us,” he tells Shisui, who stares at him as if he is quite literally insane.</p><p>“Sure, except for the fact that it really, <em> really </em> wasn’t,” Shisui counters, a storm brewing on his features. “My crew was fucking dying in a cave, and I was supposed to do--what, exactly? Sit on my ass and let it happen?”</p><p>“In the spirit of preserving the Prime Directive, yes,” Itachi argues, because while his own personal feelings on the matter may not align with that belief it is unfortunately the oath all members of Starfleet swear to uphold. “According to our principles that is absolutely what you should have done; in the eyes of our commanding officers you took an unnecessary risk to--”</p><p>“The hell I did!” The sound of Shisui’s loud rubattal fills the otherwise silent hospital room, and despite himself Itachi finds himself flinching. He should have known that the Captain, who prizes devotion above all things, would have this type of reaction. Brows taut and lip curled in anger, Shisui says, “You really think I could live with myself if I left you there? That I’m the type of person who could go about my days knowing I had the chance to help people and didn’t take it?”</p><p>“No,” he admits softly, “I do not.” </p><p>An awkward stillness settles between them, with Shisui fuming and Itachi at a loss for words. Finally, Shisui tells him, “Look, be mad at me all you want, I don’t care. As long as you’re alive and able to be pissed at me, that’s enough for me to sleep at night.”</p><p>“But you haven’t been,” Itachi points out quietly, adding, “sleeping, I meant.” </p><p>Rolling his eyes, the Captain asks, “Gee, why do you think?” </p><p>Though he knows the question is rhetorical, he still replies, “Because you were worried about the ship.”</p><p>Scoffing in disbelief, Shisui snaps, “No, because I was worried about <em> you</em>!” </p><p>Itachi blinks, stunned by the revelation. In hindsight, he supposes it should have been obvious to him, but even after all this time he’s still not accustomed to the Captain’s unyielding dedication and unrelenting fondness. Shisui is always beautiful to him, but there’s something exceptional about him now, lips parted and face red with righteous indignation. “Oh,” he says, feeling his own cheeks heat up in response. </p><p>“You Vulcans are so goddamn stubborn,” Shisui mutters, looking away. </p><p>Regret burns in Itachi’s throat at the rebuke. “I suspect your impression of me has suffered greatly because of this. No doubt you think me callous for insisting you abandon us.”</p><p>“Actually, I mostly think your body was in shock and you were developing a blood infection, which is exactly why I told Karin she was in charge of you guys until I could get there.” </p><p>Itachi frowns at the revelation of his poor health and also Shisui’s scheming. “Sakura said it was serious, but she did not tell me--”</p><p>“That you almost died?” Shisui offers flatly.</p><p>“Precisely.” </p><p>“If it’s any consolation nobody blames you for being all… like that, so maybe just let this whole thing be a lesson on the power of friendship and teamwork.” </p><p>“Given the fact that the choice to cooperate was taken from me entirely, I suspect it is more a lesson on the power of morphine and good timing,” Itachi quips, and Shisui snorts, amused. </p><p>Something oddly sentimental wells up in Itachi’s chest at the idea of how close he was to meeting his end. Without thinking, Itachi reaches out and grabs Shisui’s hand with his own, fingers wrapping around the man’s wrist like a vice. Shisui stares at him, brows halfway up his forehead, clearly surprised by Itachi's boldness, but he stays focused on the words he feels he must speak. “Despite my… ‘Vulcan stubbornness,’ as you put it, I am glad you made the choice you did, Captain. Regardless of why I took the stance I did, it was wrong of me to forsake the lives of my comrades, especially in light of my position above them--even if I did not know I was no longer in said position.” Looking Shisui directly in the eye, Itachi adds, “That said, I am grateful for your assistance for my own selfish reasons, as well. It would seem there are things in this life I find myself unable to let go of quite yet.” </p><p>Almost instantly the tension bleeds out Shisui’s frame, and he favors Itachi with a small yet heartfelt smile. “Me too,” he murmurs. Carefully rearranging Itachi’s grip he wraps his own fingers around Itachi’s, the tip of his thumb stroking the knuckle of Itachi’s own. The touch sends a jolt through his veins, travelling like lightning, and Itachi swallows heavily at the sensation. But just as quickly as it arrives it disappears, as Shisui lets go of Itachi and rises from his chair. “Well, now that we’ve gotten into our second argument in the last week, I should probably leave while we can still stand each other.”</p><p>“That would be best,” Itachi agrees, amused. “Please get some rest.”</p><p>“Like that’s not the pot calling the kettle black or anything,” Shisui says with a smirk as he exits the Med Bay, leaving a thick cloud of confusing emotions in his wake.</p><p>Exhaling sharply, Itachi places his hand--the same hand buzzing from Shisui’s touch--on his abdomen, his palm resting over his heart. His pulse is rapid beneath his skin, the pace more erratic than ever before, to say nothing of the heat he feels spreading through his body. The whole experience is profoundly unsettling to Itachi. As much as he fears this lack of control, he’s even more afraid of how he also seems to welcome it. </p><p>It isn’t until Shisui is long gone that the reality of the situation enters Itachi’s mind and he realizes, with horror, that by the customs of Vulcan society he has come dangerously close to <em> kissing his commanding officer</em>. </p><p>With a groan, Itachi slinks back into his bed and pulls the sheets over his head. Perhaps if he is very, <em> very </em> lucky he can talk Sakura into letting him spend another day or maybe even the remainder of their mission in the Med Bay; at this rate he’s certain he can never look at or speak to the Captain ever again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>don't ask me how my naruto-star trek crossover fic ended up pivoting into 'the descent' with multiple 'oldboy' references thrown in for good luck because I Could Not Tell You. </p><p>i feel like a victorian noblewoman for being scandalized at writing them holding hands, but this is the slowburn to end all slowburns, so here we are. tbh i don't have a lot to say about this chapter because i'm not 100% happy with it, so i'll just end by saying hopefully y'all enjoy it. </p><p>see you next time when some Very Big Developments occur~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It’s a relatively quiet morning when the call destined to run Shisui’s young life off the rails comes in.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>content warnings for: medical experiments/torture, body horror, choking, and child abuse. there is also some sexual content because we're Really earning that mature rating now.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>stardate 2267.318</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>With nearly two years of Starfleet captaincy under his belt, Shisui Uchiha has learned a couple of very important lessons. The first is to be prepared for anything and everything. The second is that there is actually no practical way to be prepared for anything and everything, which leads to the third lesson. Said lesson is that about eighty percent of being a Starfleet Captain consists of flying by the seat of your pants and hoping for the best, a lifestyle choice Shisui has a particular talent for. But the final and perhaps most important lesson is that Shisui is a careless, brainless idiot who should probably lose his ship for making out with his second-in-command. </p><p>Okay, here’s the thing: it’s not like he <em> actually </em> kissed Itachi, but it’s not like he <em> didn’t </em> kiss Itachi, either. In Shisui’s humble opinion, the whole mess isn’t even entirely his fault. Really, at the end of the day one could even say it’s <em> all </em> Itachi’s fault, because if fucking Vulcans didn’t have such weird fucking mating rituals none of this would have happened. Not that Shisui thinks Itachi is trying to mate with him--or, rather, that he <em> intentionally </em> thinks about thinking that Itachi wants to mate with him. It just… happens. A lot.  </p><p>There was a time when Shisui genuinely (and naively) thought that he could bury all of his Itachi-related feelings deep enough where he would never need to unpack them. And, for a while, his emotionally ignorant approach actually seemed to work. Against all odds, Shisui was able to make it through most days without spending too much time or energy on little things like the soft curl of Itachi’s mouth or the piercing intensity of his gaze, and life was good. Of course, that all changed the moment the guy had to go and nearly get himself killed, but you know. Nothing gold can stay or whatever.</p><p>Despite the many, <em> many </em> stern lectures and harsh words from Command, not once did Shisui back down from or apologize for his decision to rescue his crew. Just because something was lawful it didn’t make it right, and he couldn’t imagine anything more cold-hearted or cruel than abandoning the people who counted on him when they needed him most. He would have made the same choice regardless of Itachi’s presence, because it was what he believed a Captain should do. That said, he would be a huge fucking liar if he tried to claim that the factor of Itachi’s life didn’t add a certain gravitas to the situation. </p><p>Much of the decade Shisui has spent in Starfleet has involved fear, danger, and violence to one degree or another. At this point, he’s pretty much used to leaping from one precarious situation to another (Fighting for his life again? Must be Tuesday!). But he’s never been as afraid as he was while pulling Itachi’s clammy, limp, and delusional with sickness self from that cave. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he told Itachi that he almost died, because for the first two days shit was incredibly touch and go, and Shisui didn’t dare to stray far from the Med Bay. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Sakura; the woman was on the fast-track to becoming the best doctor in the known universe, so Itachi couldn’t have been in better hands. It was just that Shisui couldn’t have lived with himself if something had happened during the one second he took his eye off Itachi. So he haunted the Med Bay like a phantom, taking only the tiniest breaks to battle with brass and eat the food Ino insisted on bringing him, before returning to waiting for Itachi to wake up. But thankfully Itachi did, and Shisui was filled to the brim with a happy bubble that promptly bursted when a) they started yelling at each other and then b) started kissing each other. Well<em> , maybe </em> kissing each other. Seriously, it’s all <em> very </em> unclear. </p><p>“You know,” Anko tells him one night, when they’re hiding in her quarters and Shisui has enough anxiety and liquor in his system to loosen his lips, “There’s this newfangled invention called ‘pulling your head out of your ass so you can have a conversation with him instead of complaining to me.’ You should try it sometime; I bet it’ll work wonders.”</p><p>Shisui nearly chokes on his beer. “Sure, Anko, I’ll go right ahead and do that,” he retorts, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Nothing says ‘Captain of the Year’ like asking your subordinates if they want to hook up with you.” </p><p>Anko raises a curious eyebrow. “Do <em> you</em>?”</p><p>Frowning, he asks, “Do I what?”</p><p>“Want to hook up with him?” </p><p>Taking a carefully timed sip of his drink, Shisui scoffs and says, “Uh, no.”</p><p>“Yes, you do,” she counters mockingly. “You paused.”</p><p>“I was <em> drinking</em>.”</p><p>“Mhm, okay.” Tapping a thoughtful finger on her chin, she continues, “Huh. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I’m beginning to wonder if he’s a beast in the sack. It’s always the ones you least suspect who give you the most bang for your buck.” </p><p>This time Shisui really <em> does </em> choke on his beer. “<em>Anko</em>!” He hisses, once he can actually catch his breath.</p><p>Anko throws her head back and laughs, loud and vicious. “Oh, please. Don’t act like you haven’t been wondering the same exact thing.”</p><p>“Obviously not!”</p><p>Obviously Shisui has been. It’s partially Anko’s fault, because now that she’s planted that evil little thought in his brain, Shisui cannot for the life of him pry it out. But it’s also because… Well, Shisui <em> does </em> have eyes and also a pulse. God knows he spent enough of his younger years essentially plowing everything in sight to be able to recognize that someone is attractive. But it isn’t just about physical appearance--hell, life would probably be a lot easier if it was. It’s about how lately, during the quiet moments between them, there have been so many times where Shisui finds himself picturing what life could be like if they were anyone or anywhere else. And that’s what scares him, because for all the years he’s spent chasing after people he’s never actually wanted to catch someone. Up until now, he’s never wanted someone to stay.</p><p>In the end, none of that shit matters. Shisui signed up to bear just about every cross under the sun when he agreed to become the Captain of the Corvus. Just because he never could have anticipated this particular trouble doesn’t make it any different from the rest of the problems Shisui carries on his broad yet handsome shoulders. He’s better off sticking with his original plan of keeping his mouth shut and white-knuckling through the next three years. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It’s a relatively quiet morning when the call destined to run Shisui’s young life off the rails comes in. </p><p>With the end of their second year in space drawing to a close, he’s locked in his office and ass-deep in paperwork trying to beat the end of the year freeze.  As a boy and later a Cadet he had only ever imagined the fun and glamorous parts of being a Captain, never once considering the mind-numbing bureaucracy of the position. Yet here he is, quietly dying inside. Half a week of sorting, filing, deleting, emailing, making phone calls, and cursing both Starfleet Command and the galaxy itself has left Shisui’s patience on its last leg. This is why he’d decided to bribe Ino into taking all of his messages with the exception of absolute emergencies. It’s also why he’s less than pleased to see his PADD light up with a vision of her face.</p><p>Groaning, he accepts her message and says, “Ino, you are lovely and I adore you, but I really need you to put whatever issue you’re bugging me with on the backburner.” </p><p>“Sorry, Captain,” Ino replies with an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid it can’t wait. Lord Danzo Shimura has made contact with the Corvus, and he’s pretty determined to talk to you.”</p><p>Something cold forms in Shisui’s gut at the name. While he’s never had the (dis)pleasure of interacting with Danzo before, he’s been around Starfleet long enough to know that catching the man’s attention is never a good sign. Nevertheless, he tells her, “Patch him through.” </p><p>With a quick nod Ino obliges, and in seconds Shisui is confronted with the ancient, emotionless face of the man of the hour. Truth be told, all Shisui knows about the Starfleet official is that he’s very old, very-well connected, and possibly the only man in the universe so far up his own ass that he would choose to attach the title of “Lord” onto his own name. None of these facts are especially endearing to Shisui, so he’s on edge as he greets the man staring back at him. “Good morning, Lord Shimura. My Communications Officer said you needed to speak with me?”</p><p>“I apologize for my persistence,” Danzo replies evenly, not looking the least bit sorry. “I hope I am not troubling you.”</p><p>“No trouble at all,” Shisui assures, lying through his teeth; if there’s anything he’s learned about Starfleet politics it’s that it’s always better than play the game first and ask questions later. “What can I do for you?”</p><p>“There is a particular bit of business I’d like your assistance with, though I’m afraid it’s a rather nasty one. I trust you are familiar with the case of Commander Orochimaru?”</p><p>“Familiar” was putting it mildly. Pretty much everyone and their mother knew the story of Orochimaru, the brilliant Starfleet scientist and soldier turned war-mongering, Frankensteinian nightmare monster. A pupil of the beloved Admiral Hiruzen Sarutobi, Orochimaru’s crimes against humanity and non-humanity alike went undetected for years because the kind yet admittedly kinda useless Hiruzen refused to see the evidence piling up right under his nose. By the time Hiruzen finally got his shit together, Orochimaru was long gone, disappearing into the empty blackness of space to continue his hellish experiments. </p><p>Nearly twenty years passed before the slippery snake was finally ensnared by none other than Danzo Shimura himself. Rather than following in his long-time friend’s failed footsteps, Danzo ordered Orochimaru and all his associates executed on sight, an unheard display of Starfleet power that few objected to because of the sheer brutality of Orochimaru’s crimes. The only problem with Danzo’s trigger-happy response was that by blowing Orochimaru’s brains out he lost his opportunity to seize the real prize: the Jörmungandr, Orochimaru’s ship/labratory/torture chamber. Despite years of relentless searching, it seemed as if the Jörmungandr would remain forever lost in space, and the true depth of Orochimaru’s depravity would be lost along with it. </p><p>“I am, sir,” Shisui confirms.</p><p>“Recently reports have come in regarding the whereabouts of the Jörmungandr, and just this morning I was able to confirm the ship’s location on the outskirts of the Beta Quadrant,” Danzo explains. “Given that we do not know the full extent of Orochimaru’s crimes, recovering the specimens on the Jörmungandr is a matter of utmost importance.” </p><p>“Which is why you’d like my crew to do the job,” Shisui guesses. The wariness in his veins only pumps harder and faster the longer this conversation goes on; on the list of things he wants himself and his crew to get involved in, “shady government shit involving genetic engineering and internal corruption” ranks pretty close to the bottom.</p><p>Danzo nods. “With your current coordinates I believe the Corvus is the ship best equipped to handle such a task.”</p><p>It’s a fascinating explanation, given that the Corvus has been taking assignments in the Alpha Quadrant for months now. What’s even more fascinating is that Shisui knows with absolute certainty that currently there are at least three active Federation-allied vessels located within the borders of the Beta Quadrant available for such a mission. To top it off, each of those ships is helmed by a Captain with more experience than himself, making this assignment feel less like honest work and more like a glorified mob hit. The only question is <em> why </em>. </p><p>But again: play first, ask later. “Of course. Just forward me the location of the Jörmungandr, and we’ll be more than happy to give it a look.”</p><p>“Please be cautious as you do so. To be frank, I cannot say what awaits you onboard, and I would hate to lose any more members of Starfleet to Orochimaru’s scheming.”</p><p><em> Liar</em>, Shisui thinks darkly. “I’m sure.” </p><p>“Once you’ve secured the specimens, myself and my team will board the Corvus in order to transport them back to Starfleet Headquarters. With any luck, by studying Orochimaru’s work we can prevent such a terrible catastrophe from happening again.”</p><p>“I couldn’t agree more, sir. I’ll update you as soon as the mission is completed.”</p><p>“I look forward to meeting with you,” Danzo says, and the words sound far more like a threat than anything else. With that, the screen of his PADD goes black, leaving Shisui staring at his own reflection.</p><p>Setting the device on his desk, Shisui closes his eyes and leans back in his chair with a sigh. This is going to <em> suck</em>.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>While Danzo Shimura is essentially an enigma wrapped in a mystery tied up with a secret, there is one person on the Corvus who might be able to give Shisui a clue about the pile shit he’s about to step in.</p><p>“Asuma!” Shisui calls out as he enters the bridge a few minutes after his conversation with the Lord. It’s a sign of good fortune that the bridge is mostly empty save for Asuma and a few other crewmembers; the last thing Shisui wants right now is an audience. </p><p>He takes care to have his best charming grin plastered across his face as he approaches the man’s station. “How is my most talented and absolute most favorite pilot on this beautiful day?” </p><p>Unimpressed by the display, Asuma spins in his chair to face his Captain and flaty replies, “Just tell me what you want, Shisui.”</p><p>Shisui widens his eyes in mock-offense. “I’m wounded you think so little of me!” he cries. “Must I have an ulterior motive in order to spend some quality time with you?”</p><p>Asuma says nothing, merely raises his eyebrows in response, and Shisui decides to give up the ghost. </p><p>“Alright, I’ll fold,” he admits. “I do in fact have ulterior motives.”</p><p>“Which are?”</p><p>“I need information.” Dropping into Chouji’s empty chair at Asuma’s side, Shisui asks, “What can you tell me about Danzo Shimura? He’s a family friend of yours, right?”</p><p>Asuma laughs, though the sound is entirely humorless. “‘Friend’ is a bit of a stretch,” he replies. “There’s not much to tell. He and my dad go way back, but it doesn’t exactly make all of us buds.” </p><p>Considering pretty much the entire universe knows about the bad blood between Hiruzen Sarutobi and his only son, Shisui isn’t exactly surprised by Asuma’s reaction. As someone who also has a less-than-ideal relationship with his father, it’s a line Shisui has been careful not to cross during the time they’ve spent together. The idea of digging up someone’s unprocessed familial trauma isn’t really his idea of a good time precisely because it hits so close to home. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and if pissing Asuma off is going to keep them all from dying ugly deaths, so be it. </p><p>“Hey, I’m not interested in pulling all the unhappy skeletons out of your childhood closet,” Shisui says, raising his hands defensively. “The only reason I’m asking is because I just spent the last ten minutes talking to the guy, and I want to know what I’m in for.” </p><p>Of all the people on the ship, Asuma is probably the closest thing Shisui has to a peer in terms of experience. Along with being a skilled pilot he’s endlessly clever and could have easily made the rank of Captain ten times over if he actually wanted it. That in mind, he’s always been the type to address Shisui less like a subordinate and more like an exceptionally reliable coworker, which is why Shisui isn’t surprised when Asuma warns, “You’re pushing your luck right now.”</p><p>Sensing victory, Shisui grins. “Don’t I always?”</p><p>Scrubbing a hand through his beard, Asuma says, “Look, I’ve known Danzo since I was born and I’ve never really known what to think of the guy. On the one hand, he’s pretty much as cold as ice and every conversation feels like an interrogation, but I can’t say he’s ever done anything bad to me. I mean, he showed up to my graduation from the Academy when my own father couldn’t be bothered to make an appearance, and he paid for me and Kurenai’s wedding after me and the Admiral fell out. So, I dunno,” he concludes with a shrug. “At the end of the day the most important thing about Danzo is that he’s damn good at his job--way better than my jackass father, honestly--which is why he sticks around Starfleet like a tick on a deer. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he outlived me and the old man both.” </p><p>The response isn’t exactly what Shisui was expecting. Ever since his very first tour of duty he’s heard whispers about Danzo being paranoid and controlling at best, so it’s actually kind of a relief to hear otherwise. If Asuma has some affection for the guy, maybe he isn’t as bad as people say. Hopefully it’s a sign that their party on the Jörmungandr won’t be such a shitshow after all. </p><p>With his morbid curiosity temporarily satisfied, Shisui summons Itachi and Anko to the bridge in order to decide their next move. More than anything his focus is on being quick and being safe, which is why he elects to take multiple of Anko’s security Officers and vetoes Itachi’s suggestion of recruiting Kabuto to analyze the ship’s contents. That said, he does agree to let a visibly eager Karin, who followed Itachi onto the bridge, tag along for his own reasons. </p><p>As prepared as they can be, their small group, along with Kisame and Suigetsu enter the Equipment Room to get suited up. Too many years have passed for the ship’s lifesupport to still be functional--to say nothing of the various strains of freaky garbage Orochimaru likely left behind--so the more layers they can slap on, the better. Itachi, exceptionally suspicious of said freaky garbage, insists on them wearing antimicrobial bodysuits under their lifesupport gear in order to prevent contamination, which is a fabulous idea in theory but turns out to be a total bitch in practice. </p><p>Truthfully, Shisui isn’t sure what’s worse: trying to squeeze into an article of clothing that feels like it was made for a five year old or living with the knowledge that Itachi’s getting naked less than a yard away. He supposes it says a lot about his fucked up priorities that even with the potential of getting poisoned by radioactive goo or murdered by feral mutants filling his head he still finds time to focus on Itachi. The whole thing feels like a really cliche, low-grade porno, with the two of them stuck in the locker room dropping trou while Anko, Karin, Kisame, and Suigetsu are nowhere to be found. Honestly, he’s half-convinced Anko’s in the Security Department, spying on them and laughing her ass off; when it comes to that woman, absolutely nothing would surprise him. </p><p>For his part, Shisui chooses to take the high road and very deliberately ignores the flashes of green skin dancing at the edge of his vision. Peeping on anyone isn’t a line he’s willing to cross, and certainly not with a member of his crew. He’s so focused on maintaining a respectful distance that he nearly jumps when Itachi is suddenly much closer than before and very clearly speaking to him. “May I ask you something, Captain?”</p><p>After what feels like a century of struggle, he finally manages to shove the lower half of his body into the suit. Shisui exhales sharply, exhausted at the thought of getting the rest of himself into the heinous contraption, before responding, “Why do I get the feeling that if I say ‘no’ you’re just gonna ask me anyway?”</p><p>“Perhaps because you know me so well,” Itachi offers, and Shisui can tell even without looking at him that he’s smirking. “Earlier you mentioned that your priority with this mission was security, which is why you advised me against bringing Kabuto. Yet when Karin requested to accompany us, you allowed it. What was the cause of such an action?”</p><p>At this point Itachi is mostly covered, so it’s safe enough for Shisui to turn to him and answer, “Maybe I find it interesting how she just happened to join our meeting and just happened to be so curious about digging through Orochimaru’s lair.” </p><p>“You suspect she is lying about her motivations?”</p><p>“Like sand on a beach.” Grimacing, Shisui decides to bite the bullet already and slips his arms through the suit. In between bouts of fighting with the stubborn cloth he adds, “Best way to figure out her secrets is to give her a chance to show ‘em to us.”  </p><p>Itachi’s brows furrow. “Do you suspect foul play?”</p><p>“Hard to say. On the one hand, Karin seems like a pretty good kid, but so do a lot of people that end up stabbing you in the back. For now all we can do is watch and wait.” After a long and hard battle all that remains is the zipper which, <em> of course</em>, is located on the back where it is physically impossible to reach. Repressing a whine, Shisui snaps, “Okay, what the hell is <em> wrong </em> with these suits? I feel like I’m wearing a tar pit.” </p><p>“Allow me.” Before Shisui can protest he feels Itachi behind him and doesn’t dare breathe as Itachi carefully pulls the zipper along the curve of his spine. “You have an exceptional amount of scars for a man living in an unprecedented age of medicinal care,” Itachi notes. The words ghost against the skin of Shisui’s back, and he shudders at the sensation. </p><p>“What can I say? I was young and stupid,” he replies, pretty fucking amazed his voice sounds even the slightest bit normal. Suddenly he’s <em> very </em> thankful for the fact his body is so sucked into this suit as it’s probably the only thing keeping certain parts of him from reacting to Itachi’s proximity in a <em> highly </em> inappropriate fashion. Clearing his throat, he elaborates, “Thought they’d make me look dashing if I let them heal on their own.”</p><p>“I am inclined to agree with the foolishness of such a plan.”</p><p>“But do you agree that they’re dashing?”</p><p>Itachi huffs, amused, as he finally moves away from Shisui. “No comment, I’m afraid.” </p><p>Despite the charged atmosphere Shisui laughs, the sound coming out of his lungs in a harsh rush as he goes to return the favor. There’s a part of him that can recognize how ridiculous this whole situation is, because he’s a nearly thirty (God help him) year old man and he’s acting like a dumb, horny teenager. Resolving to man the fuck up and get over himself, Shisui carefully moves the curtain of Itachi’s hair--now long enough to reach a few inches past his shoulder--and with exceptional restaint looks away from the pale skin beneath it to get the job done as soon as possible. “All set,” he declares before taking a few wide steps backwards for the sake of his own sanity.</p><p>Itachi moves to face him as he arranges his hair back into a ponytail, and it’s just… terrible. It’s terrible how pretty he is. It’s terrible how much Shisui likes him. It’s super, <em> duper </em> terrible how Shisui is very much his boss and yet Shisui also really wants to have sex with him. The world is in shambles--falling to pieces, honestly--when a visibly concerned Itachi asks, “Is there a problem?”</p><p>It’s entirely the wrong time and absolutely the wrong place, but Shisui still finds himself opening his big, fat mouth to say, “You know, there’s actually something I wanted to ask you, too.”</p><p>Shisui is staring at Itachi, trying to figure out a chill, relaxed, totally professional way to ask if Itachi is attracted to him when Kisame decides to reappear. “Ready to rumble, boss!” He declares, loud and chipper, before slapping Shisui’s back so hard the impact actually sends him stumbling forward. </p><p>Though he’s never been one to believe in sentimentalities like fate and destiny, Shisui can’t help but feel as if the universe is trying to send him a very clear message. “Always so enthusiastic, that one,” he mutters, watching Kisame’s massive frame disappear out the front door, Suigetsu trailing obediently at his heels like a little lost puppy. </p><p>“‘Enthusiastic’ is certainly one way of putting it,” Itachi replies wryly before turning his attention back to Shisui. “You said you had a question for me?” </p><p>“Yeah! Yeah, I did.” Shaking his head, Shisui smiles without feeling an ounce of joy and says, “You know what? I honestly don’t even remember what it was, so it couldn’t have been all that important.” </p><p>Looking unconvinced, Itachi says, slowly, “If you are certain.” </p><p>“Never been more sure in my life,” Shisui assures him sunnily, adding, “Come along, First Officer. We have a biohazard to inspect.” If nothing else, at least the encounter has Shisui walking into the mission suddenly very eager to be focused on something other than whatever the hell just happened between them. Frankly, if they keep performing this little song and dance the only thing that’s going to die today will be the sad remnants of Shisui’s willpower. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Unsurprisingly, the Jörmungandr is as silent as the grave when the crew steps inside her. As they pry open the hatch and enter the abandoned ship all Shisui can hear are the sounds of metal creaking and the rasp of his own breath. More than anything it’s the smell that really takes him out, the thick, heavy scent of blood and rot that crawls into his helmet and makes him gag. Even though he had expected a touch of viscera here and there given Orochimaru’s proclivity for bending the laws of nature, there’s a big difference between imagining such a thing and experiencing it. Now that he’s actually inside the Jörmungandr, Shisui feels like the boat is a cross between a horror movie and hell itself. </p><p>Itachi is standing beside him looking positively haunted. “Captain,” he murmurs, “I do not have a good feeling about this.” </p><p>“Yeah, me neither,” Shisui agrees quietly, careful to keep his voice from projecting to the rest of the crew. The last thing he wants is for any of them to get spooked and go rogue. It’s admittedly less of a concern with Anko, who looks bored as hell, and Kisame, who is no doubt frothing at the mouth at just the possibility of violence.</p><p>Turning to the group, Shisui announces, “The goal is to get in and out as soon as possible, so we’re going to split into teams. Karin, I want you with me and Itachi; Anko, keep an eye on Kisame and Suigetsu. We’re only here to bag and tag this mess so we can dump it on Danzo’s doorstep and skip off into the sunset. Just stick together, play it safe, and we’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Wow, for a second there I was nervous you were going to ask me to third-wheel on your little date,” Anko says snidely, her lips twisted up. </p><p>“If you would prefer to explore the ship by yourself you are more than welcome to do so,” Itachi replies icily. “Perhaps you will find fighting for your life against whatever remains of Orochimaru’s research an entertaining way to pass the time.”</p><p>“Children, please,” Shisui scolds. “Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be. We’ve got a lot of work to do, so less fighting and more collecting would be ideal.” </p><p>“Understood, Captain,” Itachi says at the same moment Anko moodily retorts, “Whatever.” But off their two groups go, walking off in opposite directions to divide and conquer the beast.</p><p>Their objective is, on the surface, deceptively simple: find specimens, collect them, and transport them back to the Corvus so Danzo and his goon squad can snatch them up. Unfortunately, the more time they spend exploring the Jörmungandr, the more Shisui starts to realize that the task is going to be a lot easier said than done. The ship looks less like commericial vessel it was originally designed to be and more like a fucking crime scene. Broken glass crunches under their boots and bloodstains of a variety of colors are caked into the walls, but that’s nothing compared to the bodies. With each hall walked and each room entered they find more and more dead, every figure even more mutilated than the last. Limbs contorted unnaturally, heads chopped off, guts ripped open--it’s all awful, even to Shisui, the most seasoned officer out of their group, and it only gets worse as they have to start bagging up the victims.</p><p>Together, the three of them work to handle the corpses with as much respect as possible, hoping to return in death the dignity so cruelly denied to them in life. Bag after bag is filled with different species, some humanoid, some not, but no doubt all deserving of a better fate than this ugliness. They speak as sparingly as possible while they clear the carnage, though Shisui keeps a close eye on his crewmates to make sure they’re not collapsing under the horrific weight of it all. Itachi, bless him, is attacking the situation with the same grim determination he always draws strength from. More than one his steely gaze flickers to Shisui, who tries to paste something reassuring onto his face in return. He’s not sure if he succeeds; quite frankly he’s not sure if it’s possible <em> to </em> succeed in this situation. </p><p>If there’s any silver lining to this positively dreadful situation it’s that Shisui can at least be sure Karin isn’t secretly plotting his downfall. Even in the dim light afforded to them by their equipment and through the thick, smudged glass of her helmet Shisui can see the ashy pallor of Karin’s skin and the wet shine of her eyes. Pity squeezes around his heart as he watches the sad, tentative way she reaches for the dead, gently setting the various bits and pieces into their cargo bags. It occurs to Shisui just how young she is and how unfair life inside Starfleet can be sometimes. </p><p>She’s crouched on the floor, idling by a pile of bones and flesh that’s virtually unidentifiable at this point when Shisui approaches her. “Hey,” he murmurs, favoring her with a small smile, “you okay?”</p><p>“This sucks,” Karin sniffs. “Like, really, <em> really </em> sucks.” </p><p>“I know.” After a moment, he lays a hand on her shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze. She leans into the gesture, grateful, and Shisui says, “C’mon. Just a little longer and then we can get the hell out of here.” </p><p>“Okay,” she says, nodding resolutely, and then it’s back to work. </p><p>It takes a little over two hours for the trio to sweep the back end of the Jörmungandr. By the end of their adventure Shisui is exhausted down to his eyeballs and definitely ready to call it a night. Rows of thick, black body bags cover the floors of the last room they’ve explored, yet another surgery room used for some godforsaken purpose. Shisui looks at each of them with a sinking feeling in his stomach and a long-forgotten prayer playing in his mind. He’s just about to link up with Anko, ask how things are going on her side of the mountain, when a loud bang echoes through the hallway.</p><p>All three of them freeze in place. Eventually, Karin asks, in a panicky whisper, “What do we do?” </p><p>“We have no choice,” Itachi replies. “Whatever it is, we must know.”</p><p>“Oh, I hate everything about this,” Shisui mutters. Given how long this ship has been abandoned, there shouldn’t be a single living creature onboard with the exception of the Corvus’ people. Then again, all of this is <em> Orochimaru’s </em> doing, so any manner of terrible things could be inhabiting the Jörmungandr even years after his execution. With a heavy sigh, he turns to the pair behind him and says, “No use putting it off, then. Karin, stay here and shoot anything that isn’t us. Itachi, I need you to watch my back.”</p><p>“Always,” Itachi says, moving closer to Shisui, and despite their probably impending deaths his presence is still comforting. Then again, what’s more romantic than dying horribly together?</p><p>“Super. Let’s get this over with.” Drawing his blaster from its holster, Shisui takes a deep breath and forces himself to move forward. </p><p>The corridor is empty as the two of them begin their patrol, passing room after room without results. Chances are high that it was just a mechanical malfunction, that the ship is in such a state of disrepair that their arrival has pushed it that much closer to destruction. But Shisui also knows his life and his luck, meaning he’s not convinced they’re going to get off that easily.</p><p>Another loud thump confirms his suspicion, as does the low growling that follows it. Frowning, Shisui turns to look at Itachi, who looks just as disturbed in return. Whatever they’re trapped with is close, way too close, and they need to find it before it finds them. </p><p>At the end of the main corridor is a single door they had previously passed over after finding it locked. Motioning for Itachi to step backwards, Shisui moves into position, preparing to kick the thing down. </p><p>But just as he’s about to strike something hard and heavy slams into his right side, sending him flying down the hallway. The creature’s all muscle and fury, snarling above him like a feral animal and pressing its weight down on him, leaving him helpless despite his struggling. Its fingers curl around his throat, squeezing viciously, and even through the heavy layers of his gear it’s enough for Shisui to start seeing stars. </p><p>“Captain!” Itachi runs to him and, in a display of brute strength he would probably find extremely sexy were he not currently fighting for his life, kicks the beast off of him. Groaning in pain, it skitters down the tiled floor, and Shisui sucks in frantic gulps of air. For a second Shisui, having been kicked by Itachi in a similar fashion during a Phys Ed class their second year at the Academy, almost feels sorry for it, but that feeling is quickly swallowed by relief as Itachi climbs on the creature’s back and pins it to the ground. Though it flails and howls beneath him Itachi remains as still as a statue, never faltering. Looking over to Shisui he asks, concern thick in his voice, “Captain, are you alright?”</p><p>“Peachy,” Shisui replies hoarsely as he moves to sit up. “Thanks for that, by the way.”</p><p>“It was my pleasure,” Itachi says, pressing the creature’s head harder into the floor, and <em> yep</em>, Shisui’s definitely conscious enough to find it sexy now. </p><p>The sound of footsteps racing towards them catches his attention. Looking down the hallway he sees Karin running, expression pinched. Breathlessly, she calls out, “What happened? What did you--” Her words cut off suddenly as she stops in her tracks, taking in Itachi and his captive with wide eyes. “Oh, fuck,” she whispers, her brows furrowing as she says, voice cracking, “... Jugo?”</p><p>At that, the--animal? man? manimal?--beneath Itachi slumps, all the fight draining out of it. “Karin?” It--<em> he </em> calls out weakly, and Karin makes a noise halfway between a laugh and a sob.</p><p>Shisui and Itachi exchange bewildered glances with one another for a long moment before Shisui finally asks, “What the <em> hell </em> is happening?” </p><p>“I can explain,” Karin says. “I can explain all of this, I promise, just--don’t hurt him, okay? Please, Itachi, just let him go.”</p><p>“No,” Itachi retorts quickly. “He attacked the Captain. He cannot be trusted.”</p><p>Shisui looks at the three of them, mind racing, and decides to take a very dangerous chance. “Itachi, get off of him.”</p><p>The Vulcan’s head snaps up to stare at him. “You cannot be serious.”</p><p>“Trust me,” he says gently and, like always, the words work their magic. Though he doesn’t look happy about it, Itachi complies, releasing the boy and allowing him to scamper over to Karin. Karin, who is now crying in earnest as she wraps her arms around Jugo. Jugo, who, seconds earlier, nearly choked Shisui into an early grave. Of all the things Shisui had expected to happen on the Jörmungandr this nonsense didn’t even crack the Top 100 List of Zany Schemes and Theories.</p><p>Itachi kneels beside him. “You are sure you are not injured?”</p><p>“Well, it’s not my most fun Saturday ever, but I’ll live,” he quips before reaching out a hand. Itachi, clever as always, pulls him to his feet without Shisui even having to ask, and keeps a protective grip on his arm even after he’s standing. Putting <em> that </em> little gesture on the backburner, Shisui turns his attention to Karin and says, “I kept up my end of the bargain, so now it’s your turn. Tell me what’s going on here.” </p><p>“Okay,” Karin says. “I’ll tell you everything.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>In the end, everyone, even Jugo himself, agrees it’s a fair trade to tie the boy up. They find some ancient IV cords in one of the many broken down operating rooms and Kisame, summoned along with Anko and Suigetsu, is more than happy to do the deed. Now that he’s not trying to murder the hell out of Shisui Jugo seems like a perfectly nice person, though one who is more than a little shellshocked by the whole experience. Given the hellscape he’s been trapped in, Shisui can’t exactly fault him for being a few cards short of a full deck. </p><p>“I don’t get how this punk’s even still alive,” Anko says, watching Jugo like she’s expecting him to turn Kisame into sushi at any moment. “This rustbucket’s been MIA for years. Nobody should still be kicking around on it.”</p><p>“That is one question amongst many,” Itachi replies. He’s still hovering around Shisui, prepped and ready to defend him if need be, and it’s kind of cute. It’s like he’s Shisui’s very beautiful yet incredibly dangerous attack dog. Looking to Karin, he says, “You promised earlier to explain all of this. Do so.” </p><p>Sensing shit is most likely about to hit the fan, Shisui orders, “Kisame, Suigetsu, wait outside,” and the two slip out of the room, the door clicking softly behind them. </p><p>Karin eyes Jugo, uncertainty clear on her face, but the expression smooths out when he flashes her a tiny, encouraging smile. “Okay,” she breathes, squaring her shoulders before looking at Shisui. “I’m sorry about what happened. Really, I am. I didn’t know it was going to turn out like this.”</p><p>“But you suspected it might?” Shisui asks.</p><p>“Sort of?” Shaking her head, she continues, “Look, I’ve known Jugo since we were kids. When we met it was in this horrible group house for abandoned kids no one gave a crap about. Growing up all we had was each other.” Shisui can at least relate to that feeling; without thinking, he looks over at Anko, and isn’t surprised to see her doing the same to him. “It was like that for years until one day Jugo was just… gone. The people who ran the orphanage wouldn’t tell me anything--where he went, who took him, if he was even <em> happy</em>. It fucking sucked. So when I was old enough to strike out on my own that’s what I did. I joined Starfleet because I wanted a better life, but I also joined to find my friend.”</p><p>“How sweet,” Anko says flatly, and Shisui represses a snort. What a hypocrite.</p><p>Tactfully ignoring the outburst, Karin keeps talking, “I spent years tracking down rumors, piecing together stories and gossip until I finally realized who Jugo left with.”</p><p>“Orochimaru,” Itachi guesses, and she nods, features stormy.</p><p>“As soon as the Captain mentioned the Jörmungandr, I knew I had to get on this ship. Even if it was just to get Jugo’s body back, I had to do it.” Jugo rests a massive hand over her much smaller one and gives it a squeeze, which would be sweet were it not for the puddles of piss and vomit all around them. </p><p>“Touching story,” Shisui says, after a minute of quiet contemplation, “but it leaves a lot to be desired as far as explanations go.” Turning to Jugo, he asks, “How did you manage to survive all these years?”</p><p>Jugo grimaces. “I don’t… remember a lot of it,” he admits, his eyes on the filthy floor. “There’s a lot of gaps in my memory from the time I spent with Orochimaru.”</p><p>“Probably for the best,” Anko mutters, and Shisui glares at her. “What?” she snaps, defensive. “Everyone else was thinking it.”</p><p>“What <em> do </em> you remember?” Itachi presses. </p><p>For a moment Jugo suddenly looks much older than his young age. “Violence,” he says, “and suffering.”</p><p>“I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the reason Orochimaru snatched you up was for his research,” Shisui says, stomach churning at the thought alone.</p><p>Jugo nods. “Like I said, there’s a lot about my life I don’t remember, like my parents or where I come from. But I’ve always known I was different, that I had… abilities, of some sort.” A sardonic smile suddenly curves his lips. “Of all Orochimaru’s experiments I was the one that lasted the longest. Don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse.”</p><p>“Perhaps a bit of both,” Itachi suggests, though not unkindly. “I assume Orochimaru abandoned this vessel before his capture. Can you remember anything at all about that day?”</p><p>“Just flashes, nothing concrete,” Jugo replies. “I know he was scared that Starfleet was zeroing in on him, but that’s it. One minute he was here and the next he wasn’t.”</p><p>“He left you here to kill each other, destroy all the evidence,” Anko snarls in disgust. “Sick fuck.” </p><p>Shisui says nothing, looking at Jugo’s shadowed eyes and tight mouth and trying to imagine what his life has been like. An unloved, forgotten child groomed into an unholy science project, then forced to murder and scavenge like a street dog to survive, all the while most likely wondering if such a wretched existence was even worth sustaining in the first place. “I’m sorry this happened to you,” he says finally, though if the words aren’t even close to being enough. </p><p>Still, Jugo looks touched by the sentiment nonetheless. “Thank you.” </p><p>“Well, now that we’re all thoroughly depressed,” Anko starts dryly as she turns to Shisui, “what the hell are we going to do?” </p><p>“Since we have collected all of the specimens onboard, we should return to the Corvus,” Itachi answers, even though she very clearly wasn’t speaking to him. “I am sure that Lord Danzo will have the resources to give Jugo the care that he needs in order to recover.” </p><p>“Danzo?” Jugo murmurs suddenly, eyebrows pinched, and <em> that </em> certainly gets Shisui’s attention.</p><p>Curious, he asks, “That name ring a bell to you?”</p><p>“Maybe? If it does, I don’t remember why.” Frowning, he says, “I’m sorry I’m not more helpful.”</p><p>“You have nothing to apologize for,” Karin assures him.</p><p>“I mean, killing and eating people to live <em> is </em> kind of a morally gray area,” Anko cuts in, then rolls her eyes as the entire room looks at her in horror. “Again: everyone else was thinking it!” </p><p>“Your thoughtful and empathetic nature continues to shine through, Mitarashi,” Itachi deadpans as he reaches for his PADD. “I will contact Ino and inform her we are ready to return.”</p><p>“Don’t,” Shisui quickly orders. “Don’t tell them anything.” </p><p>Itachi looks at him, confused and more than a little concerned. “Captain?”</p><p>Exhaling sharply, he says, “We’re not handing over Jugo to Danzo.”</p><p>“What?” Anko asks, shocked. “Why the fuck not?” </p><p>Shisui considers his answer carefully. There are a lot of thoughts running through his head and not nearly enough time to sort them all out. Along with that, he’s not entirely sure how much information he wants to give his crew; if this plot goes as deep as he thinks it does then everyone he cares about--well, everyone and Suigetsu--is going to crash and burn along with him. “Because I’m pretty sure that if Danzo takes custody of Jugo he’ll just throw him back into a cage and then play around with his insides some more.” </p><p>“What makes you so sure Lord Danzo is untrustworthy?” Itachi stares at Shisui, and Shisui can see the real question in his face so clearly it’s almost painful: <em> what aren’t you telling me?  </em></p><p>But Shisui doesn’t plan on telling him a damn thing, not unless he absolutely has to. If he has to go down, he’s determined to go down alone. “I told you I had a bad feeling about this.”</p><p>“A bad feeling is not enough to warrant treason,” Itachi states hotly, “which is precisely what we would be committing if we hide evidence from our superiors. Why are you so convinced that Starfleet Command will harm this boy?” </p><p>“Why are you so convinced that they won’t?” </p><p>They stare at each other in silence, the tension long and miserable, before Anko finally interrupts it. “At this risk of sounding like a total dicksick, I’m with Shisui,” she says. “I’ve spent enough time reading and redacting reports to know when shady shit’s happening in this organization. This whole place fucking stinks, and it’s not just because of all the corpses.”</p><p>“If we’re not going to tell Danzo,” Karin begins, “then what <em> are </em> we going to do?”</p><p>“I guess that depends,” Shisui says.</p><p>“On?”</p><p>Looking at Jugo, he replies, “How long you can hold your breath.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Logically, Shisui knows that this whole plot is bananas.</p><p>Itachi isn’t wrong; they’re taking a very big risk all because he has a hunch that some fuckshit’s happening behind the scenes of Starfleet, a hunch that he has virtually no proof of. At the end of day, all he has is idle gossip, a confused look on the face of an unwitting murderer, and a nagging sensation in his gut. That’s literally it. And now he’s about to betray the only thing he’s ever devoted his life to, all because of the very small chance that something terrible may be happening behind the scenes. It’s insane. Shisui <em> knows </em> it’s insane. </p><p>That said, having spent his entire adult life in Starfleet’s service, Shisui has learned that few things in the universe are as valuable as good, old-fashioned instincts, and his are more finely-tuned than most. And instinct is telling him that everything about this situation is an absolute crapshoot, which is why he’s made the executive decision to throw Jugo in a bag and sneak him on board the Corvus. </p><p>Both Karin and Jugo seemed to be relieved by Shisui’s plan while Anko doesn’t seem to care much either way. Itachi, however, cares <em> very </em> much. He continues to watch Shisui with his eyes narrowed and his mouth tense as they load the actual specimens plus the hidden Jugo into the Corvus’ cargo bay. His dislike of the plan had quickly morphed into outright hatred when Shisui made everyone in the operating room promise to turn on him should the entire affair blow up in their pretty little faces.</p><p>“If this goes south you’re going to tell Danzo I forced your hand,” Shisui had said, back on the Jörmungandr. “All of you,” he added, when he saw the way Itachi was staring at him, expression caught somewhere between anger and sadness.</p><p>“Works for me,” Anko replied, chipper, and Karin and Jugo had reluctantly agreed.</p><p>Only Itachi, stubborn as a goddamn mule, held firm. “No.”</p><p>Shisui sighed. “Don’t look at me like that.”</p><p>“He is literally not emoting,” Anko said. “He <em> never </em> emotes.”</p><p>Though he considered arguing that point, Shisui instead told Itachi, “I want you to turn on me. It’s an order,” and in the end Itachi could only obey. </p><p>Shisui didn’t feel good about the choice; throwing his weight around as the Captain has never been something he’s enjoyed. Somehow he manages to feel even worse now that they’re back on their own ship and Itachi is very begrudgingly following his lead. To his credit, he’s a faithful enough subordinate to repeatedly offer Shisui his assistance, though Shisui declines every time. The less Itachi is involved in all of this mess, he reasons, the better. After all, it’s bad enough he’s making the Vulcan break his personal moral code over fucking bad vibes of all things. There’s no need to rely on Itachi anymore than he absolutely has to. Bizarrely, his denials just seem to worsen Itachi’s mood, but Shisui has neither the time nor the patience to figure out why. </p><p>The threat of contamination proves to be a very good reason to keep the entire cargo bay on lockdown. Shisui gives strict orders for no one to enter without his permission, stationing Anko outside the main gate as an enforcer, while Shisui, Itachi, and Karin get to work. Their plan is as simple as it is dangerous: get Jugo out of his body bag, sneak him through the ventilation system, and hide him in Karin’s quarters until they can find a time and a place to beam him to a (hopefully) better planet to start a (hopefully) better life. There are about a million and one things that could go wrong, and Shisui tries to anticipate each and every single one of them. </p><p>“This is just a temporary precaution to keep any bacteria from spreading through the ship,” he says as Karin dumps the acrid-smelling decontamination fluid all over Jugo. “Get him in the shower as soon as you reach your room. Don’t forget to wet your own hair to cover your bases, just in case.”</p><p>Karin nods then adds, a tad hesitantly, “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”</p><p>“Not getting me arrested is a good start,” Shisui replies, the corners of his lips turning up despite the stress of their current situation. From his left Itachi manages to remove the cover of one of the vents and pries it open; it’s going to be one hell of a tight fit, but they should be able to make it. “You need to get going; Ino’s signaling Danzo now, so we don’t have a lot of time.”</p><p>“Yes, sir.” Without another word the pair shuffle through the small opening, grunting in effort, before disappearing entirely. That just leaves Shisui, Itachi, and the mess of unspoken words and uncomfortable emotions between them.</p><p>Sighing, Shisui says, “Look, I get that you’re angry with me, but it’s going to be okay. I’m not going to let you get burned for this.”</p><p>Just when he thought it wasn’t possible for Itachi to look more pissed at him he reaches an entirely new level of pissiness. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“That’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it? The fact I’m breaking your precious rules?”</p><p>Some of the anger leaves Itachi’s face, quickly replaced with, of all things, hurt. “You,” he begins, a slight tremble to his voice, “are <em> unbelievably </em> stupid.” </p><p>It feels like Itachi’s slapped him. Honestly, Shisui kind of wishes he had, because a slap would be way more clear than whatever the hell Itachi is talking about. </p><p>Shaking his head, Itachi says, “It is not worth dwelling upon, not when we have so much work to do before Lord Shimura docks the Corvus. I will speak with Ino and gather how much time we have before his arrival.” He brushes past Shisui, clearly done with the conversation.</p><p>Shisui is very much <em> not </em> done with the conversation. Like a complete dumbass he reaches for Itachi, grabbing onto the man’s arm, and looks into his wide, black eyes. He thinks of the way Itachi guarded him on the Jörmungandr, the way he held Shisui’s hand as he lay on what was essentially his deathbed. All the small touches and stolen glances that have piled up over the last few years, all the information collected in Shisui’s memory that he doesn’t know how to process. <em> What the hell are we to each other? </em> He wants to ask, but the words stay stuck in his throat.</p><p>Eventually, Itachi says, thinly, “If you will not even give me the courtesy of communication then please release me.” </p><p>Feeling raw and exposed, Shisui drops his hand, fingers curling into a fist. “Go talk to Ino,” he tells Itachi, an embarrassed heat sneaking up his neck. </p><p>“As you wish,” Itachi replies, already halfway out the door and taking quick, infuriated steps into the hall.</p><p>Anko pokes her head through the entryway, looking amused. “Trouble in paradise?”</p><p>Shisui scowls at her. “Just fucking help me,” he mutters, and, to her credit, Anko doesn’t hesitate to jump into the muck.</p><p>By the time they’ve successfully covered up the traces of Jugo’s existence and carefully stacked the remaining body bags, Ino is paging over the intercom to let them know Danzo is requesting permission to board. Reluctantly, Shisui gives it to her. </p><p>Anko studies his expression, a thoughtfulness on her face that usually means something terrible is about to come out of her mouth. “It isn’t too late, you know,” she says. “To rat the kid out and cover your own ass.”</p><p>“Not an option,” Shisui replies, and she shrugs.</p><p>“Worth a shot,” she tells him, looping an arm through his. “C’mon, let’s get this shitshow over with.” </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Lord Danzo Shimura and a handful of his Starfleet flunkies are already on the bridge when Shisui and Anko enter. Itachi is also on the bridge, but refuses to meet Shisui’s eyes when Shisui looks at him. <em> So it’s like that, then</em>, he thinks, annoyed, before shifting his focus to Danzo. </p><p>In person, Danzo manages to be even more intimidating than he was on Shisui’s screen. Though his expression is even and his smile is perfectly polite, there’s an aura around him that has Shisui on edge. Nevertheless, he pushes himself to reach out and shake the man’s hand when it’s offered to him. His grip is firm, without an ounce of hesitation, and Shisui suspects that’s symbolic of how Danzo lives the rest of his life.</p><p>“Captain Uchiha,” Danzo greets him. “It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance. I have heard many wonderful things about you.” </p><p>“Don’t know who you’ve been talking to, then,” Shisui replies, a tight smile on his face as he crosses his arms over his chest.</p><p>“Ah, I didn’t know you were so modest.”</p><p>“He isn’t,” Anko, Itachi, and Asuma all say, in unison, drawing a dry laugh out of Danzo.</p><p>“It would seem you have a very lively crew,” the elder comments.</p><p>“I’m positively up to my ears in liveliness,” Shisui agrees flatly. </p><p>“Truthfully, I find passion to be a very underrated quality in our line of work. Yes, unrestrained emotion can lead to one’s downfall, but loyalty, dedication--there are few traits more necessary to Starfleet’s success. Wouldn’t you agree?” Danzo asks, turning to Itachi, and Shisui’s skin feels like it’s going to crawl right off his body.</p><p>“I suppose that is one way of looking at the world,” Itachi says, tone clipped, and Danzo’s smile sharpens. </p><p>“I believe I am beginning to understand your predicament,” he tells Shisui. “You have many strong personalities to contend with.”</p><p>“We do okay here,” Shisui replies, shoulders tensing. The longer they stand around making small talk, the more likely it is that Danzo is going to discover their little secret. “Lord Shimura, I’m sure that this is pretty out of the way for you. Why don’t I take you to the remnants of the Jörmungandr so you and your crew can be on your way?” </p><p>“Oh, it’s no trouble at all,” Danzo protests. “I was actually hoping to speak with you in private, if you have a moment to spare?”</p><p>Shisui hates everything about this. “I can make time.”</p><p>“Wonderful. Please, take me to your quarters. While we talk I will have Sai and my other associates examine your vessel, to repay the courtesy you have done for me. Just to see if there are any underlying… difficulties you may need my help with.”</p><p>“That is unnecessary,” Itachi retorts. “We are scheduled to dock at the spaceport for our yearly examination in less than--”</p><p>“Itachi,” Shisui interrupts sternly; the last time he needs is Itachi getting so hung up on defending their ship he sends this whole charade off the rails. Turning back to Danzo, he says,  “I would appreciate that greatly. Anko will be happy to help your crew with whatever they need.”</p><p>“I will?” Anko asks, puzzled, before adding, “Oh, fuck. Yeah, I totally will.” </p><p>Danzo smiles. “Lovely,” he murmurs. Then, to Shisui he instructs, “Lead the way.” </p><p>Swallowing the sour taste crawling up his throat, Shisui begins the trek back to his office. The walk feels both too long and too short, with Danzo making little, two-faced comments the entire time while Shisui answers cordially and pretends he doesn’t want to peel his own face off. It’s not long before Shisui is unlocking the door to his quarters and gesturing for Danzo to sit.</p><p>The man deposits himself in one of Shisui’s desks chairs, flouncing around with an inflated air of ego and superiority that has Shisui suppressing an eyeroll; arrogance is only an attractive look on him, after all. “So,” he says from behind his desk, “what did you need to talk to me about?”</p><p>“Forgive me,” Danzo says, all phony good humor, “I must admit that I had no real business to discuss with you. I merely wanted to meet the youngest Captain in Starfleet history.” Shisui suspects that’s Danzo code for <em> ‘ </em>I wanted to separate you from your crew so they could fuck up in your absence.’ “You must be very proud.” </p><p>“It’s an honor,” Shisui agrees, resting his clasped hands above a small pile of paperwork.</p><p>“I can certainly see why you received it, though.” As if he’s reading directly from a book, Danzo recalls, “You graduated from the Academy at nineteen with some of the highest marks Starfleet has ever seen, then quickly moved your way up the ranks, taking on mission after mission in the process. And that isn’t even mentioning the glowing recommendations from all of your superior officers. All in all, ten years of service with a near perfect record to show for it.”</p><p>Shisui raises an eyebrow. “‘Near perfect?’”</p><p>“Ah, it hardly counts, but I did see there was some business regarding a possible Prime Directive violation only a few months again.”</p><p>“It was dismissed because of a lack of evidence.”</p><p>“I saw that, as well.”</p><p>“Guess there isn’t that much to discuss, then.”</p><p>Danzo chuckles. “It is a difficult position to be in. I remember what it’s like to be so young and yet have so much power. It is hard to know what the right choices are to make in life.” </p><p>Shisui smiles without a drop of kindness. “Yeah, but you were never a Captain, were you, Lord Shimura?”</p><p>The drains some of the pleasantry out of Danzo’s ugly, wrinkly face. “No,” he replies tonelessly. “I was not.” </p><p>“That’s alright. Seems like your current job suits you just fine.” </p><p>“You flatter me,” Danzo says.</p><p>“Just being honest, sir.” </p><p>A moment of silence passes between the two of them, neither one willing to break eye contact, before Danzo tells him, “It really is quite an interesting group you’ve collected on your ship, Captain. Cardassians, Antedians, Uzumakis.” After a pause, his smile broadens and he adds, “Vulcans.”</p><p>“That’s what the Federation is all about, isn’t it?” Shisui asks, trying to ignore the way his chest tightens at the mention of Itachi. “Holding each others’ hands, singing little songs together?”</p><p>“I suppose it is,” he agrees. “But I believe that peace is an expensive thing. To achieve it, to maintain it, we must be willing to make sacrifices, sometimes very large ones. A Captain such as yourself must be exceptionally willing to do so.”</p><p>“With all due respect, I think being a Captain means knowing which things shouldn’t be sacrificed.” </p><p>Danzo tilts his head. “You aren’t a fan of being told what to do, are you?”</p><p>“Not at all; I can take orders with the best of ‘em. I just don’t care for absolutes.” </p><p>“Perhaps you should not have made Ambassador Fugaku’s son your First Officer, then.”</p><p>“Itachi hasn’t failed me yet,” Shisui says, anger creeping into his voice despite his best efforts. The first tangible thing Danzo can use against him and of course it ends up being the best weapon of them all.</p><p>“No,” Danzo replies, a bit smugly. “Not yet.” </p><p>A knock on Shisui’s door pops the tense atmosphere like a balloon. “Come in,” he calls, never looking away from Danzo’s face.</p><p>Because there is no hope or mercy in the world it is of course Itachi who pokes his head into the room. “Captain,” he begins, “we have received clearance to load the specimens onto Lord Shimura’s ship.”</p><p>It feels like a small mountain range has fallen off Shisui’s shoulders. Somehow, despite all the odds, they’re in the clear. “Understood, Itachi,” he says. “Thank you.”</p><p>With a nod (and one last cold look at Danzo), Itachi slips out as quickly as he arrived.</p><p>Danzo stands from his chair, brushing his hands over his crisp military uniform. “It would seem it is time for me to depart.”</p><p>Shisui mimics his movement. “I agree.”</p><p>Once again Danzo reaches to shake his hand, holding onto it tightly as he says, “I will be watching your career very closely, Captain Uchiha. We shall meet again.”</p><p>“Looking forward to it,” Shisui replies, squeezing Danzo’s fingers in his own. </p><p>
  <em> Game on, you fucking asshole.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>By the time Danzo’s vessel is another twinkle in the night sky, the majority of the stress in Shisui’s body has disappeared. Once it’s gone, though, about a million and one questions take its place.</p><p>There are a couple of things Shisui knows for sure. Thing one is that he definitely made the right choice in smuggling Jugo onboard. Thing two is that his earlier suspicion of being targeted was correct; from his conversation it was clear that Danzo had taken time out of his busy day of being a comic book supervillain to read all about him. And thing three is his business with Danzo Shimura is far from over. The man already has one hell of a headstart on him, meaning it’s time for Shisui to fight fire with fire.</p><p>“I need a favor,” he tells Anko as they walk back to their respective rooms.</p><p>“No,” she says almost immediately.</p><p>“It involves crime.”</p><p>Anko perks up instantly. “Okay.” </p><p>Shisui grins; with Anko on the case that crusty old bastard doesn’t stand a chance. </p><p>Now that he’s content he’s done everything he can possibly do to protect his crew, there’s one more piece of business for Shisui to attend to. He spends a mortifying amount of time lingering outside Itachi’s personal quarters before he finally gets up the courage to knock. For a while there’s no answer, and Shisui stands there, heart in his throat, hoping Itachi won’t blow him off entirely. </p><p>But Itachi’s too reliable--and too petty, honestly--to ignore him, so after what feels like a century of waiting the door finally opens. </p><p>“Let me guess,” Shisui says, offering him a small smile, “you’re still pissed at me.”</p><p>Itachi looks at him stonily before finally replying, “No, Captain. I am not.” </p><p>“If that’s the case, mind letting me in?” </p><p>It takes a long moment of contemplation before Itachi finally acquises, widening the door enough for Shisui to step inside. With all the time they’ve spent together it’s actually kind of shocking that this is the first time Shisui has entered Itachi’s quarters. After glancing around curiously, he decides it’s pretty much what he always expected it would be--impossibly tidy and impossibly bland. Still, the intimacy of the situation crawls under his skin enough for Shisui to redirect his focus back to Itachi, standing stiffly at attention in front of him. </p><p>“Would you relax? I’m not here to fight with you again,” Shisui assures. </p><p>“What are you here for, exactly?” </p><p>Shisui runs a hand through his hair, his previous anxiety returning in full force. “I didn’t come to apologize for making the choice to take on Jugo. It was the right thing to do, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I had to. <em> But</em>,” he stresses as Itachi opens his mouth for a rebuttal, “in doing so I put you in a really shitty situation and for that I <em> am </em> sorry.”</p><p>Somehow, in a turn of events Shisui definitely does not understand, the words cause Itachi’s expression to tighten even more; for fuck’s sake, <em> why </em> does this keep happening? “You really do not understand why I am upset, do you?” </p><p>Bewildered, he replies, “... No?” </p><p>Itachi sighs harshly in frustration. “I am not angry because you chose to help a defenseless victim of a horrible crime,” he says before adding, softer than before, “I am angry that you chose to do it alone.”</p><p>“<em>What?</em>”</p><p>Itachi’s pulse works quick and wild in his throat as he sits on the edge of his bed. Any other time the sight would have Shisui feeling a very particular type of way, but right it’s just adding to his confusion. “There was not even a second where you tried to work with me or let me take some of the burden off your shoulders. All you did was argue and push me away when I tried to assist you. And, frankly, I find this whole situation hilariously ironic given that not long ago you gave me virtually the same lecture.”</p><p>Of all the reasons Shisui could have suspected were behind Itachi’s anger, he never would have guessed ‘you didn’t let me break the law with you’ was the actual culprit. It’s all so absurd. “Yeah, but that’s different,” he argues.</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“Because I’m perfect and always right?” he offers weakly, in an attempt to break the rapidly worsening atmosphere between them.</p><p>It fails. Miserably. “I would appreciate it if you did not insert unnecessary humor into this discussion to deflect from your own discomfort with emotional vulnerability,” Itachi replies, and suddenly it feels like all the air has been sucked out of Shisui’s lungs. Never in his life has he been read with such brutal honesty, and it leaves him feeling sideways.</p><p>“Guess I got nothing, then,” he says finally, in an uncharacteristically small voice.</p><p>Shisui doesn’t know what’s on his face right now, but whatever it is causes Itachi to back down, at least for the moment. “You must know,” he starts, uncharacteristically gentle, “how highly I think of you. I trust you implicitly, and I will support any decision you make because I know the strength of your character.”</p><p>“But?” </p><p>“But I believe there are times where you suffer more than you need to and take on far more than you should. And it frustrates me because I am standing right here, ready and willing to help you. Yet time and time again you refuse to let me do that. You talk about how much you respect me, but you do not treat me like an equal. Perhaps it is unfair or unprofessional to say this, but I must be honest.” Itachi inhales deeply and faces directly at Shisui when he adds, “I do not want to be another body in your command. I want to be your partner.”</p><p>Shisui… genuinely has nothing to say to that. Not for the first time he thinks about how, when they first boarded the Corvus together a conversation like this would be unthinkable. He remembers how things were in the beginning, back when they were first starting to get to know each other. Vividly he can recall the way they danced around each other, careful not to break the tentative truce they had established after years and years of bad blood. And he can very clearly picture how, in the rare moments where Itachi’s long-buried emotions would bubble to the surface, he would always appear so unsure, so afraid. He never looked Shisui in the eye or spoke with such conviction, but now… Now, everything’s changed between them, and Shisui supposes it’s time for him to get on board. </p><p>After a moment of silently weighing the pros and cons of being disgustingly honest, Shisui eventually makes his choice. He sits beside Itachi, making sure he maintains a professional distance, and says, “I don’t know how to talk about this without dragging up, like, really unsexy emotional baggage, but I don’t enjoy relying on people more than I have to. If something is really shitty or fucked up I’d rather just deal with it myself rather than risking people I care about. And I care about you. A lot.” </p><p>Taking his chances, he glances over at Itachi and isn’t surprised to see the Vulcan watching him with intense focus. It’s not an expression he sees on Itachi’s face often, but each time it does something hot and fierce curls inside of him. <em> Definitely </em> time to look away, then. “It’s crazy, but sometimes… Sometimes I see you, and I think about how I screwed up your whole life by dragging you on this ship. Because you’re so brilliant and morally upright, and it seems like such a joke that you’re stuck here with me.”</p><p>“Captain,” Itachi protests almost immediately. “with all due respect, that is a truly terrible perspective.”</p><p>“Wow,” Shisui says, laughing uncomfortably. “First, you demand I open up to you, and then you mock me for doing so. On second thought, I take back my compliments. You’re actually kind of a dick.” </p><p>“That was not my intention. I only meant…” Itachi pauses, making sure to select the perfect words before continuing. It’s a trait that Shisui, who frequently has a habit of saying whatever comes to his mind, respects. “I am exactly where I want to be, and I do not see that changing any time in the near future. So please, do not think so highly of me and so lowly of yourself. It is a skewed and unwarranted conclusion.” Suddenly his face brightens, and Shisui recognizes it as the look he usually gets while making a major discovery in his lab. “I would like to propose a deal. From now on, you will be more open and honest with me along with striving to maintain a more balanced worldview.” </p><p>“Sounds like a pretty tall order,” Shisui comments suspiciously. “What do I get out of this?” </p><p>“Besides my undying loyalty and support?” Itachi offers, a tad sarcastic. “Currently nothing comes to mind, but I will remain open to further negotiations.” </p><p>“Ooh, I know!” Turning to Itachi with a devious glint in his eye, he says, “You could finally call me by my first name.”</p><p>“No,” Itachi answers immediately. </p><p>“What?” Shisui whines. “Why?”</p><p>“I have my reasons.”</p><p>He snorts. “Because that’s not cryptic or anything.” Stuffing his childish disappointment down, he turns to Itachi and asks, “So, we’re okay?”</p><p>Itachi smiles at him, the small, soft gesture Shisui lo--likes a whole lot. “Yes,” he says. “We are okay.”</p><p>Considering the day he’s had, Shisui is very happy to take okay. “You know, one of these days you’re <em> totally </em>going to call me by my name.”</p><p>“I would not hold your breath,” Itachi jokes, and Shisui laughs so loud he’s surprised the entire ship doesn’t come crashing down around them. </p><p>Yeah, okay is pretty good.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Bright and early the next morning Anko lets herself into Shisui’s office.</p><p>He stares at her. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Anko stares back. “You told me to come to you when I found something.”</p><p>“Yeah, but, like. It’s seven am. I didn’t even know you could function this early in the day.”</p><p>“You know what? Keep this up, and I will never do another fucking thing for you ever again,” she threatens before tossing a thick stack of papers onto his desk. “Read ‘em and weep.”</p><p>Shisui frowns. It’s a hell of a lot more information than he was expecting, to be honest. Under Anko’s careful watch he begins skimming through her hastily thrown together report, and…</p><p><em> Huh</em>.</p><p>“Huh,” he says, looking up at her through narrowed eyes. “We’ve got a rat on our boat.”</p><p>“That we do, sir.” </p><p>Shisui can feel his pulse quicken in his veins, with a mixture of fear and fury. Just when he thought he was out of the shit life finds a way to throw him right back in. “Guess it’s time for a little pest control, then.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>As pissed as he is--and he is, <em> very</em>--Shisui isn’t stupid. He bides his time, waiting for the end of his shift, before making his move.</p><p>It’s quiet as he enters the Science Lab, unsurprising given that the day is almost over. Only Kabuto remains, typing diligently on his keyboard. For a moment Shisui lingers in the doorway, silent as a churchmouse, content to just watch and wait for Kabuto to notice him. When the man does he all but jumps out of his chair. “Captain,” he says, wide-eyed. “You startled me.” </p><p>Shisui grins, wolfish and empty. “Did I? My apologies.” </p><p>“It was an honest mistake, sir. No apology is needed.” Closing his laptop, Kabuto asks, “Can I help you with something?”</p><p>“Not necessarily. Mostly I was curious about your progress you’ve made with Orochimaru’s leftovers.” While they hadn’t physically kept any of the recovered uglies from the Jörmungandr, Itachi and Karin had made a point to compile all the information they could recall in order to analyze it. And Kabuto, the kind soul that he is, had offered to help.</p><p>“I’m afraid there is not much. Much of what we collected was rather vague, but I was able to detect one blood pattern that could belong to a very rare type of hemophilia found only in Romulans.” </p><p>“Fascinating,” Shisui replies, brows raised, his smile never wavering as he asks, “and exactly how much of that information is getting funneled back to Danzo?” </p><p>Kabuto freezes. “I don’t--”</p><p>“Oh, don’t bother denying it. You’ll just embarrass us both.” Closing the door behind him, Shisui walks closer to the traitor in his midst, dropping his sweet disposition as he says, “I gotta say, for someone who’s spent the last two years spying on me and mine, you sure left one hell of a papertrail to get burned by.” </p><p>“You must understand,” Kabuto says insistently. “Lord Danzo left me no choice.”</p><p>“Mm, see, <em> that’s </em> where you lose me, because the second people started shirking their responsibility for perpetuating evil shit all my sympathies fly out the proverbial airlock.” Shisui puts a hand on Kabuto’s shoulder, digging his fingers in until the man visibly winces. “You really want to convince me you’re some helpless victim in this mess? Tell me everything and for the sake of your own life don’t leave out a single detail.” </p><p>“Fine,” he snaps, shaking free of Shisui’s grip. “How much do you know about Cardassian society?”</p><p>“Enough to know it’s a bit of a crapshoot.”</p><p>“That is putting it mildly, in my opinion.” Something cold and dark comes over Kabuto’s face as he continues, “The Cardassian people place an almost religious emphasis on family, yet they have an ironic distaste for orphans. No one is more unfortunate on Cardassian than a parentless child, a lesson I learned early on in my life.”</p><p>Shisui snorts, unimpressed. “That’s your sob story? You never had a mommy or a daddy so you decided to break bad?”</p><p>“I didn’t <em> decide </em> anything,” Kabuto replies, features twisting. “Orochimaru made all my decisions for me.” </p><p>That is most certainly <em>not</em> where he thought this story was going. “Orochimaru?” </p><p>“Children like myself were ideal targets for him; we were easy labor that nobody would miss. I was eight when I was taken from my home planet by Orochimaru. He raised me, taught me everything I need to know--how to read, how to write. How to kill.” Shisui thinks of Jugo, alone on an abandoned ship, hunting down his fellow survivors just to live another day, and represses a shudder. “I lived nearly my entire life at his side.”</p><p>“Until Danzo,” Shisui guesses. </p><p>“I became familiar with Lord Danzo not long after joining Orochimaru’s organization. It is common knowledge that the two were obviously acquainted through Admiral Sarutobi, but what most do not know is that their communication did not cease after Orochimaru’s defection from Starfleet.”</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. Are you seriously claiming that Danzo Shimura, one of the highest-ranking men in Starfleet, was collaborating with a war criminal?” There is a single second of clarity where Shisui realizes just how batshit fucking insane this all is. Sure, he thought Danzo was dirty. Yeah, he knew there was some sketchy reason the guy wanted the Jörmungandr. But this is just… way too much.</p><p>“I’m not claiming anything; I saw it with my own eyes. Lord Danzo visited the Jörmungandr numerous times specifically to work with Orochimaru.”</p><p>“And why would he do that?”</p><p>“For the same reason that all people sought Orochimaru: his research.” Scoffing, Kabuto says, “The arrogance of humanity has never ceased to astound me. Your species believes itself to be so powerful, so much more important than any other creature around you, that you even seek to conquer death itself. Lord Danzo and Orochimaru worked well together because they had the same goals: immortality.” </p><p>“So, what? He let Orochimaru galavant around the galaxy so the guy could bring him the fountain of youth?”</p><p>“Essentially. Lord Danzo is not a young man, nor is he a healthy one--a fact he takes great care to hide, mind you. His power rests in the fact that so many people <em> believe </em> he has power; if Starfleet knew he was ill, he would lose everything.” </p><p>Shisui shakes his head. He hates that all of this is starting to add up. “If what you’re telling me is true, why would Danzo betray his bestest best friend Orochimaru and put him down Old Yeller-style?” </p><p>“While Orochimaru was undeniably a monster, he was also an incredibly gifted man. That said, his greatest flaw was--”</p><p>“Being a creepy psychopath?” Shisui suggests. </p><p>Narrowing his eyes, Kabuto continues, “His willingness to test his creations on himself. Much of his life was spent playing a dangerous game; there’s only so many times one can manipulate their own genetic material before damage is created than cannot be undone. By the end of his life Orochimaru was careless, unstable, certainly more trouble than he was worth. So Lord Danzo decided to dispose of him to cover his own tracks and seize all the glory that one is gifted when one hunts down the most hated man in the universe.” </p><p>That would also explain why Danzo drafted the Corvus into the mix in order to secure Orochimaru’s sloppy seconds; Danzo knew better than anyone what was on the Jörmungandr, meaning he would be way less inclined to risk his own people and much more likely to send out other teams like lambs to the slaughter. “What about you? Why didn’t Danzo mow you down along with him?”</p><p>“Lord Danzo believed I had potential, so he offered what he believed was a fair trade: he would spare my life in exchange for my service loyalty.” Despite how much he wants to slap the hell out of Kabuto right now, he does actually feel sorry for the guy. Orochimaru really left a trail of misery in his wake. “<em> That </em> is what I mean when I say that I had no choice in the matter. It was either side with him or die.”</p><p>“And you’ve been selling secrets to him ever since.” Thinking back on the time they’ve spent together so far, an interesting theory comes to mind: “That’s why the whole tribble mess happened, isn’t it? Danzo wanted you to use the superbugs to see if you could buy him a one-way ticket to immortality.”</p><p>An emotion akin to approval fills Kabuto’s face. “You are smarter than you look, Captain.” </p><p>Shisui chooses to ignore that. He also chooses not to bring up the myriad of times Kabuto said he wasn’t all that bright and shouldn’t be a Captain in his bitchy little reports. <em> Time and place</em>, he reminds himself. “Fine. So, Danzo tricks you into doing his bidding in exchange for skipping out on jail time. Why come to the Corvus? Why us”</p><p>“Orochimaru’s death was a significant loss to Lord Danzo. Given his declining health, he needed to find a replacement, another scientist with a talent for both medicine and xenobiology, before it was too late.” </p><p>Just like that, it all comes together. “Itachi,” Shisui says, the response very much not a question. </p><p>“Yes,” Kabuto confirms, and that’s when Shisui pounces on him. In seconds he’s got his hand fisted in Kabuto’s uniform shirt and the Cardassian pinned up against a wall. So much for not letting his emotions get the best of him.</p><p>“I should have known that’s what would make you snap,” Kabuto sneers, and Shisui shoves him against the wall again, harder than the first time, just because he can.</p><p>“If I were you I’d think real fucking carefully about the next words out of your lying fucking mouth,” Shisui snarls. </p><p>“I’m not the one who’s assaulting his staff on camera.”</p><p>“Funny you should mention that; there’s actually a very strange power outage in the Science Lab right now. That’s why I’m here--or, at least, why everyone <em> thinks </em> I’m here.” </p><p>The smug mask falls off Kabuto’s face almost instantly. “What are you waiting for, then? Kill me already.”</p><p>“Now why would I do that,” Shisui asks, grinning viciously, “when I can use you?”</p><p>Realization fills Kabuto’s eyes. “You want me to spy on Lord Danzo.”</p><p>Of course he does. Right now, all Shisui has is this motherfucker’s testimony, which Danzo could deny, and this motherfucker’s reports, which Danzo could say he was using to track Orochimaru’s last living accomplice--that or he could try to incriminate the Corvus. If Shisui’s going to nail Danzo’s ass to the wall without starting a civil war inside Starfleet, he needs more evidence, and that’s exactly what Kabuto’s going to get for him. “No, I’m going to <em> make </em> you spy on Lord Danzo. It’s what you deserve for putting the lives of everyone on this ship in danger.” </p><p>“Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly what you’re worried about,” Kabuto replies nastily. “Your subordinates.” </p><p>Shisui drops his hand from Kabuto’s shirt and just as quickly socks him right in the mouth. The Cardassian falls to the ground, coughing, and Shisui presses a single boot on his chest to keep him still. “I want you to listen to me very, <em> very </em> carefully,” he begins. “Here’s the plan: you’re going to keep writing your love letters to Danzo, and you’re going to tell me everything that happens in them. And you’re going to get him talking, too. Get him to give you something we can actually use against him. In the meantime, I’m going monitor your every fucking move so you can be damn sure that I’ll know if you decide to do something really stupid like turn on me. For now, we’re gonna carry on like it’s business as usual, and nobody but us will know about this. But if you so much as look at Itachi or <em> any </em> member of my crew funny then I will end your wretched little life right then and there. Understand?” </p><p>“Yes, <em> sir</em>,” Kabuto spits, blood dripping from his split lip. </p><p>“Good.” Stepping back, he allows Kabuto to scramble to his feet. “Not that it matters, but it doesn’t make me happy to do this. If you had come to me, I could have helped you.”</p><p>“You idiot,” he hisses, wiping at his mouth. “No one stands a chance against Lord Danzo. There is nothing you can do.”</p><p>Shisui laughs without an ounce of humor. “We’ll see about that.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That night, as he lies awake in bed, he thinks of Itachi. Already he’s breaking his promise, but it’s better this way. Even if Itachi can’t see it, even if he hates Shisui for his choices, Shisui can live with that. As long as Itachi’s life isn’t ruined or ended, he’s pretty sure he can live with a lot.</p><p><em> I want to be your partner. </em>Shisui plays the words over and over again in his head, hammering them into his brain like a nail into a board. In a better world, such a thing might be possible for them, if not probable given their compatibility. </p><p>In a better world, Shisui could get everything he ever wanted. </p><p>Too bad he’s stuck in this shithole universe instead.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey remember how in canon shisui decided to go off on his own to deal with danzo and it went, like, super badly? anyway i'm sure it'll turn out great this time.</p><p>WOW AM I EXCITED TO DROP THIS CHAPTER. up until this point the fic has been about laying the groundwork with character relationships and worldbuilding, which--don't get me wrong--has been a total blast! but i'm Thrilled we're finally getting into the plot-y bits. i will say that this chapter marks a very specific turning point in the story where things are going to start getting darker and more morally messy so. yeah. be prepared.</p><p>a very fun fact about this fic is that when i first sat down and planned out the five parts of this series i actually never intended for kabuto to be a double agent. it wasn't until @birkastan2018 left me a comment all the way back at the beginning of 'something bigger than the sky' speculating on his place in the story that i realized it was an AMAZING idea. so thank you birk for pushing the fic in a very interesting direction and for always being such a generous and amazing supporter of this story!</p><p>one last thing: in norse mythology jörmungandr is loki's middle child and a giant sea serpant that grew to be so large it could encircle the earth. it was believed that when jörmungandr released its tail ragnarok, a series of cataclysmic events that would lead to the death of the world, would begin. just some food for thought! </p><p>as always, thanks for reading and i hope you've enjoyed the fic thus far. if you'd like to learn more about me and get some behind-the-scenes sneak peaks of this au, you can find me on tumblr @astoldbygingersnaps. 'til next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When he had pictured love--real, true, romantic love--it had always seemed like such a grand and epic affair, the type of thing that couldn’t possibly happen to him. But maybe love wasn’t like that at all. Maybe love blossomed slow and sweet, fed and watered by enjoying the mundane routine of a life together, nurtured by the knowledge that you had finally found someone you trusted with every cell in your body.</p><p>Oh. </p><p>Shisui is in love with Itachi.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>content warnings for: mental health issues and lots and lots of drinking, some fun and recreational and some... not.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>stardate 2268.42</b>
</p><p> </p><p>At the risk of sounding conceited--which, hey, he is, but still--Shisui thinks he’s a man of many talents. Back at the Academy he always excelled in school, lucky enough to possess a near-photographic memory that meant he never needed to spend much time studying. As an adult he’s punctual, detail-oriented, and aggressively determined, all traits that usually help to get him the things he wants in life. And, should all else fail, he can always fall back on the fact that he’s just so darn cute and charming. So, yeah, Shisui’s a pretty gifted guy. But the one thing that Shisui Uchiha has never had a talent for is keeping secrets from the people he cares about.</p><p>Shisui became acquainted with this failing at a very early age. When he was a boy, he could never lie to his stern yet good-natured mother or his deeply unstable father. Even if it was as simple as spilling a glass of milk or breaking the remote control, Shisui felt a deep, instinctual desire to spit up the truth as soon as he was pressed for it. This habit persisted into his teen years, as pretty much the moment he realized he wasn’t just interested in girls he sat his mother at their weathered kitchen table and blurted out, “I’m bisexual. Also we’re out of toilet paper.” It was also an incredibly ironic habit, because for a good chunk of his young life he was a stereotypical troubled teen who gave his mother many a gray hair, but what can Shisui say? He’s got layers.</p><p>Sure, there were some things Shisui decided to keep close to his chest. He’s never told anyone, maybe not even himself, just how deep the scars from his dad’s descent into alcoholism go, and the less he says about The Itachi Problem, the better. But those are beasts of a different kingdom. The point is, if it’s something important, something that people really needed to know, then Shisui has always been almost physically compelled to tell them.</p><p>Until now. </p><p>It’s only been a little over a month since Shisui decided to wage covert psychological warfare on Lord Danzo Shimura, one of the most powerful men in the galaxy, and already he’s starting to feel a little nuts. Frankly, he has no idea how Danzo does it and can almost respect the guy’s hustle because this spying shit is <em> hard</em>. As promised, he has been watching Kabuto like a hawk (as has Anko, because she’s too pushy and curious to truly be kept at bay) and if he were any further up the man’s ass he'd be popping out of his mouth. Unfortunately nothing substantial has come from his little scheme just yet as all has gone quiet on the Danzo front recently. Other than giving a wordy yet spiritually empty speech to the general public about the seizing of the Jörmungandr (before ordering the ghostship to be blown to pieces to cover his tracks) the man has disappeared back into the shadows. As for Kabuto, the Cardassian has been keeping his head down and continuing his triple agent duties, and no one but the three of them has been the wiser--including Itachi.</p><p>It’s bad to lie. Shisui <em> knows </em> it’s bad to lie. He knows it’s even <em> worse </em> to lie considering he had literally just promised Itachi that he would be more honest with him, that he would let down his defenses and share his burdens, and is now doing precisely the opposite. </p><p>But what were the options? Tell Itachi that a corrupt politician was looking to groom him into being his on-demand mad scientist? Risk ruining Itachi’s career or--even worse--risk Itachi’s <em> life</em>? He knows what type of person the Vulcan is, all noble ideals and selfless dedication. Itachi would die for Shisui in a heartbeat and he wouldn’t regret it, either. Shisui knows this like the back of his hand because the idea alone fucking <em> haunts </em> him. The potential of anyone on this ship sacrificing themselves for him is terrible, but losing Itachi is just… unthinkable. </p><p>And that is the story of how Shisui became a lying liar who lies and how it’s slowly eating him up inside, like termites on a deck. The shittiest part is that he’s not even doing a very good job of it, at least not where it counts. He’s got the rest of the crew convinced, but of course Itachi sees right through him. Normally Shisui would welcome the way Itachi watches him, but right now he feels like if Itachi stares at him with his big black eyes again Shisui’s going to crumple into a ball and start screeching about government conspiracies. </p><p>That statement is a very literal one, because currently Itachi is staring at him with his big black eyes again while asking, “Captain, have you been feeling well?” He certainly does not have a knack for timing, as they’re standing in the Mess Hall of all places waiting for Teuchi to deal out lunch when he chooses to quiz Shisui about his mental health.</p><p>“Right as rain,” Shisui answers easily, like a <em> liar, </em>as he takes a step forward in line. “What makes you ask?” </p><p>“I feel as if you are looking exceptionally tired recently.” </p><p>“You know, you comment on my appearance a lot. Keep talking like that, and I’ll start thinking you like me.” Shisui turns to him with a grin and winks. In response, Itachi swiftly turns his head, but it’s not fast enough to hide the splotches of dark green blooming on his cheeks. Shisui feels a pang in his chest at the sight; ugh, he’s adorable. </p><p>“Leave it to you to take my innocent concern and find a way to pervert it.” </p><p>“It’s a gift.” Shisui smiles at the cook as he plops some sort of reheated and rehydrated space slop onto his tray. They make polite chitchat before a very ornery Ensign all but shoves him out of the way. The lack of respect is simply unbelievable; don’t they know who he <em> is</em>?</p><p>After getting violently assaulted by his own beloved crew, Shisui follows his most beloved crewmember to an unoccupied table. In the middle of digging into his meal he glances at Itachi and finds the Vulcan’s food virtually untouched. He’s watching Shisui like he doesn’t trust that he can look away and find the man still there when he looks back. It’s kind of sweet, in a “rip your own eyeballs out because you’re so into someone and this is only rubbing salt in the wound” kind of way. </p><p>“You would tell me,” Itachi says eventually, his voice low and tentative, “if there was an issue, wouldn’t you?”</p><p>Shisui swallows down both a lump of inedible meat and the bitter taste of guilt in his mouth. “‘Course I would,” he answers. “That’s what I promised you, right? There’s just nothing to tell. I swear on my life I am <em> fine</em>.” </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Anko, I am in hell,” Shisui whines later, plopped down in Anko’s office chair with his feet parked on her desk.</p><p>“I’m playing the world’s tiniest violin for you,” she says from her position on the floor, her charcoal-lined eyes focused on the array of papers all around her. </p><p>Shisui screws a very phony pout onto his face that fails because Anko refuses to look at him. “You’re a terrible friend.”</p><p>“Yes, I am,” she agrees sarcastically, adding, “So terrible, in fact, I’m reviewing all of the files about Orochimaru and Danzo in Starfleet’s Archive for you in order to see if I can find a way to link them together. Really, I’m just the worst.” </p><p>“I didn’t ask you to do that,” he says, impressed, and Anko finally glances at him. To his complete and utter surprise, she’s actually a little red-faced. </p><p>“What, I can’t care about my job?” she snaps back, and Shisui’s eyes widen in shock.</p><p>“You care about your job,” he repeats, delighted.</p><p>“No, I don’t!”</p><p>“Yes, you do!”</p><p>“No, I don’t fucking care about this stupid fucking job, okay?” Every once in a while, about as often as a solar eclipse, Anko’s apathetic facade slips and reveals the soft, squishy heart that beats beneath layers and layers of quick-witted, mean-spirited armor. It reminds Shisui of why they’ve been stuck together like glue since they were five, and why he had decided to rope her into this crazy Danzo scheme in the first place. It’s not because he values her life less or doesn’t trust Itachi enough, but because the possibility of not involving Anko in some insane thing happening in his life just… doesn’t exist. At this point in his life, Anko is like his lungs or his stomach, the vulnerable guts of him that he doesn’t think he can live without.</p><p>“Awh, look at you!” Shisui exclaims, reaching to pinch one of her flushed cheeks. “My baby’s all grown and feeling emotions!”</p><p>Anko slaps his hand away, scowling. “Fuck off,” she mutters, turning her attention back to the fire hazard in front of her. “Talk about something else. Talk about your stupid boyfriend for all I care.”</p><p>“I never thought I’d see the day when you actually asked me to talk about Itachi,” he says. “Bring me my ice-skates because hell must have frozen over.”</p><p>“I just know that the sooner you cough up all your gay little feelings for him the sooner you’ll leave me alone.” </p><p>“You say that as if you aren’t also gay.” </p><p>Anko makes a noise of triumph in the back of her throat and pulls a pen from behind her ear, the place where a cigarette or three usually rests. It’s quickly becoming profoundly disturbing to see her so put together. “Look, I don’t like that asshole. You <em> know </em> I don’t like that asshole. But I still think it’s messed up that you’re not talking to him about this. It’s his life, too. Besides, it’s a shitty thing to keep from someone you’re in love with.”</p><p>Shisui makes a sound between a gasp and a screech, like he’s swallowing his own tongue. “I am <em> not </em> in love with him,” he insists. At that, Anko lifts her head and glares at him, and her unnervingly flat gaze finally breaks him. “Okay, maybe I’m like… a little in love with him. Like, just a smidge, though.”</p><p>“You can’t be a <em> smidge </em> in love with someone, dumbass!” Anko yells before chucking a paper ball of trash at his head. It hits him smack in the forehead, which Shisui allows, because he’s generous like that. “It’s an all or nothing process!” </p><p>For all that Shisui had once maintained a very--ahem--<em> prolific </em> lovelife, it occurs to him that he’s never actually fallen in love with anyone. That was mostly by design, as in his younger years Shisui never allowed himself to get close enough to develop such serious feelings. Anytime anything even close to the big L cropped it, he had made a point to chop it off at the roots, never allowing it to take hold and fester. When he had pictured love--real, true, romantic love--it had always seemed like such a grand and epic affair, the type of thing that couldn’t possibly happen to him. But maybe love wasn’t like that at all. Maybe love blossomed slow and sweet, fed and watered by enjoying the mundane routine of a life together, nurtured by the knowledge that you had finally found someone you trusted with every cell in your body.</p><p><em> Oh </em>. </p><p>Shisui is in love with Itachi. </p><p>Shisui is <em> in love </em> with Itachi.</p><p><em> Shisui </em> is in love with <em> Itachi</em>. </p><p>The revelation is wonderful, at first, and then suddenly morphs into something absolutely terrifying. </p><p>“Ah, Anko,” he sighs wistfully, “life would be easier if <em> we </em> could just be together.”</p><p>“No,” Anko replies immediately, looking disgusted. “We tried that, remember? It was like dating my brother.” Shuddering, she adds, “That and you’re way too neurotic and ditzy for me.”</p><p>“And too pretty,” Shisui adds. Anko brandishes a letter-opener at him menacingly, and he raises his hands defensively in response. “Okay, okay, I’m leaving!” </p><p>With thoughts of Itachi and his newly-realized undying love for the man running through his head (what else is new, really?), Shisui almost misses the buzz of his PADD in his pocket. Glancing at the device he sees his mother’s face and quickly declines the call. It’s a pact they formed before Shisui left for his very first off-Earth mission. Neither of them enjoyed phonecalls, so they decided to compromise by leaving each other lengthy messages in order to keep in contact without things getting, y’know, <em> weird </em>. That in mind, he resolves to listen to her voicemail once he returns to his quarters and to return the favor by the end of his shift. </p><p>Life gets a little bit stranger when Shisui feels the machine go off again and finds his mother is once again calling him. Frowning, he reaches to accept. “Ma?” he asks. “Why are we talking right now? We don’t do the long-distance talking thing with each other, it’s practically illegal.”</p><p>“Would it kill you to take something seriously for once in your life?” Keiko Uchiha replies, her deep voice already gravelly with irritation as she looks at her troublesome son.</p><p>“It might,” he jokes, then starts to feel seriously worried when the words do nothing to crack his mother’s tough exterior. Her full, lined face stays stoic, thin lips pulled tight, and Shisui stops in his tracks. “What’s going on?” </p><p>“Your father had a heart attack,” she tells him, blunt as ever, and now Shisui feels like <em> he’s </em> the one having a heart attack. </p><p>A dizzying rush of memories pour into his brain, causing Shisui to stumble and lean on the main corridor’s wall for support. Just like that a lifetime of repressed sensations come flying back: the smell of his father’s cologne, faded and blended with sweat; the wind in his hair as his father took him and Anko apple picking; the sound of his parents screaming at each other in the kitchen while he hid in his bedroom, trying to fight back tears. All these years of running and he still can’t get away. “I don’t understand,” he says, once he finally finds his voice. “How did… How did this happen?”</p><p>“The doctor says it was the result of lifestyle choices,” Keiko explains, and Shisui can’t resist an ugly laugh.</p><p>“‘Lifestyle choices,’” he mutters. “Funny way to put ‘useless wino.’”</p><p>“Shisui,” she admonishes, though without any real heat. “For what it’s worth, he wasn’t lying when he said he’d cleaned up. I’ve seen it from myself. It’s different this time.”</p><p>“It’s <em> always </em> different, right up until it isn’t.”</p><p>“I’m not telling you this so you’ll drop everything and run to his bedside--”</p><p>“Good, because unlike him I have responsibilities to take care of,” Shisui interrupts angrily. “Even better, I intend to take care of them. Crazy, right? Actually following through on your word? Not letting people down?”</p><p>Keiko sighs. “I just thought you’d want to know,” she says unhappily. “He’s stable, doctor says he should be fine with a little rest.”</p><p>“All the more reason for me to stay put, then.” Shisui curls his fingers into a fist, feels the wall his nails scrap against the nauseatingly white paint, and says, “Look, I can’t--I can’t do this with you right now, okay? I have… There’s work that I…  I have to go.”</p><p>“Shisui, <em> wait</em>,” his mother calls, but less than a second later he’s already disconnected. </p><p>He can sense the moment it hits him. It starts on his scalp, a sweat prickling along his skin as it feels like organs plummet out of his body. Shisui closes his eyes, inhaling and exhaling over and over again, trying to regain his composure. Considering he’s had panic attacks since he was a preteen he’d be a fucking joke if he didn’t have at least some control over them by now. It takes longer than usual, but eventually Shisui manages to get control of his body--just in time for the ship to violently lurch to the left, causing him to slam right into the other side of the hallway. About half a dozen alarms start blaring at once as the overhead lights shift from a clear fluorescence to a blindingly bright red. It all pairs nicely with the screaming pain now radiating through his shoulder. </p><p>“Um, Captain,” Shikamaru’s unenthused voice comes over the intercom, “we may have a small problem,” and you know what?</p><p>Just this once Shisui is grateful for a crisis. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Twenty minutes later, Shisui, Anko, Itachi, and Ino are all in the Engine Room, crowded around a positively bored Shikamaru who actually has the nerve to <em> yawn </em> as he concludes his very detailed explanation of how the Corvus has gone completely kaput. “Anyway, that’s how we’re all going to die,” he says breezily. “Any questions?”</p><p>“Uh, yes?” Ino retorts, arms tight across her chest. “How could you break the ship?”</p><p>“I didn’t break the ship, blondie. Shit happens, okay?”</p><p>“‘Shit happens?’” The Betazoid parrots, a tad hysterical, as she edges closer to Shikamaru. “We’re all going to die and you’re standing there saying ‘shit happens?’ Ugh, you are <em> such </em> a loser!” Mumbling under her breath in annoyance, she reaches out and smacks Shikamaru’s arm over and over again while he simply stands there and takes it. </p><p>“Like looking in a mirror, isn’t it?” Anko mutters to Shisui, and he rolls his eyes before prying Ino off of her childhood friend/apparent nemesis. </p><p>“Take it easy, kiddo,” he says, keeping his palms on both of Ino’s very sulky shoulders as he pulls her to the side. Lowering his voice, Shisui asks, “How do you feel about making a distress call to the Beta Spaceport to let them know we’ll be needing their assistance? Might keep us from doing the whole dying thing.” </p><p>“Fine,” she agrees, still crabby but at least looking the tiniest bit perkier.</p><p>“‘Atta girl,” he tells her, mussing up her immaculate ponytail, and Ino groans, offended. “Tell Asuma to punch it as hard as he can. At this point the warp core’s a bomb ready to blow, so the sooner we can touch down, the better.” </p><p>“Yes, Captain,” Ino says, and Shisui bites back a smile as she flashes Shikamaru one last glare before reporting to the bridge, stomping her feet as she goes.</p><p>With one disaster quelled, Shisui turns his attention back to the much bigger disaster at hand. Looking back to Shikamaru, he asks, “How much time do we have?”</p><p>“Three, maybe four hours,” Shikamaru answers, like he doesn’t much care either way, but Shisui knows better than that. He thinks that Anko actually got it all wrong with her comparison earlier; if anything Shikamaru’s more like Anko Lite. Granted, he’s a whole lot less bitter and visceral, but they both have that unbothered attitude that hides away a very bothered person. </p><p>Shisui sighs. Three, maybe four hours. It’s not an ideal situation, but it’s a hell of a lot better than the three to four minutes he thought they had when his skeleton kissed the Corvus’ walls back on the deck. They’ve still got lifesupport, which is good, but they also have an unstable warp core with overhated plasma burning a hole through their electro-plasma system, which is definitely <em> not </em> good. If someone on this ship so much as sneezes wrong they’re going to go up in smoke, meaning they’re in the ultimate walk softly situation. </p><p>“Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do,” he tells his team, “Shikamaru, shut down any non-essential functions that are still… well, functioning; the more power we can conserve, the better. With any luck, the Corvus can keep it together long enough for us to land somewhere safe and get her fixed up.” </p><p>Itachi, proactive as always, immediately chimes in, “Should we not deploy our emergency escape pods?”</p><p>“Too risky,” Shisui says, shaking his head. “Right now we’re in the middle of nowhere. If we send everyone out we don’t know where they’ll end up, let alone if it’s friendly. Best thing we can do is try to save our girl and leave that as our last resort.”</p><p>Anko raises an eyebrow. “You don’t think we should at least tell them they’re all gonna die slow and ugly on this busted ass boat?”</p><p>“If I told them how bad it was they’d just panic. Last thing we need is a mutiny on top of our rapidly collapsing ship.”</p><p>“Perhaps they <em> should </em> panic,” she says, holding direct, unrelenting eye contact with Shisui as she adds, “Perhaps people <em> should </em> be told vital information that directly involves their safety and lives.” </p><p>“I am inclined to agree with the Captain,” Itachi cuts in. “There is no need to give the crew the exact details of our current predicament unless it becomes completely necessary.” </p><p>“See?” Shisui grins. “<em>Itachi’s </em> inclined to agree with me.”</p><p>Anko groans. “Ugh, whatever.”</p><p>Ignoring her, Itachi asks, “Captain, what would you have me do to assist you?” </p><p>“For now, just stay put and keep me updated on the situation. I want to know as soon as Shikamaru pulls some magical life saving idea out of that big brain of his to cover our asses.” </p><p>Shikamaru snorts. “No pressure, then.” </p><p>“Not even a little bit,” Shisui affirms with a smirk before turning to Anko. “Take a walk with me?”</p><p>Scowling, she counters. “Do I have a choice?” </p><p>Shisui puts a hand on her back and starts to push her out of the Engine Room. “Definitely not.” </p><p>Once they’re away from prying eyes and curious ears, Anko, now a good distance away from Shisui, asks, “So, what’s all the fuss? Exploding in the black depths of space isn’t dramatic enough for you?”</p><p>“Nah,” Shisui says as they walk one of the Corvus’ many familiar hallways. “Just got a little theory I’d like to investigate.” </p><p>Right before they reach their destination, he feels his PADD vibrate in his pocket and bites back a curse. Though he’s tempted to ignore the device altogether, Shisui makes the responsible, Captain-y choice to answer on the off chance that it’s Itachi telling him they’re either a) saved or b) immediately about to die horrifically. But of course it isn’t, and in seconds he’s tucking the machine away, the image of his mother’s face burned into his brain. </p><p>Quick as he moves it’s not enough to dodge Anko, who breaches the space between him to ask, “Hey, was that your mom?”</p><p>“Not now,” Shisui replies almost immediately, and he must look damn serious because for once Anko actually lets it go. </p><p>In a stroke of good luck that’s highly at odds with the rest of the day’s events, the Science Lab is all but empty by the time the pair reaches it. Perhaps predictably, the room’s only occupant doesn’t look especially surprised to see them. “Good morning, Captain, Officer Mitarashi,” Kabuto greets them from behind his station. </p><p>On the trip over Shisui had explicitly warned Anko to be discreet, which is why Shisui is not at all surprised when she calls out, at the top of her lungs, “Yo, dipshit!” </p><p>“Yep, you’re done here,” Shisui says immediately, all but shoving Anko out of the room and closing the door behind her. To her credit, Anko continues to stand guard outside, never taking her eyes off Kabuto, because she’s both a good friend and always up for a fight.  </p><p>Kabuto raises an eyebrow. “Charming woman.”</p><p>“She’s a peach.” Stepping closer, Shisui asks, “Hey, don’t suppose you know anything about why our warp core’s about to burst, do you?”</p><p>That draws an unexpected frown in response. “I had assumed there was a mechanical malfunction, but I didn’t realize it was that serious,” Kabuto says, looking genuinely concerned. “Are we going to evacuate?”</p><p>“For now it’s a worst case scenario,” Shisui answers. The Cardassian’s reaction has eased some of his suspicions, but the last thing he wants to do is go slack at exactly the wrong moment. “Bit interesting that all this is happening barely a month after we took the Corvus in to get her shots and lollipop from the doctor, though.”</p><p>“You suspect that Lord Danzo had something to do with this--and, by extension, that I did as well.”</p><p>“Can you blame me?”</p><p>“I suppose not, given the level of subterfuge that has pervaded this ship recently.” Not for the first time, Shisui wonders what it’s like to live a life that’s nothing <em> but </em> subterfuge, the type of existence Kabuto has been doomed to since childhood. “Rest assured, Lord Danzo would not do something so reckless and risk losing his investment. That said, I would also not go along with said plan, as in case you have forgotten I happen to be a person living on this ship who would perish just like the rest of the crew.”</p><p>It’s not ideal, but Shisui supposes it’s about as good as he’s going to get for the time being. “If I find out you’re lying to me--”</p><p>“Let me guess: you will beat me until you cannot beat me anymore?” Kabuto suggests, unimpressed. </p><p>Shisui beams. “Glad we’re on the same page.” </p><p>“Now that we have established your brutality towards my person, may I ask what your plan is to save us from our untimely deaths?”</p><p>“How about this?” Shisui starts as he opens the door to Science Lab. “Once I think of one, you’ll be the first to know.” </p><p>The scowl on Kabuto’s face really says it all. Regrettably, Shisui is inclined to agree.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>By the strength of a literal miracle, the Corvus manages to crawl into the Beta Spaceport before she can go nuclear. Before they do, however, Shisui finds himself in Karin’s quarters covering his ass.</p><p>It’s kind of sweet to see how, less than two months, Jugo has gone from a bloodthirsty manbeast to calmly sitting on Karin’s as they play Gin Rummy. He’s still got this cloudy, haunted look in his eyes that makes Shisui’s heart sink, but since his illicit entry onto the ship Jugo has been nothing but polite, kind, and--most importantly--incredibly successful at hiding from the rest of the crew. They still haven’t found an ideal planet to leave the boy on, but Shisui suspects that hiding in Karin’s tiny room and feasting on her scraps from the Mess Hall is practically a honeymoon getaway compared to his life on the Jörmungandr. </p><p>As he explains their current predicament, Shisui isn’t surprised to see the way Karin’s red eyes widen in concern. “It’s gonna be okay,” he reassures her. “It’ll just be a couple of days on the surface getting the ship patched up and then we’ll be on our merry way without a single person knowing about our little fugitive situation. All we gotta do is make sure Jugo keeps his large, orange head down and we’ll be fine.”</p><p>“There will not be any trouble, Captain,” Jugo says. </p><p>“Didn’t doubt you for a second, kid,” Shisui replies, before quickly excusing himself to return to the bridge in time for the landing. </p><p>Everyone on the port knows the Corvus is going to be coming in hot, so he’s not surprised to see a crowd of techs on high-alert when they touch down. As soon as the doors open the crew, having cottoned onto the fact that the ship’s in some sort of distress, pours out in waves, a collection of their closest possessions on each of the backs. Just like they’ve done the last two years everyone will no doubt hole up in some shithole motel, twiddling their thumbs and partying like animals until their home away from home is up and running again. </p><p>Once the ship has been cleared of all her passengers (save for Jugo; poor bastard’s probably hiding in Karin’s closet right about now) the engineers move in like ants at a picnic. Throughout the entire process Shisui can feel his PADD vibrating with missed calls and rapidly multiplying messages. It’s like an annoying little kid poking him in the shoulder to say, “hey, remember how your father almost died? Remember how you’re a failure of a son who cut him out of your life when he needed you most? Remember that?” </p><p>Frankly, Shisui thinks that little kid can go fuck himself.</p><p>Fortunately, there’s a shitload of paperwork that needs to be completed for a mechanical malfunction this severe, meaning he’s at least occupied by the pages and pages of intake forms he, Itachi, and Ino have to submit and the testimonies they must provide. Meanwhile, Shikamaru, true to form, chooses to stick close to the Corvus, the way he always does whenever someone other than his lazy ass gets their hands on his ship, only this time he’s got company. Lurking on the edge of the rapidly-dwindling group is a blonde chick in Starfleet red with a wild mess of various ponytails and a sardonic expression. She eyes Shikamaru with amused disdain before announcing, “Didn’t think the Academy would sign off on a nimrod Engineer who’d set his own warp core up to blow.”</p><p>Shikamaru turns to the woman with a scowl. “I didn’t do it on purpose,” he grounds out, and she laughs in return.</p><p>“That’s even sadder,” she says, lips twisted with a mean humor that would make Anko proud, which leads to a long--and loud--debate between her and Shikamaru on how to balance plasma correctly that Shisui tunes out because it’s honestly lame as hell. </p><p>Ino, however, watches the exchange with delighted interest. “Captain, I think it’s love at first sight,” she whispers, and over the shoulder of his new lady love Shikamaru shoots her a glare cold enough to turn the entire port to stone. </p><p>Shisui opens his mouth to respond, but the words are cut off by the sound of his name being called at the top of very familiar lungs. Turning, he’s pleasantly surprised to see Maito Gai striding towards him, grinning in the bright, kind way that only Maito Gai can. Shisui’s had the pleasure of serving with Gai only once, way back when he was still young and green, but it’s an experience he looks back with a whole lot of fondness. That in mind, he’s smiling just as wide when the man reaches him. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he says, sticking out a hand to shake Gai’s own. “Long time no s--”</p><p>Gai, cheerfully unrestrained as always, practically smacks away Shisui’s outstretched arm and goes in for a very enthusiastic and very tight hug. The fancy Starfleet forms promptly fly out of Shisui’s hand, flitting all about the dirt before they are rescued by a dutiful Itachi. Nice as Gai’s gesture is, Shisui’s glad it doesn’t last long, as oddly enough he actually prizes his ability to breathe. Even after he’s disengaged and Shisui’s gasping for air he keeps his massive palms on Shisui’s shoulders, pride shining in his eyes as he says, “When I heard about your promotion I was so happy for you.”</p><p>“Youngest Captain in Starfleet history,” Shisui replies, only a tad hoarsely. “You heard that part, right? How I’m famous?”</p><p>“He loves to remind people of that fact,” Itachi adds dryly, seemingly amused by Shisui’s latest brush with death as he hands the thick stack of papers to him. </p><p>“Oh, yes. That reminds me: Gai, meet my uncaring and treacherous crew. Uncaring and treacherous crew, this is Maito Gai.” At Itachi’s scowl, he elaborates, “The unpleasant green one is Itachi, my First Officer, and the occasionally unpleasant blonde girl is Ino Yamanaka, my Communications Officer and Chief of Operations.”</p><p>“Ah, Yamanaka,” Gai says knowingly. “I have worked with your father many times before.”</p><p>“Sorry to hear that,” Ino retorts, her polite smile disappearing in a puff of smoke before she aggressively passes her paperwork off to Shisui, and in seconds she’s gone entirely.</p><p>Gai looks at Shisui, massive eyebrows raised in questioning, and he shrugs in response. “Long story,” he replies, before switching topics. “So, what brings you to this little rock?” </p><p>“The Procyon requires a few minor tune-ups on top of her yearly examination. We have been quite preoccupied recently, so I’m afraid we’re running a little behind schedule.”</p><p>“‘The Procyon?’” Shisui repeats curiously; last he heard Gai was the First Officer of that ancient piece of Starfleet technology, not her Captain. Despite the ship’s age, Shisui will always have a soft spot in his heart for the rustbucket, as it was one of the first ships he served on after his graduation. “Since when did they pry the old girl from Kakashi’s incredibly tense hands?”</p><p>Gai laughs, exuberant, and the sound causes Itachi, who is very much not used to Gai’s very unique energy level, to jump. “You hadn’t heard? Kakashi was promoted to Admiral a little over a year ago, leaving the Procyon in my care.”</p><p>“Jesus, where have I been?” Snorting, Shisui says, “Congratulations to you, too, I guess. Any other big, life-changing moments I’ve missed?”</p><p>Good humor sparkles in Gai’s eyes. “Perhaps,” he replies, uncharacteristically sly, before the sight of the bickering mechanics catches his attention. Releasing a heavy sigh, he tells Shisui, “I apologize, but I suspect I might be needed. It would appear my Chief Engineer is preparing for war.”</p><p>“Twenty credits says your Chief Engineer wipes the floor with mine.”</p><p>“A wise bet; Temari is exceptionally scrappy when she wants to be--which is often, I’m afraid.” Nodding his farewells, Gai goes in for the unenviable task of bodily separating Temari and Shikamaru. </p><p>“There is truly never a dull moment with this crew, is there?” Itachi asks dryly.</p><p>Shisui smirks. “What’s life without a little trouble to keep things fun?” he counters, and Itachi merely stares at him in reply. Covering his tracks, he adds, “‘Sides, we’ve got top-notch people working hard and heavy on the Corvus. Mark, my words we’ll be back in the air by the end of the day.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“A <em> week</em>?” Shisui snarls incredulously, only a handful of hours later; he’d barely had time to dump his shit at the hotel before he was getting called back to the lot to hear this bullshit. That said, it was plenty enough time for him to see that he’d had exactly eight messages from his mother, the contents of which Shisui has yet to investigate. He’s pretty sure he knows exactly what they’re about, though, and that surety sends him flying back into the twisting chaos he was stuck in before everything on the Corvus went red. </p><p>With that in mind, he’s just a little less than civil when he demands, “What do you mean, it’s going to take at least a <em>week</em>?”</p><p>The port’s Lead Engineer, rapidly shrinking in the face of Shisui’s anger, stammers out, “I-I’m sorry, s-sir, but we’ve found significant damage to multiple areas of your ship’s warp drive. It’s going to take a significant amount of time to accomplish all of the work ahead of us.”</p><p>“Guess you’d better start working, then,” Shisui says thinly. In response, the man merely nods his head, the movement fast and jerky, and scuttles away. Exhaling harshly, he glances over to see Itachi watching him with exceptional care. “Got something you want to share?”</p><p>“It is unlike you to lose your temper so easily,” Itachi replies evenly. His expression is giving away nothing about his current thoughts, but Shisui feels like he can read them well enough regardless.</p><p>“Well, we live in unlikely times,” he mutters, turning on his heel and walking out of the domed garage as fast as his feet will take him. It’s a short trip, not long before they’ve exited the confines of the Engineers’ facility and are breathing for what passes as fresh air on the spaceport. But even the lure of wide, open spaces doesn’t ease the feeling of being totally and completely trapped. </p><p>Itachi, never one to be ignored or deterred, matches his pace just fine, and when Shisui finally stops walking he turns to see Itachi behind him, watching, waiting. He’s doing a valiant job of trying to keep the concern off his face, but the worry is sitting pretty in the crease between his brow and the tense press of his lips. That helps drain some of the anger out of Shisui’s own body, but replaces it with an ugly cocktail of sadness and guilt that probably isn’t doing either of them any favors. </p><p>Looking at Itachi’s tightly controlled features, Shisui can’t help but think about how terrible it is to care about people and how it’s even worse when they return the favor. And that’s the whole problem, isn’t it? The way his childhood memories and nostalgic emotions have been curdling inside him like spoiled milk ever since his mother popped in to say, “hey, your extremely estranged father almost died, thought you might want to know.”</p><p>“It’s not the ship that’s got me all worked up,” Shisui says finally, eyes on the horizon to avoid the way Itachi’s gaze is boring holes into his head. </p><p>“I had assumed as much.” Itachi takes a few tentative steps towards him, like he’s approaching a wild animal, and under incredibly different circumstances Shisui would find the action incredibly funny. Right now, it just makes him feel a little sick in the heart. </p><p>“Always the clever one,” Shisui murmurs, finally meeting Itachi’s eye. The truth’s on the tip of his tongue, bouncing around like freshly blooming stars in the oppressive night sky, but for the life of him Shisui can’t get the words out. “Thing is, I’m pretty sure if I start talking about this right now I won’t stop until I break down into tiny, unmanly pieces. Think you can give me a rain check?” </p><p>“Fortunately for you patience is one of my many talents.” The storm on Itachi’s face clears the tiniest bit, enough for a sliver of sunlight to creep in as he smiles at Shisui. Despite it all, the little gesture somehow manages to do wonders for Shisui’s increasingly frayed mental health, and in that moment he’s profoundly grateful for Itachi’s presence in his life. “If you would like to take some time off, I would be more than happy to oversee our ship’s repairs in your stead.”</p><p>“Itachi, you don’t have to do that,” he protests, but Itachi shakes his head, insistent. </p><p>“Please let me help you,” the Vulcan says gently, and really, how the hell can Shisui say no to <em> that</em>? </p><p>“Okay,” Shisui agrees, only the tiniest bit petulant. “But you promise to call me if shit hits the fan?”</p><p>“You will be the first person I find,” Itachi vows, only the tiniest bit amused. “Get some rest.” </p><p>The moment Shisui enters his hotel room he slips into something of a fugue state. With all purpose temporarily drained from him all that’s left is complete emotional exhaustion, and he flops on his bed with a huff. His PADD hangs heavy in his pocket, and now that all the fires on the Corvus have been put out it’s unfortunately time to address the rager that is his personal life. </p><p>Like ripping off a bandage, Shisui listens to each message, one right after the other. After all his internal fretting it’s actually kind of a letdown how mundane his mother’s voicemails turn out to be. More than anything she seems to prioritize getting him all the facts, more facts that Shisui ever wanted to know, honestly. By the time he’s done watching the thinly-veiled stress and exhaustion leak out of his mother’s eyes he’s pretty sure he could rewrite his father’s entire medical chart blindfolded and backwards. It’s really not that terrible, right up until his mother tells him, very quietly, “Your father misses you,” and in response Shisui deletes every single message as fast as his fingers will move.</p><p>Itachi told him to rest, and panicking about his sickly, rightfully estranged father is pretty much the exact opposite of resting. That in mind, Shisui turns the volume up on his PADD all the way in case of an emergency and crawls under the covers to sleep the rest of the day away.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It’s a choice that pretty quickly becomes a pattern as the week goes on. Shisui, feeling incredibly useless to his crew, continues to hole up in his room like a hermit, only occasionally popping out to eat and remind people that he’s still alive. Itachi comes to check on him twice a day, because he’s incredibly nice and also because he probably believes Shisui will perish if he doesn’t. The Engineers are making slow, steady progress on the Corvus, Itachi tells him, but it seems as if the lady will recover and leave the port as good as new again. It’s at least one worry Shisui can cross off his list.</p><p>He still hasn’t found a way to explain to Itachi why exactly his common sense has suddenly vacated his body, and to his credit Itachi doesn’t push. Each time he visits he treats Shisui with a kindness and patience that Shisui feels completely unworthy of. “Do you think I’m an asshole?” he asks one night, once they’ve run out of business-related things to talk about.</p><p>Itachi pauses, looking exceptionally thoughtful, before he replies, “I believe you are one of the best people I have ever known,” and the answer is so unexpectedly earnest it knocks the air out of Shisui’s lungs.</p><p>So, yes, perhaps he spends a few days going a little off the rails. But if Itachi can still say weird, tender shit like that about him and mean it, maybe he’s not so far gone after all. </p><p>As sunlight breaks on their third day on the Beta Quadrant spaceport, an unlikely figure appears at his doorstop to drag him back into the real world. </p><p>“Hey, Captain!” Ino says brightly--a little too brightly in Shisui’s opinion, considering how early in the morning it is--as she steps into his hotel room. “What are your plans for the day?”</p><p>“Absolutely nothing,” Shisui replies honestly from beneath his sheets, still rubbing sleep from his eyes, and the Betazoid beams. </p><p>“Great! You can take me to breakfast and then afterwards we can pick up some parts that Shikamaru ordered for the ship.”</p><p>Shisui doesn’t know what’s less surprising, the fact that Shikamaru has weaseled his way into doing repairs on the Corvus or the fact that Ino has planned a whole day together without ever informing Shisui. Though he should probably be annoyed by his unruly crew, more than anything he feels incredibly fond. “Give me ten minutes to get ready.” </p><p>By port standards, the cafe he and Ino find themselves isn’t all that bad. It’s a cute little joint with a warm, lived-in feeling that one rarely finds on a colony like this. But taking in the yellow, fraying menus and rust-orange curtains reminds him of the mom and pop joints that litter his neighborhood back home, hidden gems only locals or very determined foodies could stumble upon. Then again, Shisui will take any place where the coffee is bitter and the bacon is greasy, so perhaps he’s not all that reliable as a critic. </p><p>It occurs to Shisui, as they sit in comfortable silence while they wait for their food, that he’s never really spent much time with Ino off the clock. Since the start of their mission they’ve gotten along spectacularly, unsurprising given how similar they are. They’re both young, workaholic hotshots obsessed with proving themselves to some higher power and, more importantly, to themselves. Sometimes looking at Ino is like looking into a mirror, though admittedly seeing a reflection much prettier than his own. Still, Shisui doesn’t mind the chance to get to know her better, considering all the information he currently has about Ino consists of her performance on the Corvus, her place in a legendary Starfleet family, and the illicit affair she may or may not be having with his Chief Medical Officer. </p><p>Once the waitress is finishing depositing Ino’s absolutely ungodly stack of pancakes and Shisui’s omelette on their table, he decides to break the ice. “So, why’d you drag me on this little side quest, anyway?” </p><p>“Because you’re an easy mark and I knew I could convince you to cover my breakfast?” Ino offers, completely unabashed, while dousing her pancakes in thick rivers of syrup. </p><p>That’s another thing Shisui likes about Ino: she’s blunt as the day is long and not all the sorry about it, either. “And here I thought it was my good looks and easy charm,” he retorts sarcastically.  </p><p>Snorting, she replies, “Hardly. As if I’d ever look for such things in a man.” Once Ino’s finished drowning her plate in liquid sugar, she adds, “Perhaps I simply enjoy your company.”</p><p>“Awh, I’m touched,” he tells her, and to the surprise of them both actually means it. </p><p>Keeping her eyes on her food, she says, a little quieter than before, “That and you seemed kind of--sad, I guess.”</p><p>For a brief moment, Shisui tries to imagine what it’s like to be Ino, to be someone destined to carry the weight of everyone else’s emotions on top of your own. It’s an unthinkable prospect to him, a person who’s spent a lifetime burying his own feelings like a corpse. A smile curves his lips, the most pleasant and genuine expression he’s had in days. “You’re a good kid, you know that?”</p><p>“I know,” she agrees, grinning, before a hint of worry creeps onto her face. “You’re still paying, right?”</p><p>Shisui laughs, and it clears some of the cobwebs that have been building in his chest since he took his mother’s call on the Corvus. “Yes, Ino. I’m still paying,” he says, chuckling as she sighs in relief.</p><p>They slip back into a companionable quiet while they eat, broken a handful of minutes later when Ino announces, “To be honest, I’m not used to being surrounded by so much… feeling. Most Betazoids are naturally gifted telepaths, but given my mixed heritage I ended up tipping the empathy scale. It’s not a bad ability, necessarily, but it’s not looked upon as highly as psychic traits are. Unlike most of the planets we’ve encountered, Betazoid society is so open, so honest, meaning our emotions tend to be less turbulent. It’s very different from other worlds, and certainly nothing like our ship where everyone is so… like that,” she finishes, wrinkling her nose in a mix of confusion and distaste. </p><p>“No wonder you and Itachi get along so well,” Shisui notes before sipping his coffee, no doubt the first of the day’s many cups. </p><p>“I feel like Itachi’s adjusted pretty well, all things considered.” Shrugging, Ino adds, “Then again, the only person he really lets his guard down around is you, but I guess that makes sense. It’s always different with you.”</p><p>Shisui freezes, just a moment of weakness, before he sets his cup down with a telling clatter. Idly, he thinks back to when their small group was plotting Jugo’s escape from Orochimaru’s hellship. <em> He is literally not emoting</em>, Anko had said. <em> He never emotes</em>. At the time he’d shrugged it off, chalking the sentiment up to Anko’s anti-Itachi mindset and ignoring it in favor of the bigger picture. But now he starts to wonder if she was onto something. Shisui has seen Itachi around other people, obviously: he’s unfailingly polite, an excellent listener due to his freakish attention to detail, and has developed a friendly rapport with a select few members of the crew (like that terrifying sharkman, for some unfathomable reason). As the months have gone on, Shisui had assumed that Itachi was really opening up to the crew, and that the part he played in that change wasn’t all that significant, but maybe that wasn’t the case at all. While the expansion of Itachi’s previously narrow worldview was noticeable to most of the people who interacted with him on a daily basis, perhaps the reason it was so always obvious to Shisui wasn’t because Shisui was paying terrifyingly close to Itachi. Perhaps it was because Shisui was the only person Itachi allowed to see him that way. </p><p>Ino is watching him with a knowing expression, which means it’s time for Shisui to switch topics immediately, if not sooner. “Gotta admit, you’ve got kind of a surprising backstory.”</p><p>Ino looks at him, raising an eyebrow in dark amusement. “Is it? Surely you’ve met my father before.”</p><p>“Oh, no, he’s definitely a tool,” Shisui says quickly, and Ino smothers a laugh with a finely-manicured hand. “I guess I just always pictured Betazoids as being kinda… squishy. You know, big with the sense and sensitivity.”</p><p>Ino smiles, though the expression is sharp and unkind. “An aptitude for emotional intuition does not guarantee a moral compass,” she replies, squaring her shoulders like she’s preparing for battle. “From the start my parents’ marriage was simply a sham to strengthen alliances between their homeworlds. My mother was a shrewd, politically-minded woman disappointed by my, according to her standards, inferior abilities, and my father was a cold perfectionist disappointed by my gender and nearly everything else about me.”</p><p>Not for the first time Shisui wonders if every single person on his ship has some sort of messy childhood history that’s driven them into the stars. “And yet you’ve spent over two decades twisting yourself up trying to gain their approval,” he concludes. “Ain’t families grand?” </p><p>“The grandest,” she confirms, stabbing into her remaining bite of pancake with unnecessary vigor.</p><p>Driven out of concern for both Ino and the stability of her plate, Shisui says, “Alright, I’m declaring a new conversation because this shit is morose as hell.” Resting his arms on the table, he leans forward and, in a conspiratorial whisper, asks, “What are the latest rumors on this ship of ours?” </p><p>In an instant his Communications Officer brightens immeasurably. “<em>Now </em> we’re talking.” </p><p>Over the next twenty minutes, Shisui learns far more about the personal lives of his staff that he ever meant to. Admittedly, most of that information concerns Ino, Sakura, and their not-relationship. Things between them have greatly improved, a fact Ino’s eager to repeatedly inform him and also one he’s witnessed with his own eyes, but they’re not back together. It’s kind of endearing to watch the normally composed and professional Ino fret over her romantic prospects like any normal girl her age, all pouty frowns and heavy sighs, which is why Shisui once again pushes her to make a move. </p><p>Along with all the sapphic shenanigans, he discovers a few more interesting facts. One of them is that, according to Ino, Shikamaru has developed a love-hate crush on Temari, the Chief Engineer from Gai’s ship, and the ridiculous affair seems to be mutual. Another is that Suigetsu has taken five seconds out of his day to stop being the bane of Shisui’s existence and apparently fall for Karin, who will most likely never reciprocate. She’s also found out that Kurenai, Asuma’s wife, is pregnant, which Shisui actually did know about, but feigns ignorance because Ino looks so damn proud of her snooping. By the end of their meal Shisui certainly knows Ino a lot better than he did at the start, but more than anything he’s learned not to cross her because the woman can dig up dirt on <em> anyone </em>. </p><p>That uncanny ability rears its ugly head as they’re walking over to retrieve Shikamaru’s order from the hardware store. “So,” Ino begins thoughtfully as she wraps an arm around Shisui’s, “what about <em> your </em> love life?”</p><p>Sweat that has nothing to do with the early morning heat rolls down Shisui’s face. “You mean the one that doesn’t exist?”</p><p>“It’s cute how you think you can play dumb when I’m able to read your every emotion,” she says, which would be an incredibly menacing statement on just about any other person. That said, Shisui is still quite literally thrown--as in, he tripes and nearly falls on his ass--when she adds, “I guess that means you don’t plan on telling Itachi you’re in love with him.” </p><p>Once he’s done with almost falling down in the dirt like a moron, Shisui sputters, “Telling who <em> what </em> now?”</p><p>To her credit, Ino does a very admirable job of keeping him upright, though such a feat in no way excuses the terrible little smirk on her terrible little face. “Every emotion,” she reminds him smugly. </p><p>“You,” Shisui declares hotly as he shakes the Betazoid off, “are a very nosey young lady.”</p><p>Ino shrugs. “I can live with that.” </p><p>His fight or flight response all but screaming in his head, Shisui admits, “Look, I really don’t know what you want me to say here.”</p><p>“I’m not trying to corner you or--or judge you or anything, okay? Promise.” He must look as freaked out as he feels, because Ino’s expression softens as she continues, “It’s just… You were there for me when I needed you, and I wanted to return the favor. You’re a good person and a good Captain, and I want you to be happy.”</p><p>“Not that good a Captain, all things considered,” he mutters, and Ino smiles at him, sympathetic and affectionate.</p><p>“Didn’t you tell me once that it’s more important to make choices that are moral than choices that are legal?”</p><p>“Yeah, but that’s different.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“Because you’re not the boss of literally every person on that ship.” Exhaling sharply, Shisui lowers his voice and says, “Ino, it’s not… It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’re trying to do, because I do. It’s just that when it comes to me and Itachi things are <em> very </em> much not meant to be.” </p><p>“But he…” Ino starts, then immediately snaps her mouth shut the moment she realizes the words have slipped out.</p><p>“‘But he,’ what?” Shisui demands, feeling almost dizzy with the implication of what Ino isn’t saying. “Do you know something I don’t?”</p><p>“I don’t know anything!” Ino cries, throwing her hands up in defeat. “You know what? You were right; none of this was ever any of my business. We really should go get these parts before Shikamaru gets pissy.” Before Shisui can even reply she’s stomping away, kicking up dirt as she goes. Shisui can only follow in her footsteps, trailing along as they go through the motions of picking up Shikamaru’s equipment before heading back to the lot. </p><p>There’s a significant crowd outside the Engineer’s garage when he and Ino return. Predictably, Shikamaru and Temari are once again bickering, trading barbs along with tools as they work on the Corvus. Kisame’s also there, entertaining Tenten and Kankuro, a few of Gai’s Security Officers, with a story that involves a disturbingly gleeful stabbing gesture that Shisui should probably be concerned about. And then there’s Itachi, observing the ongoing repairs with the focus of a mother bird looking after her ducklings.</p><p>Just looking at him, in light of Shisui’s aborted conversation with Ino, is difficult, and things get even more complicated when they approach and Itachi asks, “How was your shopping trip?”</p><p>Without a word, Ino slides past them both, making a beeline for Shikamaru, and Shisui holds back a snort. “Delightful. I’m so full of nuts and bolts I simply don’t know what to do with myself,” he answers. “That and Ino was kind enough to catch me up on all the latest gossip floating around our fine vessel.”</p><p>Something in Itachi’s face tenses almost imperceptibly. “Is that what you were doing?”</p><p>“Uh, yes? What else would I be--” Recognition suddenly flares in his tiny little brain, and Shisui can’t help but laugh at the irony of the situation. “Oh, my God, don’t even tell me <em> that’s </em> what you were thinking.” The rising color in his cheeks and the pointed tips of his ears clue Shisui into the fact that that’s <em> exactly </em> what Itachi was thinking, which is as hilarious as it is deranged and kind of insulting. “Itachi, don’t be ridiculous; you know you’re the only one for me.”</p><p>Itachi sniffs, annoyed. “I would appreciate it if you did not mock me.”</p><p>“Who says I was mocking you? Maybe it was the truth.” While Shisui was aiming for his usual harmless flirtatious humor, the words come out a shade too earnest for his comfort. Suddenly Itachi’s looking at him incredibly curiously, and Shisui’s more than eager to change the subject. “Anyway, even if I was that much of a sleazeball--which I am <em> not</em>, thank you <em> very </em> much--I’m pretty sure I’m not Ino’s preferred flavor of ice cream, if you catch my drift. That would be our good doctor.”</p><p>“Sakura?” Itachi looks exceptionally surprised by the revelation, so mission accomplished on the “don’t let Itachi realize his intense and highly unprofessional love for him” front. “I had not realized.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. Apparently the two go way back. Long story short, it’s a big, lesbian mess.” </p><p>“And you would allow that? For them to have a relationship while serving on the Corvus?”</p><p>“Who am I to stand in the way of young love?” </p><p>Itachi’s quiet for a moment, expression pensive, before steering their conversation in an even more undesirable direction. “Previously you mentioned that you had a… personal matter to discuss with me. Would you care to do so now?”</p><p>Unsurprisingly, Shisui really, <em> really </em> would <em> not </em> care to do so. “Ugh, that. You know, it’s really not that impor--”</p><p>“<em>Captain</em>,” Itachi warns sternly. </p><p>“Fine, fine, I give.” Glancing around to make sure no one’s listening in on them, Shisui replies, with false ease, “My father had a heart attack.”</p><p>Itachi’s eyes wide in surprise, sympathy quickly filling his features, and looking at his sincere expression turns Shisui’s stomach. He doesn’t feel especially worthy of Itachi’s sentimentality on a good day, and he’s certainly not deserving of it in this instance. “I am very sorry to hear that.”</p><p>Shrugging, he says, “Dunno if I am, though. Sorry, I mean.”</p><p>“That is to be expected, given your complicated relationship with one another.” Shisui feels his jaw tighten, and Itachi looks at him knowingly before he guesses, “You are upset with yourself that you do not feel worse?”</p><p>Shisui grimaces. “I really hate it when you do that.” </p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“Figure out the things I’m trying not to tell you.”</p><p>“Perhaps it is because I do not find the task to be exceptionally difficult.”</p><p>“You saying I’m an easy mark?”</p><p>“Not to most people,” Itachi replies quietly, his face so painfully honest it’s physically impossible for Shisui to meet his gaze. It’s, like, seventy levels of fucked-up that somehow, in the middle of excavating his deep-seeded emotional and psychological issues, he still finds a way to fall for Itachi just a little bit more. </p><p>“All the more reason to keep this between us, then” he says, which can mean any number of things given the circumstances. “No one else knows about my dad getting sick--or really anything about him, frankly.”</p><p>Itachi furrows his brow. “You have not told Mitarashi he is ill?”</p><p>“Nah. If I told Anko she’d just say she hopes the old man kicks it.” Shisui thinks of all the times he spent hiding in Anko’s massive, empty childhood home to avoid getting caught in the crossfire of his parents’ imploding marriage and represses a shudder. “I guess that’s valid, considering back in the day she saw the worst of it right along with me.”</p><p>“I understand. Rest assured, you can trust me to keep your confidence.”</p><p>Shisui smiles at him; if there’s one thing in this world he can rely on its Itachi’s unfailing loyalty. “Always do.”</p><p>“Captain.” Itachi pauses, before finishing, a tad hesitantly, “Thank you.”</p><p>His eyebrows halfway up his forehead, Shisui retorts, “You’re thanking me for spilling my childhood trauma to you?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Itachi answers, rolling his eyes. “What I am trying to say is that I am glad you are taking our promise to heart. It means a lot that you would confide in me like this.” </p><p>“Don’t mention it,” Shisui says, feeling his heart sink under the weight of all the other things he’s refused to tell Itachi. When Itachi opens his mouth to disagree, he repeats, “No, literally. <em> Don’t </em> mention it.”</p><p>“As you wish.” Though he still looks a little mutinous, Itachi lets the issue drop. A second later, remembrance flashes in his eyes and he tells Shisui, “Forgive me, there is one more matter I wished to speak with you about.”</p><p>“You and your matters.” Shaking his head, Shisui asks, “What’s up?”</p><p>“There is an Admiral Hatake stationed on this port that was very interested in speaking with you. He asked me to have you stop by his station tomorrow afternoon, should you have time.”</p><p>Of all the places he expected to find one of the most acclaimed officers in Starfleet, sitting behind a desk in a spaceport was most certainly <em> not </em> one of them. “Well,” Shisui replies, feeling a grin spread across his face, “this ought to be interesting.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>As the legend goes, Kakashi Hatake became a Starfleet Captain at twenty eight years of age, and yes, Shisui takes a very particular pride in beating his record. That said, Kakashi probably could have locked down the position at an earlier age if he wasn’t carrying around more baggage than a Federation freight hauler. His father, Sakumo, had been killed in the line of duty when Kakashi was just a boy, and once he had a career of his own it seemed like the tragedies he experienced piled on him like bricks in a house’s foundation. Looking back on the time he spent in Kakashi’s service nearly a decade ago, Shisui thinks that’s probably why he and Gai always worked so well together, with Gai’s unrelenting optimism balancing out Kakashi's nihilistic pragmatism. </p><p>Personally, Shisui’s always liked Kakashi, even if most people in Starfleet tended to find the man at least a little bit off-putting. Shisui, a person who used to avoid interpersonal relationships during his assignments like the plague, never minded Kakashi’s fair yet distant style of captaining. And, if nothing else, Kakashi’s undeniably skilled at his job, meaning Shisui could always trust that he wasn’t being led into dangerous or absurd situations without good reason. </p><p>With that in mind, Shisui’s more than happy to make the trek to Kakashi’s office the following day. It’s not exactly a short trip, and by the time he reaches the Admiral’s door he can feel his thighs burning from the strain. The Beta Quadrant spaceport is dry and dusty, like some long-forgotten gold rush boomtown back on Earth, and Shisui’s content to leave behind the afternoon sun to step into the stuffy, air-conditioned room. </p><p>When he pokes his head inside, Shisui’s not surprised to see that Kakashi hasn’t changed all that much. He still has the same crazy white hair that makes no sense given his age and the same creepy mask that he insists on using to cover half of his face. And, much like another Captain Shisui has served for, he still has little patience for him. “I take it you got my message,” Kakashi says, like he doesn’t much care either way, but Shisui learned a long time ago not to take it personally. </p><p>“My First Officer was kind enough to pass it on to me,” Shisui replies, dropping into one of the chairs in front of Kakashi’s desk without waiting for an invitation. The man’s eye twitches slightly in response, but wisely chooses not to argue. “I guess I should congratulate you on your fancy new job.”</p><p>“Ah, yes,” Kakashi deadpans. “It is very fancy around these parts.”</p><p>Shisui smirks. That’s another reason he likes Kakashi: despite all appearances the man actually has a sense of humor. “Can’t say I ever thought I’d see the day where you took your claws out of the Procyon, though. Always seemed like you were stuck to that ship like glue.”</p><p>“The tides changed, so I changed with them.” </p><p>“How poetic.” </p><p>“Speaking of promotions, I suppose I should congratulate you as well. I can’t say I was surprised when it was announced, though; you seem to have done quite well for yourself since we last worked together.”</p><p>“You’re not wrong,” Shisui agrees, savoring the way Kakashi’s eye twitches once more. Sometimes it’s just fun to fuck with the guy. </p><p>That said, Shisui hadn’t just come to Kakashi for fun and games. The fact that he’s currently face-to-face with one of the most prolific and well-connected members of his organization, someone he can trust not to start trouble or ask too many questions, is certainly not lost on him. In his current state, Shisui has few allies and even fewer of them that he feels comfortable risking in an intergalactic chess-match with Danzo Fucking Shimura, of all people. But Kakashi’s a slippery bastard along with being a tough one, which is why Shisui feels like it’s safe enough to tell him a sliver of the truth.  “You know, I get that you probably called me here to shower me in praise and adulation about how far I’ve come in life, but there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about, if you have a second.”</p><p>Already sounding exhausted by Shisui’s very presence, Kakashi says, “Knowing you like I do I’m fairly certain there’s no point in resisting.”</p><p>“What can you tell me about Danzo Shimura?”</p><p>In an instant everything that Shisui can see of Kakashi’s face darkens. “Nothing good,” he replies bluntly. </p><p>“Because that’s not ominous at all,” Shisui jokes, as if to muffle the uncomfortable shuddering sensation along his spine. </p><p>“I would think you’d have enough common sense to know why,” he drawls. “Why are you asking?”</p><p>“He decided to pay me a visit a month ago, right after asking my team to pick through the ribs of the Jörmungandr’s corpse.” </p><p>“You found the Jörmungandr?” Kakashi asks, clearly surprised. </p><p>“As if. Danzo found it; he just didn’t want to get his hands dirty.”</p><p>“Typical.” A long, silent moment passes between them, heavy with tension, before Kakashi tells him, “I’m fairly certain it goes without saying, but digging through Danzo’s wardrobe isn’t something you want to do. Whatever it is you’re plotting, I’d recommend dropping it before it bites you in the ass.”</p><p>Shisui grins, the gesture as wide as it is empty. “Awh, Kakashi. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were worried about me.” </p><p>“I’m serious, Shisui,” Kakashi says, not taking the bait. “Drop it.” </p><p>For a single, wild second, he considers telling Kakashi the truth--the whole truth, not just the slivers. It would certainly be a relief to get this burden off his shoulders, to pass it along to a bigger fish and the sea and wave bye-bye as all his troubles swim away. But there’s a nagging, anxious hum in his brain that keeps Shisui’s loud mouth uncharacteristically shut. As much as he doesn’t think Kakashi would ever stoop to being in Danzo’s pocket, he’s pretty sure that stranger things have happened in the history of the universe. The fewer people involved in his insane scheme, the less loose ends that have the potential to spring up and strangle him. So, even though a part of him worries he might be making entirely the wrong move, he decides to keep his secrets to himself. </p><p>“Nothing to drop,” Shisui eventually assures him, perhaps a little too late to be believable, and though Kakashi looks dubious he lets it go. </p><p>Shaking his head, Kakashi reaches for a notebook on his desk, and that’s when a small, silver object on his left ring finger catches Shisui’s attention. “Wait, did you get married?” he asks, his shock raising his voice a few octaves. </p><p>The man in question looks down at his hand, almost as if it’s the first time he’s heard about the affair, too. “That is traditionally what the ring means,” he replies, as flat and unaffected as ever. “I take it you haven’t heard to whom.”</p><p>“Sorry, I’ve been kind of busy these days, being responsible for legions of innocent people and all,” Shisui retorts, head still fuzzy at the revelation. “Who the hell married <em> you</em>?” He doesn’t mean for the words to come out so… well, <em> mean</em>. It’s just that of all the people in his life Kakashi is pretty much the last person he can imagine in a “til death do we part” situation. For his part, Kakashi doesn’t look especially angry at the slight. If anything he looks amused by the current state of their conversation, lips curling underneath his mask as he watches Shisui play a mental guessing game trying to uncover what unlucky soul in the universe would even <em> consider</em>--</p><p>The answer hits him like an anvil to head in some ancient children’s cartoon. “What the fuck?” Shisui blurts out, his surprise overriding any sense of propriety. “<em>Gai </em> married you?”</p><p>Kakashi’s visible eye narrows at him. “You aren’t exactly the brightest Captain in Starfleet, are you?” </p><p>“But you…” Reeling from both this new information and the absolute tonal whiplash that is the change in conversation, Shisui mentally goes through a bit of a stumble as he tries to remember what life was like on the Procyon all those years ago. Sure, there had always been rumors going around amongst the grunt crew (and probably the higher-ranking Officers, to be honest), but Shisui always had a nigh-impossible time believing them, because it was <em> Kakashi</em>. And <em> Gai.</em> <em>Together.</em> </p><p>Apparently, Shisui hadn’t been paying as close attention as everyone else. “But he was your First Officer,” he finishes lamely.</p><p>“And now he isn’t,” Kakashi says, lifting a shoulder in a careless shrug. “Funny how that works out.” </p><p>“So, that’s why you left Gai the Procyon. You took a promotion so you could settle down behind a white picket fence.” </p><p>“Not sure there’s that many white picket fences around here, but essentially yes.” Something oddly wistful crosses Kakashi’s face as he tells Shisui, “It gets old eventually, being an errand boy for the Federation. Even the best Officers in the galaxy get tired of being a rootless tree.” </p><p>Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Shisui says, “Not sure I ever will. I mean, my whole life I’ve wanted my own ship, and now I’ve got it. What more could I ask for?”</p><p>Kakashi looks at Shisui very seriously before asking, “Haven’t you ever wanted something for yourself outside of Starfleet?”</p><p>Ten years ago, Shisui would have laughed in the man’s face, because back then the idea of settling down provoked a near-allergic reaction in him. But it’s not ten years ago. It’s now and instead the words immediately conjure a vision of Itachi’s face in his mind’s eye. “Can’t say that I have,” he replies, a tad hoarse.</p><p>“You will someday. And when that day comes you’re going to have to ask yourself what you actually want the rest of your life to look like.” Once again, Kakashi sounds like he couldn’t give a flying fuck what happens to Shisui, but there’s a concern creasing his forehead that Shisui finds oddly touching. “That’s all.”</p><p>“Well, on that slightly invasive and more than a little creepy note, I have a crew to get back to.” Standing, he reaches out to shake the hand of the man across from him and unlike his husband Kakashi doesn’t even come close to breaking any bones. “It was good to see you.” </p><p>Kakakshi doesn’t agree with the sentiment, which is really no surprise, but he does say, “Take care of yourself.”</p><p>Thinking of the myriad of factors in his life currently conspiring to drive him nuts, Shisui can only laugh as he vows, “No promises.” </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>By the end of the week, the crew has grown particularly restless and reckless. As the days have worn on it’s become increasingly difficult for Shisui to keep all his children safely corralled, and now that they’re about to enter their eighth day on the port he has all but given up. Yes, he’s leaking Ensigns like water pouring through the holes of a sinking ship, but as rowdy as the crew has been they haven’t caused any real trouble. Of course, that’s probably about to change tonight, as the whole lot of them have decided to pour into the cluster of local dive bars to raise what will probably be previously unknown levels of hell.</p><p>True be told, Shisui doesn’t blame them; after all, they’re not the only ones chaffing in their confines. At this point in the game he’s already feeling the familiar itch beneath his skin, the one he gets whenever he’s stuck in one place for too long. It’s the itch that tells him to run, run far and fast, because getting tied down can only mean trouble. Standing still as he currently is, listless and unoccupied, gives Shisui way too many chances to think about things he really doesn’t want to give any serious thought to. And now more than ever Shisui has issues stacking on top of each other like kids’ blocks, threatening to collapse at any moment and swallow him in the freefall. So, because he’s an expert in running away from his problems then pretending he never had any to begin with, he decides to throw his hat in the ring and cause a little mischief himself. At least, that’s the plan until he opens his hotel door and sees Itachi standing there, mid-knock and momentarily startled. </p><p>Shisui, more than a little startled himself, quickly morphs into confusion when he gets a good look at Itachi. For the first time since they started this grand adventure Itachi’s not in uniform, wearing a thickly-knitted black turtleneck that appears to be swallowing his slender frame whole. He’s also not wearing his customary ponytail, a fact that Shisui swiftly chooses to ignore because otherwise the sight of Itachi’s long, silky dark hair framing his face will drive him insane. “What are you doing here?” he asks finally.</p><p>“I was going to accompany you to the gathering this evening.” Itachi tilts his head, an unreadable expression on his face. “Am I unwelcome?”</p><p>“Uh, no, you’re super welcome,” Shisui replies, finally closing the door behind him. “It’s just… Are you sure you want to come to the land of stale peanuts and sweaty pool cues? I wouldn’t think that’d be your idea of a good time.” </p><p>“Forgive me for attempting to expand my horizons,” Itachi says haughtily, and Shisui smothers the smile threatening to spread wide and fond across his face.</p><p>“No offense intended. You know I’m always happy to see you.” Once again he’s come way too close to actually showing his hand, so before Itachi can respond Shisui quickly decides to switch gears. “So, you’re wearing a turtleneck to a bar, huh? That’s a fun and exciting choice.”</p><p>Itachi looks down at himself with a frown, plucking at the fabric of his shirt before asking, in a mumble, “Is my attire too casual?”</p><p>This time Shisui <em> does </em> smile, more than a little helplessly, because he suspects if he loved Itachi any more it really might kill him. “Let’s go get drunk,” he says, in lieu of an actual answer, and wraps an arm around Itachi’s shoulder to drag him down the hall. </p><p>The two of them are the last to arrive at the impromptu party, and their entrance draws more than a few raised eyebrows Shisui resolutely ignores. There’s already quite the crowd to cut through to reach the table where the older members of the Corvus and the Procyon are closely packed together, and it’s a relief to drop into the two remaining empty seats, sandwiched between Anko and Kisame. Wisely, Shisui takes the spot next to Anko and leaves Itachi to handle the shark. With all the tightly packed bodies around it’s hot as hell inside the bar, and idly Shisui wonders how much Itachi is regretting his fashion choices. If he does, however, he keeps the thought to himself as he settles in beside Shisui. They’re so close, packed in like sardines, with Itachi’s arm firmly pressed against his own. A heat that has nothing to do with the bar’s temperature crawls through his stomach, and Shisui clears his throat. God, he needs a drink. </p><p>“You made it,” Asuma calls out from across the table, leaning against Kurenai in a gesture of comfortable intimacy. The lines of his body are light and easy in a way that Shisui’s never seen before, which is a nice change of pace, and Shisui’s glad that Kurenai was able to make the trip to the port on such short notice. It’s a little less sweet and a little more strange to see Gai and Kakashi sitting together, in light of their not-so-secret marriage that only Shisui remained clueless about. Frankly, they don’t look any different now than they did back when Shisui was serving with the two of them years ago, but maybe that says it all. If anything, at least Kakashi looks like he’s worked the stick firmly lodged up his ass out by an inch or two; maybe Shisui should send Gai a fruit basket to express his sincerest congratulations.</p><p>“Of course he did,” Anko cuts in flatly. “This one will never pass up a chance at public intoxication.” </p><p>“Why, Anko, I simply have no idea what you’re talking about,” Shisui says innocently, and Anko throws a peanut at his head in retaliation. Quick as always, he opens his mouth and catches it effortlessly. Anko wrinkles her lip, shaking her head in disgust, and Shisui laughs so hard he’s practically shaking with it. </p><p>“It is incredibly lively in here,” Itachi comments, his voice barely audible above the ruckus around them.</p><p>Shisui chuckles. “Trust me, you ain’t seen nothing yet,” he replies, and Itachi has the good sense to look worried. </p><p>Despite his warnings, the evening starts off relatively smoothly. For the most part, Shisui’s content to nurse the motor oil that passes for alcohol on this rock and observe the conversations going on around him. It's a nice change of pace to sit back and not think about the Corvus or Danzo or his godforsaken father for approximately 0.2 seconds and he intends to savor it. Next to him Itachi watches their little group with the sharp-eyed attention he usually saves for his intricately nerdy science experiments, though he’s nowhere near as out of place as Shisui expected him to be. There’s a pleasant camaraderie amongst their group, made up of the older members of the Corvus and Procyon crew, and Shisui tries not to think of how comfortable it all feels. How it makes sense to have Itachi at his side like he belongs there.</p><p>Across the bar a much rowdier crew has sprung up, and in between lulls in conversation he glances over to observe how many of his younger staff members are absolutely losing their minds. Asuma, fatherly as always, is quick to jump in and suggest breaking the party up, but Shisui kills that idea pretty quickly. It’s been a busy two years and everyone’s been bringing their A-games to the job, so he reasons they’re due for a little madness. Still, it’s hilarious to watch Sakura arm-wrestling every man at the table--and winning--even with a tipsy Ino on her lap. It’s even funnier to watch Gai’s incredibly stuffy red-haired and eye-bagged First Officer be completely oblivious to the fact that the boy on his left (who looks <em> suspiciously </em> like Gai himself) is flirting with him. </p><p>All in all, it’s a great time, right up until Anko starts diving into her collection of memories known as “Crazy Shit Shisui and I Have Done In Our Shared Youth,” which consists almost entirely of stories Shisui would rather die than hear told aloud. So naturally Anko tells all of them, one right after the other, and by the time she’s told her fourth story related to Shisui’s sex life he’s slowly sliding out of his chair in a weak attempt at disappearing entirely. More than once Itachi pats his shoulder in solidarity, but keeps his eyes very carefully focused away from Shisui’s face. Fortunately, Gai is kind enough to eventually take pity on him and redirects the chatter to something a little more family friendly. Despite this, he still manages to piss off Kisame in the process, as apparently Kisame’s had to introduce himself, like, three times since the evening began. </p><p>“Can you believe this asshole? He can’t even remember my damn name,” Kisame attempts to whisper, but the sound of his voice travels a lot farther than he realizes; out of the corner of his eye Shisui sees Asuma and Kurenai smirking while Gai, with big, sad puppy dog eyes, mouths “asshole?” to a displeased Kakashi. </p><p>In a move demonstrative of extraordinary composure, Shisui furrows his brow in sympathy. “Awh, cheer up, big guy,” he says as he warily resumes his position. “The way things are going in this joint I suspect you’ll have a bar fight to join in no time.”</p><p>Kisame’s expression clears in an instant. “Really? You mean it?” he asks, with the hopefulness of a young child.</p><p>“Would I lie to you?” Shisui replies, laying an earnest hand over his heart, which seems to do the trick. </p><p>Once Kisame is preoccupied by the hunt for violence, Itachi leans in closer to Shisui. “You,” he begins quietly, “are a terrible man.”</p><p>“Please,” Shisui counters, repressing a shudder at the way the words ghost along his ear, “like you don’t love it.” </p><p>“I will neither agree nor disagree,” Itachi says, sipping his lemon water demurely, and Shisui grins. Of course, the expression is very quickly wiped off his face when he catches sight of the way Kakashi is watching them with an eerie perception that says nothing and everything all at once. All at once Shisui is keenly aware of what it looks like, what <em> they </em> must look like, and the bitter taste of his drink comes right back up his throat. Swallowing down the bile and nerves, he thinks of their conversation from days earlier. <em> When that day comes you’re going to have to ask yourself what you actually want the rest of your life to look like</em>, Kakashi had said then, which in hindsight is fucking stupid advice. Shisui doesn’t have to ask himself anything; he knows damn well that everything he’s ever wanted is sitting right here beside him, which is all the more reason to go somewhere else. </p><p>Politely excusing himself from the table, Shisui heads over to the bar to grab himself another drink. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Ino, still carefully perched on Sakura’s lap, waving at him with great enthusiasm, and despite the waves of nausea rolling through him Shisui has enough affection for her to return the gesture. With any luck she’ll continue to be preoccupied enough by her not-girlfriend to ignore his emotional distress, because the only thing that could make his evening better would be his Communications Officer drunkenly wandering over to him to play therapist.</p><p>There’s one open spot at the bar and Shisui slides into it to place his order. It’s a busy enough night that he’s not expecting to get quick service, but is pleasantly surprised to see the bartender setting his drink in front of him only a few minutes later. He’s even more pleasantly surprised when the bartender shakes his head as Shisui moves to throw some credits on the bartop. “It’s on the house,” the guy says with a friendly smile. “Interesting crowd you’ve got with you.”</p><p>“That,” Shisui replies, “is an understatement.” </p><p>“I take it you’re a Captain, then?”</p><p>“Yeah, but I don’t like to brag.” Grinning, Shisui corrects himself almost immediately. “Actually, that’s a lie, I’m very arrogant,” he confesses, and the bartender laughs, the sound low and husky.</p><p>“Fair to say you won’t be long for these parts?”</p><p>“Very fair. If all goes well we should be back in the air by this time tomorrow.”</p><p>“That’s a shame.” At that, Shisui raises an eyebrow, and in response the bartender looks at him with a sweet yet hopeful expression. “I get off in a few hours if you’re looking for company.”</p><p>For a single moment that he probably won’t be proud of later, Shisui actually considers the offer. The man across from him is handsome and unassuming and clearly interested. But the idea of being with anyone else, even if it’s just to forget about Itachi for a few blissful hours, is a deeply unpleasant one one. “Sweet of you to offer, but I’m afraid my heart belongs to another.” He glances over his shoulder to see Itachi sitting very still at the table, prim and proper as always, watching the conversation around him with a mixture of horror and fascination on his face. “Not that it’ll ever amount to anything, but what can you do.”</p><p>To his credit, the guy takes the let down like a champ. “Want another drink?”</p><p>“I’ll let you know,” Shisui says. Not long after that the bartender wanders off, preoccupied with accommodating the bar’s many patrons. That leaves Shisui alone and nursing his beer for a good fifteen minutes, a decent enough experience right up until the object of his affection sidles up to him. </p><p>“I am afraid I have reached my limit with your group’s colorful stories,” Itachi announces, sounding exhausted and looking more than a little traumatized. “May I join you?”</p><p>“Dare I even ask what tall tales has Anko been feeding you in my absence?” Shisui asks, and Itachi sighs heavily in response. </p><p>“Well, the last one involved a graduation party, karaoke, and at least one count of public indecency.”</p><p>Shisui groans; one of these days he’s going to <em> kill </em> that woman. “That is literally the worst story she could have ever told.”</p><p>“If it is any consolation I found it very… illuminating,” Itachi says charitably. “Until now I did not know one could do such things with a tropical fruit.”</p><p>“Can we talk about literally anything else? I will beg if I must.”</p><p>“Whatever you say, Captain.”</p><p>A companionable silence settles between the two of them, and it’s actually kind of nice. One of the best things about Itachi is the fact that he’s the type of person you can be quiet around without the experience becoming incredibly awkward. That said, it’s a rare moment when Shisui doesn’t want to talk to Itachi, and given his current slightly liquored-up state he’s even chattier than usual. Turning to Itachi, he says, “I noticed you’re not partaking of the drink like the rest of us fools.Trying to stay sober so you can accumulate blackmail on everyone?”</p><p>Itachi’s expression quickly turns sardonic. “How tragic that you have uncovered my master plan. However shall I accomplish my evil deeds now?” he asks, dry as the deserts of his home planet, and Shisui smirks against the lip of his beer. “To answer your question, alcohol has no effect on those of Vulcan descent, which is why I have traditionally abstained from it.”</p><p>“So you can drink us all under the table and not feel a thing, yet you’ve spent your life wasting this miracle ability. That’s a damn shame.” More than a little mystified by the concept, he presses the issue a little bit further. “Alright, if this--” Shisui starts, shaking his bottle for emphasis, “--isn’t your poison, then what is? Surely you Vulcans know how to let loose somehow.”</p><p>Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, Itachi replies, “Why do I suspect that telling you know will only lead to my downfall later?”</p><p>“Does this look like the face of a man who would betray you?” he widens his eyes innocently.</p><p>“Frankly, yes,” Itachi retorts without hesitation, and Shisui gasps in mock-horror, feigning offense. Nevertheless, it’s not long before he leans in closer and murmurs, “It is chocolate. That is our secret weakness.”</p><p>“No way!” Shisui crows, eyebrows halfway up his forehead in shock. “All the years of knowing each other and it turns out the way to get you to let your Vulcan bowlcut down was to make you some s’mores. Unfuckingbelievable.” </p><p>“I am sorry you had to find out like this, Captain,” Itachi replies sincerely, but Shisui barely hears a single thing he says. He’s way too focused on the man’s open and amused expression, the relaxed set of his features and the grin tugging at his lips. He’s happier than Shisui’s ever seen him, at home and utterly content, and Shisui feels a little bit like he’s staring into the sun. Honestly, he’s pretty sure that the image of the Vulcan looking so completely--well, <em> human </em> could render any mere mortal blind if they looked long enough. </p><p>In that moment, Shisui has the type of epiphany that only mild intoxication can bring on. For over a year now he’s been kicking his own ass because of his feelings for Itachi, beating himself up for being a unprofessional creep, but where has Itachi been? In the same place he is now: right at Shisui’s side. He thinks about all the moments between them, the long looks and charged atmosphere, and all he can say is, <em> duh</em>. <em> Itachi </em> had been the one to Vulcan make-out with him. <em> Itachi </em> had been the one who asked to be his partner. And <em> Itachi </em> was the one who sought him now, looking at Shisui like his idiot self hung the damn stars. </p><p>So maybe all this time, it hasn’t been just him. Maybe that’s what Ino was trying to tell him earlier in the week, before she abruptly decided to remember her social clues. And maybe, just maybe, he can get that stupid white picket fence life Kakashi was trying to sell him on after all. </p><p>The revelation has Shisui’s heart in his throat and it takes a good amount of clearing it before he can speak again. He decides to test the waters before doing something insane like actually being honest about his feelings for once. If it goes terribly he can always play it cool, brush it off as a joke. But if it doesn't… “You know, truth be told I feel like I’m at a disadvantage here. See, Anko’s already told you all about my wild escapades, yet I’ve heard nothing about yours.”</p><p>Itachi raises a single, slender brow, but doesn’t look offended and uncomfortable; it’s a big win for lovesick Captains everywhere. “I am very curious to learn exactly what it is about my person that would imply I am in possession of such ‘wild escapades.’”</p><p>“Oh, come on! I bet there were all sorts of crazy orgies happening back on Vulcan that you guys hide from the rest of us to keep up appearances.”</p><p>“If such things were occurring I was most certainly not invited.” Lips pursed together, Itachi thinly elaborates, “I am afraid there is not much--or anything, quite honestly--to tell. Even amongst my fellow Vulcans I was considered to be a bit… uptight, shall we say.”</p><p>Shisui snorts. “You, uptight? I don’t believe it for a second.”</p><p>Itachi doesn’t even acknowledge Shisui’s dumbassery for a moment and continues, as if uninterrupted, “Promiscuity is not as common for my people as I suspect it is for yours. I say that with no judgment, of course, as I am merely pointing out that it is traditional for Vulcans to take a mate for life.”</p><p>It’s in that moment, as he takes in the rising blush on Itachi’s cheeks and his overly logical explanations, that Shisui finally buys a clue. “So you’ve never…” He starts, but can’t bring himself to speak the words out loud.</p><p>“No,” Itachi says stiffly, “I have never.”</p><p>“Oh.” Though he’ll never admit it, the information sends a hot, possessive thrill through Shisui’s gut. But one look at Itachi’s terse expression banishes any eroticism from the conversation, as Shisui quickly realizes his misstep. “Hey, I didn’t mean that in a bad way, it was just… unexpected. But I think it’s nice, to have it mean something. Lot smarter than I’ve been about these things, that’s for damn sure.”</p><p>“I hope that it will. Mean something, rather.” Shifting his gaze away, Itachi stares at his hands sitting limply in his lap and tells Shisui, “It is actually rather uncommon for my people to marry out of sentimentality, as many families on Vulcan elect to arrange marriages for their children not long after their seventh birthday.”</p><p>“Yikes. Good thing you dodged that bullet.” Almost instantly Itachi’s shoulders stiffen, his mouth curving down unhappily, and that’s when Shisui buys his second clue of the evening. “... <em>Oh</em>,” he murmurs again, this time for an entirely different reason. </p><p>It’s almost comically pathetic how shitty his life is, except for once Shisui can’t seem to find his misery even the slightest bit funny. Mostly he just feels like he’s going to be sick. “Guess I really put my foot in my mouth there,” Shisui eventually says, irritated at how rough his voice sounds. </p><p>“I am not offended,” Itachi reassures him with a gentleness that makes Shisui feel like the man’s stabbed him in the eye. Repeatedly. “There is no way you could have known.”</p><p>“Got that right.” Running a shaky hand through his hair, Shisui says, “Wow. Congratulations. I mean, I guess there’s nothing to congratulate considering this happened, like, twenty years ago, but hey. Thought that counts, right?”</p><p>Itachi looks at him, concern clear in his eyes, and Shisui can’t bear it. Really, it should be fucking illegal for Itachi to look at him considering he’s apparently <em> engaged</em>. “Captain, are you feeling alright?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Shisui replies, feeling dizzy and wobbly and incredibly stupid as he stands from his seat. “Yeah, totally fine. But, uh, I’m gonna take off so tell everyone I said--well, make something witty up and tell ‘em I said it.”</p><p>“Are you sure you do not want me to accompany you to your room?” Itachi asks, brows tightly drawn together. “You seem rather… unwell.”</p><p>“Never been more sure in my life. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” Shisui doesn’t even give Itachi a chance to respond, just dips out before the bomb of his nonexistent lovelife can continue blowing up in his face. He cuts through the crowd easily and no one stops him as he slips out the door. It’s definitely for the best as the moment he gets outside and far enough for the bar he turns and pukes harder than he has in years. </p><p><em> So much for playing it cool</em>, he thinks sourly, wiping at his mouth with a grimace. It takes an excruciatingly long time before Shisui feels well enough to make the walk back to his hotel room, but he supposes it doesn’t much matter. </p><p>In the end, he’s got no one but himself to blame.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Self-loathing, Shisui thinks later that evening while sprawled across his temporary bed, is a lot like rolling a boulder down a hill: once the motherfucker gains traction, it takes a veritable act of God to stop it.</p><p>After stumbling away from a pile of his own vomit, there were two choices Shisui could make regarding how to spend the rest of his evening. The first option was to return to his room, attempt to get some sleep, and then tackle all of his issues in the morning when he was sober and relatively well-rested. The second option was to acquire as much liquor as he could physically carry and drink it until he made himself so depressed he wanted to jump off a cliff.</p><p>Naturally, he chose the second option. </p><p>Before he entered the Academy and remade himself into a starry-eyed and studious golden boy, Shisui had been, to put it bluntly, a fucking disaster of a person. His early teen years were a frenzied blur of anger and partying; Shisui entered the world around him as if it had attacked him and he intended to return the favor. Anko, with her stolen cigarettes and broken family, had been a willing and eager accomplice, and together the two of them tore through Boston like they intended to burn it to the ground. Their reign of terror didn’t end until one morning Shisui found his mother sitting at their kitchen table, holding onto a mug of coffee for dear life and looking more tired than he’d ever seen her. He sat across from her, bracing for yet another lecture or screaming match. But instead she simply stared at him, the shadows under her eyes dark as bruises, and said, “You know who you’ll become if you stay like this.”</p><p>Shisui suspects it would have hurt less if she had smashed her mug over his stupid little teenage head, but he can’t deny the words had their intended effect. In the blink of an eye Shisui was cleaning his act up (as was Anko, because theirs was a very monkey-see, monkey-do friendship, even if she reacted with much less enthusiasm and much more complaining) and working to get his life back together. Months later, with his reputation improved and his grades back on track, he decided to take a chance and apply to Starfleet Academy. </p><p>It was a silly gambit to chase his childhood ambitions, one he honestly never expected to pay off, so color Shisui <em> exceedingly </em> surprised when he received his acceptance letter. In months he and Anko were whisked off to San Francisco to start anew, and as soon as they landed on the West Coast Shisui was aglow at the chance to change his whole life. He could be somebody new, he reasoned, somebody <em> better </em>. He could forget his shitty former self and his shitty father and become all the good things that neither he or his dad ever seemed capable of accomplishing. For nearly a decade and a half he’s played the part of the loose cannon with a heart of gold, charming and loyal and delightful, and he’s done it so well he’d almost convinced himself it was real.</p><p>Almost.</p><p>The truth is that Ino was even more wrong about him than she could know: Shisui’s never been a good person and he probably never will be. He’s always used the people around him, and even if it wasn’t a conscious decision he’s always lied to them, because everything <em> about </em> him is a lie. And, as Anko told him so many years ago, he’s always wanted things he can’t have, things that never belonged to him in the first place. Added all together, his failings are starkly obvious. </p><p>At this rate, his mother’s words seem less like a warning and more like a prophecy, because despite all the effort he’s put in and all the running he’s done in the end it seems like he’s destined to turn into his father after all. </p><p>Hours later, a knock at his door snaps Shisui out of his stupor. Of course, because there is no God or mercy in the universe, the person he least wants to see is on the other side. “Captain?” Itachi asks. “Are you… May I come in?”</p><p>“If you must,” Shisui tells him with a sigh. It takes a moment before Itachi slowly opens the door, peeking his head inside with a cautious intent that would be hilarious in any other circumstance. But because Shisui is very drunk and very sad it is, in fact, not hilarious. Groaning, he drags himself into a sitting position, ignoring the way his head spins at the motion, and announces, “Welcome to my pity party.”</p><p>“I suppose my invitation was lost in the mail,” Itachi replies humorlessly. </p><p>“These shindigs tend to work best as a one-man affair,” Shisui retorts, just as unamused. Itachi lingers in the doorway for a moment, looking hopelessly out of place, before eventually deciding to sit beside Shisui on the bed. He maintains a respectable distance, which Shisui is grateful for as the chances of him either vomiting on Itachi or begging the man to love him are about equal right now. “Sooo, married,” he starts, attempting to sound casual and failing spectacularly. “That’s fun. It’s all… married.”</p><p>“I am not married,” Itachi points out in a strained tone of voice, as if Shisui is the one who’s been making goo-goo eyes at him for years while having a secret fiancee waiting in the wings. Which Shisui is not, by the way. That’s all Itachi. </p><p>“Not yet,” Shisui reminds, unimpressed by the semantics. “What’s she like, this future wife of yours? I mean, is she nice or pretty or…?”</p><p>“Quite frankly, I do not know much about her. Izumi and I have never been exceptionally close.”</p><p>Shisui scoffs, not even bothering to hide his unkindness. “How romantic.”</p><p>“‘Romance’ has never been the point of our engagement. Our betrothal was arranged by our families when we were children to strengthen ties between our clans.” Itachi pulls his folded legs to his chest and rests his chin on his knees; the gesture makes him seem much younger than he actually is and certainly more vulnerable than he should be around Shisui. “I am sorry I did not tell you sooner.”</p><p>“Don’t be. It’s none of my business.”</p><p>Itachi looks at him then, expression unreadable. “Isn’t it?” he asks softly.</p><p>It’s the closest they’ve ever come to ever addressing this… <em> thing </em> that’s between them. A suspicious part of Shisui wonders if the reason Itachi is doing so is because he suspects Shisui won’t remember this conversation in the morning. Then again, given his current state it’s admittedly a pretty fair assumption. He doesn’t know how to answer that question in a way that won’t dig his Itachi-shaped grave even further, so instead he decides to say nothing at all.</p><p>Itachi, on the other hand, is apparently bursting at the seams with things he wants to say. “Truth be told, it is an issue that I myself have tried not to give much thought to.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”</p><p>“Because on the long list of things I would like to do with my life ‘marrying someone I do not love’ does not rank high, if at all.”</p><p>The statement is the straw that breaks the camel’s--or Captain’s--back. It would be one thing--granted, a crappy and agonizing thing--if Itachi was deliriously happy with this woman (<em>Izumi</em>, Shisui thinks with an unreasonable amount of hatred) and happened to accidentally string Shisui’s clueless ass along. But that’s not what’s happening at all, and the fact that Itachi wholly intends to go through with this sham marriage because he’s an honorable little idiot makes Shisui want to scream. So he does scream, just a little. Well, it’s more like enunciating really strong, a feat of wonder in his current state. “Then don’t,” he says fiercely. “Don’t marry her. Your dad married your mom, didn’t he? Caused a whole lot of mess, yeah, but he still did it, so why not--”</p><p>“If only it were that simple.” Itachi smiles, the gesture small and sad. “There are expectations that have been placed upon my shoulders, commitments I cannot so easily break. That is precisely <em> why </em> I must uphold my commitment to Izumi, because all of Vulcan society waits for me to fail them.” It’s horrible to hear Itachi talk like that, and it just gets worse when he adds, “When I left my home to accompany you on your journey, my father made it quite clear that once our five year expedition was over I was to return to Vulcan and finally fulfil my promise to Izumi. According to him I have been putting it off for far too long.”</p><p>“Oh, fuck that shit, Itachi!” Shisui snaps, anger burning in his blood right along with the copious amounts of alcohol he’s consumed. “You don’t owe those people anything when all they’ve ever done is make you feel like you’re not good enough for them. And frankly it’s dumb as hell to go crawling back for more when they’re never, <em> ever </em> going to accept you.” </p><p>The silence that breaks across the room is deafening. “I am glad to know you think so highly of me,” Itachi finally replies, cold as ice. He looks at Shisui like he’s never fucking met him for exactly one second before he starts to leave, and that’s when Shisui panics. </p><p>“Wait,” he says, reaching for Itachi’s hand, just as Itachi did to him all those months ago. It’s inappropriate and Shisui knows it’s inappropriate, but Itachi doesn’t shake him off. So he tightens his grip and continues, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant… You should stay where you belong, where no one’s ever going to make you be something you’re not or do something you don’t want to. So just… just stay on the Corvus with--” <em> Me</em>, Shisui wants to finish, wants to beg. <em> Stay with me. I love you, so please, please fucking stay with me</em>. </p><p>But he doesn’t. Figuring he’s made enough of a fool of himself for one evening, he simply lets Itachi’s hand drop and mutters, “Forget it. Like I said before, none of my business.” </p><p>Itachi watches him again with that stupid face that Shisui can’t for the life of him understand. It’s almost like Shisui’s broken his heart, which is fucking rich if that’s the case. Eventually, he says, “For many years, I convinced myself that it was not a terrible fate to be betrothed to someone. Whenever I questioned my father’s choice, whenever I cursed him for it, I reminded myself that it was not impossible for me to fall in love with Izumi. It was easier when I was younger, when I did not know about such matters. But now…” He shakes his head, his expression pinched. “Even if I had such an interest in women--which I regrettably do not--I suspect I could not love her, not in the way a wife deserves to be loved.”</p><p>It’s a sad state of affairs that Shisui can’t even appreciate finally being able to confirm that Itachi’s gay. “All the more reason not to wife her, then.”</p><p>“Unfortunately neither Izumi nor myself have a say in the matter, so wife her I must.”</p><p>The fatalism in Itachi’s voice manages to puncture Shisui’s defenses, and he feels his self-righteous anger deflate like the world’s saddest balloon. There’s nothing about this situation that he can take pleasure in, not a single fact that isn’t completely shitawful, and it’s all so fucked up it leaves Shisui genuinely exhausted. Without thinking, he leans across the space between them and rests his head on Itachi’s bony shoulder. “I still like my plan better,” he mutters petulantly, eyes falling closed. </p><p>Itachi chuckles, the sound a low and rough song that pulls Shisui under the waves of sleep. “As do I,” he murmurs, and though Shisui is probably imagining it he’s almost positive he feels Itachi’s fingers combing through his hair. “Very much.”</p><p>There isn’t anything left to say after that, though that’s mostly because Shisui promptly passes the fuck out almost immediately. Given the events of the evening, it’s probably the best outcome either of them could have hoped for.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>While Shisui has long suspected that Itachi is a far better person than himself, his suspicion is confirmed the next morning when he wakes up carefully placed on his side with the hotel room trashcan just below his head. He has a single moment to be touched by Itachi’s concern before the worst hangover he has ever had slams into his skull and he wonders if today is the day he finally kicks the bucket.</p><p>Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) the universe is not done with Shisui Uchiha yet, and he manages to pull himself together long enough to shower before dragging his belongings to the lobby to check-out. </p><p>Anko’s already waiting downstairs when Shisui wanders in, her limbs haphazardly flung around an overstuffed leather chair, and she looks at him like a cat that caught the world’s saddest, drunkest canary as he makes the walk of shame over to her. “Oh, my God,” she says, taking in his bloodshot eyes and massive frown with an unholy joy, “you got <em> wasted</em>, didn’t you?” </p><p>“I wish I was dead,” Shisui replies with fake cheer, slamming his bags on the ground as he takes the seat next to her. Everything is way too loud and way too bright, and he looks up at the ceiling lights as if they’ve personally come to assassinate him. </p><p>“Where the hell did you fuck off to last night? One second you were at the bar publicly shaming yourself by flirting with your First Officer and the next the green bean said you booked it.”</p><p>Shisui grimaces. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he mutters, which is an understatement; considering he’s spent the morning repressing every horrible second of the night before the absolute last thing he wants to do is rehash his totally catastrophic behavior.</p><p>Some of the mirth leaves Anko’s face, which is honestly way more dangerous than her usual sadistic mocking. If Anko actually acts like a real friend Shisui will positively lose it. “Did something happen?” she asks seriously, so of course Shisui has no choice but to positively lose it.</p><p>Leaning forward, he hisses, “Gee, I don’t know, Anko. Maybe it was the fact that a decrepit Starfleet politician has decided to wreck my entire career for shits and giggles? Or maybe it was the fact that my estranged father decided to have a fucking heart attack and even after a week I still don’t know how the hell I feel about? Ooh, I know: maybe it’s the fact that last night I had the pleasure of finding out the guy I’m in love with--the guy I was pretty sure was into me, too--got fucking baby engaged to a woman he doesn’t even want to marry? Seriously, take your pick, because right now I honestly don’t know what’s worse.”</p><p>For the first time in the history of their friendship, Anko is speechless. “I really don’t know what I’m supposed to say here,” she finally admits, her features frozen in shock, before curiously asking, “‘Baby engaged?’”</p><p>“Drop it,” Shisui tells her seriously, and is surprised that she actually listens to him. Sometimes Shisui forgets Anko’s a better person than she appears, mostly because she goes out of her way to make people forget about this fact. In that way he supposes she’s the inverse of Shisui himself: while he tries and tries to get people to like him to win their approval, Anko prefers to scorch the earth around her to keep people away and avoid the sting of ever losing anyone’s favor. But in her mind Shisui’s different, in the way that they’ve always been different with each other, so it’s not entirely unexpected when she reaches out and squeezes his hand just once before falling away entirely. </p><p>The conversation is mercifully extinguished as more and more members of the Corvus pour into the lobby, each one looking worse than the last. Shisui spots Sakura and Ino in the crowd looking exceptionally chummy and even in his bitter, loveless state he summons up the strength to be happy for them. Eventually Itachi’s face appears on the staircase, and Shisui feels his stomach flipflop for reasons unrelated to his hangover. The Vulcan’s dark eyes scan the group intently, clearly searching for Shisui, and relief colors his expression when he sees him. But that’s as much interaction as they have; for once, they don’t gravitate towards each other like magnets, and the empty space at Shisui’s side is aching. </p><p>It’s a thing of mercy when Shisui <em> finally </em> gets the call that the Corvus is ready to take flight once more. He listens with as much enthusiasm as he can muster as the Lead Engineer explains all the repairs that have been performed and what to look out for, but more than anything he’s preoccupied by Itachi, who has materialized to look over the paperwork and generally make Shisui miserable with his very existence. Shisui provides all the necessary signatures and shakes all the necessary hands and then they’re off, back in the sky like nothing at all happened.</p><p>Itachi waits until they’re deep in space and Shisui is significantly more functional before he initiates the dreaded conversation. Shisui’s in his office, attempting to ignore his wretched migraine by focusing on stringing together a Captain’s Log, when Itachi lets himself in without permission. It’s a brand new occurrence, and Shisui’s shocked enough that he actually looks up to meet Itachi’s eyes.</p><p>It’s a mistake he regrets almost immediately, because Itachi looks so fucking bummed out that Shisui wants to jump into the blackness of space and end it all. “I hope I am not intruding,” he says quietly.</p><p>Shisui shakes his head, then winces almost instantly; yet another mistake to throw on the pile. “You’re not,” he assures, closing his computer to give Itachi his full attention. “What’s on your mind?”</p><p>“I wanted to apologize for my behavior.”</p><p>Confused, Shisui asks, “The behavior that was you being way too nice to me when I was a drunken mess?” </p><p>Itachi frowns. “No,” he replies, “not that.” Shisui waits for the explanation to come, but it never does. Instead, Itachi simply stares at him, as if he can somehow psychically project the words into Shisui’s head, but last time Shisui checked Vulcan mind-melds don’t work that way. </p><p>That stupid lump crawls up his throat again, and Shisui’s eyes drop to his desktop. “Look, it’s not…” He starts, but just like Itachi he finds he can’t get the words out. It’s almost ironic, given how much their communication has improved since they first began working together. A million things lay between them and neither one of them can say a single thing. “You’re fine, okay? Everything’s fine.”</p><p>“If you are sure.” Though Itachi sounds unconvinced, he isn’t eager to push the issue; perhaps he wants to believe the lie as badly as Shisui does.</p><p>“Yeah,” Shisui says, “I’m sure.” </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>After their non-conversation, one thing becomes painfully clear to Shisui: they really can’t go on like this.</p><p>For a single, wild moment he almost considers giving up his post, because he’s got some serious concerns about his ability to be the objective and clear-headed Captain he knows his ship needs. It’s a drastic step that would cause a lot of complicated fallout on the Corvus, which is why Shisui mentally takes the idea and puts it inside an “in case of emergency” jar, setting it aside for a rainier day. Right now uprooting his entire crew probably isn’t the best plan of attack, but he’s not so stubborn and prideful that he’ll rule the decision out entirely. </p><p>That said, it’s clear that some changes need to be made, which is why Shisui decides to work backwards and rebuild the professional walls between himself and Itachi that have come crumbling down over the last two years. It’s an act he takes no pleasure in, but his own unhappiness doesn’t change the fact that it’s a necessary evil. If they’re going to continue working together with any type of success, it’s time for Shisui to be way less of a friend/pining jackass and way more of a boss/not pining jackass.</p><p>On the surface, it would seem as if nothing really shifts between them: they still spend most of their time together and operate as a single, highly effective unit, engaging in friendly banter as they go along. However, to Shisui the distance between them is painfully obvious. It’s obvious in the way he scoots back if Itachi gets too close to him and it’s obvious in the way that Itachi’s smiles never really reach his eyes when he’s looking at Shisui. Overall, it straight up sucks.</p><p>Each time his misery at the change flares up--twisting like broken glass between his ribs--Shisui reminds himself of the fact that it’s the only way to keep Itachi in his life, at least for now. Once this is all over Itachi will go back to Vulcan and marry Izumi (Shisui’s working on trying not to be bitter; he’s <em> really </em> trying), and Shisui will continue drowning every emotion he’s ever had in an ocean of Starfleet bullshit. It isn’t fair or kind to watch Itachi with hearts in his eyes and smother the poor guy with the feelings he knows Itachi doesn’t have for him. So, for right now it’s okay that it’s weird and that it hurts, because eventually his lovesick insanity will pass and he can go back to being a decent and reliable figure in Itachi’s life. That is, if Itachi even still wants him around after this mess of a mission is all over with. </p><p>The whole plot is very logical, very Vulcan-y, and Itachi would probably be proud of if Shisui let him in on the ruse. Of course, Shisui never gets the chance to impress Itachi with his rationale, as it takes approximately two days before his brilliant “ignore Itachi until he either falls out of love with him or their mission abruptly ends” plan completely goes to hell.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It’s the middle of the night when someone decides to break down Shisui’s door.</p><p>The aggressive sound of pounding drags Shisui back to consciousness, and he groans as the noise only gets louder and faster. “‘M coming,” he mutters, blindly searching in the dark for his clothes. The answer apparently isn’t good enough for his would-be intruder, as the knocking remains as relentless as before, and Shisui spitefully decides that whoever has decided to mess with his sleep schedule is just going to have to deal with him answering in nothing but his underwear. </p><p>Yanking the door open, he snarls, “For fuck’s sake, <em> what</em>?” and is wholly unprepared to see his First Officer standing on the other side. </p><p>So much for his brilliant streak of nudity.</p><p>Shisui has exactly one moment to regret not putting pants on before he really gets a look at Itachi. The man is wide-eyed and pale, the green of his skin unnaturally sallow, and his shoulders are faintly shaking. Frowning, Shisui asks, “Itachi? You okay?”</p><p>“I am afraid I have to leave the Corvus,” Itachi replies almost immediately, his voice thin and trembling, and that’s about when Shisui stops hearing anything at all.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>funnily enough, when i plotted the fic out this chapter was supposed to be a shorter, breather chapter.</p><p>it, uh. it didn't turn out that way.</p><p>not much to say this time except thanks for reading and also sorry! catch me on tumblr @astoldbygingersnaps and see you for the finale of part two!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Once again he finds himself marveling at the way Shisui can give himself so easily, how he offers Itachi his bruised and tender heart on a platter all the while knowing Itachi is destined to break it. He wishes, with a fierce desire that leaves him almost breathless, that he could return the favor, because Itachi is fairly certain that there is nothing in life he has ever wanted more than the chance to give Shisui every piece of himself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>pretty significant content warning for in-depth discussions of the effects and fallout of cancer, plus death and grieving, so please proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>stardate 2266.31</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“You’re distracted today.” </p><p>Itachi looks up from his untouched plate to meet his mother’s kind, dark eyes. Once again it is just the two of them at the dinner table, as his father is working late and Sasuke is… doing whatever is it Sasuke has decided to do with his life these days. Normally Itachi values these moments with Mikoto, as their evening meal is usually the only time where he can step away from his job and relax. Tonight, however, he finds himself unwillingly preoccupied by the day’s earlier events. “I suppose I am,” he eventually replies, setting his fork down to focus on his mother. “Forgive me.”</p><p>“No forgiveness necessary,” Mikoto assures before wryly adding, “Recently I’ve gotten used to having only half of your attention at any given moment.”</p><p>Warm embarrassment pricks at the tips of Itachi’s ears. “How pragmatic.” </p><p>Mikoto smiles at him, fond and indulgent. “What’s on your mind?” </p><p>Itachi tamps down a frown. What, indeed. There are a variety of answers he could give. As always he’s consumed with his work; ever since his graduation from Starfleet he has lived with one foot in the lab even on the rare occasions he’s miles and miles away from the Science Sector. He has also become increasingly preoccupied with his brother’s irrational moods and difficulty assimilating into Vulcan society. And, of course, there’s the matter of his mother’s illness, the way the hollows beneath her eyes are currently highlighted by the warm lamplight of his childhood home. </p><p>But instead of choosing any of those valid answers, Itachi leads with what he believes to be the most trivial concern of all: “I received a proposition today.”</p><p>“Oh?” she asks, raising a curious eyebrow. </p><p>Immediately he feels foolish and wishes he said nothing at all. But he knows his mother well enough to expect that she will not drop his admission so easily. So Itachi continues, rather unwillingly, “I was offered a position on a ship--First Officer, in fact.”</p><p>Mikoto’s eyes light up, bright as stars, as she beams at him. “Really? Itachi, that’s fantastic! Congratulations.”</p><p>“No such thing is in order,” he says stiffly, looking away from the open happiness on her face. “I do not intend to accept.”</p><p>“That’s… surprising,” she replies slowly, her joy melting into confusion. “You’ve always wanted to serve on a ship.”</p><p>The reminder of his fruitless, childish wish only worsens Itachi’s mood. The universe around him, dark and beautiful and endless, had captured Itachi’s fascination at a young age. It was a passion sparked by the woman currently sitting across from him, who never refused his requests to hear about her studies and allowed him to read the many, <em> many </em> books she authored on the subject. Vividly he remembers the hours they spent on the roof of their home, huddled together under a layer of blankets to hide from the cold desert nights as Mikoto named every constellation she knew. It was the first time Itachi felt connected to someone outside himself, to a world so much bigger than he was. Frankly, it was the first time Itachi truly felt anything at all.</p><p>But those days, he reminds himself with a cruel little twist, are long gone, and Itachi’s hopes and dreams are gone with them. </p><p>“True, but my desire to serve on this particular ship is slim to none, given that I do not approve of its Captain,” Itachi tells her, scowling as Shisui Uchiha’s uncomfortably friendly face pops into his mind. “In fact, I would honestly rather perish than spend another minute in that man’s company.” </p><p>Mikoto purses her lips in a poorly disguised attempt at smothering a laugh. “How uncharacteristically hyperbolic of you.”</p><p>Objectively, he can acknowledge the truth of such a statement. Itachi can take or leave many of the people he has encountered in his life, reserving a small space within his heart exclusively for his family. But Shisui, he thinks darkly, has always been different. At the risk of being melodramatic, Itachi believes that he needs to spend five years in space following that careless, irresponsible, utterly incorrigible <em> man </em> like he needs a hole punctured through his frontal lobe. “Regardless of my feelings on the Captain, the proposition itself is of no consequence. We both know that my place is on Vulcan.”</p><p>Regrettably, the words do not have their intended effect. In hindsight, Itachi supposes he should have predicted this would happen, as his mother’s vibrant personality always seems to dim whenever he expresses such sentiments. “Is that what you want?” she asks softly. </p><p>“It is what is required of me,” Itachi answers, almost instantly. He can tell by the look on her face it isn’t the response she wanted to hear, which is a frustrating thing to witness. They both know that Itachi’s fate was decided for him at an early age, which is all the more reason for her to accept this fact as Itachi himself has. Hoping to reassure her, he adds, “I am happy to do my duty here.” </p><p>“Itachi,” she begins, but he shakes his head.</p><p>“Please do not trouble yourself over this matter any further, Mother. Let us continue to eat and speak no more of it.”</p><p>Mikoto’s expression softens into a frequent display of hers, one Itachi has never fully understood. She looks sad, he thinks, but that’s not all. “Okay,” she says reluctantly. “If you really don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to.”</p><p>Idly, he considers telling her the truth, but quickly dismisses the idea as he suspects it will only make his mother feel worse. The truth is that Itachi doesn’t particularly want anything, having stamped banal instincts like desire and longing out of himself many years ago. Many would consider such an undertaking cold, but to Itachi it seemed like a very practical solution to a seemingly impossible problem.</p><p>After all, he thinks, looking at Mikoto’s thin wrists and her limp black hair, if never wanted in the first place he would never have to live with the pain of losing that which he cared for. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>stardate 2268.53 </b>
</p><p> </p><p>It is the worst type of irony that Itachi learns of his mother’s impending death on the two year anniversary of the Corvus’ launch. </p><p>While Itachi has always believed that the universe leans more towards indifference than malice, his faith in this assumption is tested when he receives his father’s message. Already Itachi is feeling off-kilter and out of sorts, as the events on the Beta Spaceport have taken a greater toll on him than he would care to admit. It feels incredibly unfair, if not entirely self-centered, to be affected by such occurrences when each and every problem that has arisen from that evening is all Itachi’s fault. He’s wholly to blame for the stilted way Shisui now speaks to him, how the man can’t seem to meet his eye for more than a few seconds without quickly glancing away. In the end, he supposes it’s only fitting, as he’s also wholly to blame for the fact that soon his mother, the first person who ever tried to understand him and the only one who has ever unconditionally accepted him, will soon be gone from this world.</p><p>The moment he glimpses his father’s face on his PADD Itachi knows exactly what the conversation they are about to have will be about. “What has happened?” he demands, forgoing the usual pleasantries as fear takes the place of air in his lungs. </p><p>Fugaku’s face is as empty as ever, his features forming the carefully controlled mask that Itachi has spent a lifetime hating and envying in equal parts. In this moment he is leaning far closer to hatred, especially when his father says, in a placid tone of voice, “I am afraid your mother does not have long to live.” </p><p>Itachi closes his eyes, because he fears that if he looks at his father’s emotionless expression any longer he will shatter the device he’s currently gripping for dear life. “That is impossible,” he retorts. “I just spoke to Mother only a week ago and she was--” Itachi thinks of Mikoto’s face, desperately combing his memory for some confirmation of his father’s words, but nothing comes. Their call had been as lovely and unremarkable as all the rest, alternating between Itachi quizzing her on her health and Mikoto quizzing Itachi on his recent adventures in return. “She was fine,” he finishes quietly, trying to ignore the crack in his voice as he speaks.</p><p>“She lied to you,” Fugaku explains, and Itachi's eyes snap open. </p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because she, in her words, ‘did not want you to throw your life away for hers,’” his father recites, and if he has any particular opinion on the matter he does not make it known. “Your mother knew that you would leave your position the moment you learned of her condition.”</p><p>“Of course I would!” Itachi cries. This time Fugaku does react, his brows creasing ever so slightly at the outburst. Inhaling harshly through his nose, Itachi tries to regain his self-control before he speaks again. “How long until she… How much time does she have?”</p><p>“According to her physicians, two weeks if we are lucky.” Even after years of knowing that it would come to this, years spent making peace with and preparing for his loss, somehow nothing about this conversation feels real to Itachi. Brushing over his son’s distress, Fugaku asks, “Will you be returning to Vulcan to see her?”</p><p>“Yes, but I do not know when we will arrive,” he replies numbly. “I will need to speak with the Captain before making any decisions.”</p><p>“Understood. Please keep me updated on your plans.”</p><p>“I will, Father.”</p><p>Seemingly satisfied, Fugaku nods before disconnecting the call, and Itachi stares at the vacant screen of his PADD.</p><p>Right now he feels, quite honestly, crazed. There’s no other word for the staticky panic in his head, or the tremors in his hands, or the way he moves in a blind rush to get to Shisui’s quarters. Even with the late hour and the current state of their relationship, Itachi knows that he needs to see him.</p><p>Shisui, however, has zero insight to his inner turmoil, and is suitably annoyed as he flings open his door. Of course, all anger drains from him the moment he takes in Itachi’s no doubt disheveled appearance. “Itachi?” he asks warily. “You okay?”</p><p>The words spill out his mouth before he even realizes he’s speaking. “I am afraid I have to leave the Corvus,” he replies, hating the way Shisui’s expression instantly morphs into something equal parts fearful and wounded. </p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“I received a transmission from my father,” Itachi says, feeling an innumerable amount of distance from his own body, “about my mother.”</p><p>Recognition fills Shisui’s face. “Shit,” he murmurs, roughly scrubbing at his hair before he tells Itachi, “Look, wait here a sec. Pretty sure I don’t want to be pantsless for this conversation.”</p><p>It says a lot about Itachi’s current mental state that until it was directly pointed out to him he was fully unaware that a man he’s spent a year lusting after was standing in front of him nearly naked. Keeping his eyes firmly focused on Shisui’s face--which is rapidly starting to color--Itachi nods in agreement. In seconds Shisui disappears and Itachi listens as he fumbles through his quarters and curses himself for his slovenly habits. Despite the aching pressure in his chest, something inside Itachi’s heart sweetens at the sound. It isn’t long before the Captain reappears in the doorway, thankfully covered in sweatpants and what appears to be an ancient tshirt, to beckon Itachi inside.</p><p>Itachi can clearly remember the few times he has actually been inside Shisui’s personal quarters. Even after their relationship improved--<em> especially </em>after their relationship improved, frankly--Itachi took great care to keep most of their dealings confined to open, professional spaces, fearing that the more they entered the intimate places of each other’s lives the less likely it would become that they could return unscathed. The same reasoning accounted for Itachi’s stubborn insistence on addressing Shisui by his title rather than his name; in his mind, to speak to Shisui so casually would only shine a light on all the things Itachi wanted from him that he could never have.</p><p>Feeling hesitant and more than a little self conscious, Itachi opens his mouth to apologize for his actions. But Shisui knows him all too well and narrows his eyes in response to the words not spoken aloud. “If you say ‘I’m sorry’ to me right now I can’t be held responsible for my actions,” he says, and Itachi’s jaw closes with a click. “Sit,” Shisui tells him, his voice just shy of an order, and with a small sigh Itachi perches on the edge of his bed. The sheets are still warm with Shisui’s body heat, and Itachi’s stomach clenches at the feel of them beneath his palms. After a moment, Shisui settles beside him, closer to Itachi than he’s been since the incident between them days ago, and waits for him to explain. </p><p>It feels as if hours pass before Itachi finally says anything, but Shisui remains patient, content to let him take his time. “Her condition is significantly worse than I believed it was,” he eventually informs the man next to him, his gaze shifting to the wall in front of them. “She does not have long to… It won’t be long.”</p><p>“You didn’t know?” Shisui replies, not unkindly, and Itachi shakes his head.</p><p>“Apparently Mother did not want me to, as she wished for me to stay here. To be happy.” The irony of this discussion, in light of the recent argument they had regarding this exact topic, is not lost on Itachi. </p><p>Fortunately, Shisui’s far too polite to connect the dots. “Jesus,” he breathes, sounding genuinely upset, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It is not as if this is a surprising turn of events,” Itachi reasons. “Our family knew that this day would come.”</p><p>“Doesn’t make it any easier, though.”</p><p>“No,” he agrees, tonelessly, “it does not.” </p><p>After a moment of obvious deliberation Shisui reaches over to lightly rest his hand against the small of Itachi’s back. There was a time when such a gesture would have made him stiffen in discomfort or pull away in disgust, but that time is long behind them. Now, Itachi leans into his touch, grateful for the support. He can feel the tiniest bit of tension leave his body as Shisui rubs circles on his back, slow and soothing. A lifetime passes between them before Shisui asks, “What do you want to do?” </p><p>“I have to go back, for the…” Itachi can’t even force himself to say the word. “I have to see her.” </p><p>“Yeah, of course,” Shisui agrees immediately, “anything you need.” A small frown pulling at the corners of his lips, he continues, unsure, “What about after?”</p><p>Itachi looks at him, brows drawn together in questioning. “After?” </p><p>“Do you want to come back or would you rather stay with your family?” </p><p>Belatedly, it occurs to Itachi what Shisui is actually talking about and why he is being so cautious. He feels foolish for not understanding sooner, but in his current state it’s as if the entire world is underwater and he’s bobbing along the tide, desperately trying to keep his head above the sea. Looking at their situation, he isn’t sure what’s more painful: the fact that Shisui is so convinced Itachi will abandon him at a moment’s notice, or the fact that eventually Itachi will be forced to do just that. </p><p>Pulling himself from his thoughts, he replies, “At this moment I have no plans to stay on my homeworld.”</p><p>Shisui sighs harshly, looking momentarily relieved and no doubt beating himself up for feeling so. He pulls away from Itachi and the place where his hand once rested feels empty and cold. Sounding pensive, he says, “Well, it’ll take some arm-twisting and maybe a bribe or two, but I’m pretty sure I can sweet talk Command into stationing us on Vulcan for a bit.”</p><p>The thought alone of such a grand and perhaps politically dangerous gesture has Itachi grimacing in discomfort. In truth, he should have known that Shisui would jump to this exact conclusion, and regret for ever darkening the man’s doorstep tightens his throat. “While I greatly appreciate the offer, such an action is unnecessary. I do not want you to uproot our entire mission for my sake.” </p><p>“Are you insane?” The look Shisui is currently giving him suggests he already has the answer to his question. “I’m not going to let you go through this alone.” </p><p>“Captain, please,” Itachi insists, loathing the raspy whisper of his voice. “I cannot ask such a thing of you.”</p><p>“Good thing I’m volunteering, then,” Shisui retorts, and by the stubborn set of his features Itachi suspects that any further resistance will be absolutely futile. </p><p>It is, in Itachi’s opinion, unspeakably selfish and cruel to allow Shisui to care for him. But try as he might, Itachi can’t bring himself to refuse his companionship. In the current whirlwind of emotions he finds himself unprepared to face, he simply cannot imagine a world without Shisui at his side. “Truth be told, I am not so sure I can bear this without you,” he admits after a significant silence, and Shisui gazes at him with an unbearable fondness. </p><p>“Then I’m all yours,” the man replies softly, and the words leave Itachi speechless. Once again he finds himself marveling at the way Shisui can give himself away so easily, how he offers Itachi his bruised and tender heart on a platter all the while knowing Itachi is destined to break it. He wishes, with a fierce desire that leaves him almost breathless, that he could return the favor, because Itachi is fairly certain that there is nothing in life he has ever wanted more than the chance to give Shisui every piece of himself. </p><p>But such an action is impossible in their world, the world where Itachi is promised to another and even if he were not an ocean of Starfleet regulations divide them. So, instead of professing his true emotions, Itachi simply mumbles, quiet and inadequate, “Thank you.” </p><p>Shisui smiles at him, the expression gentle and warm. “Anytime.” </p><p>There are no more words spoken between them after that. Shisui steps away to make the necessary calls to Starfleet Command, though he refuses to let Itachi leave as he does so. It’s oddly touching to watch him reappear from the recreational area of his cabin, eyes sharp and anxious, to make sure Itachi is right where he left him. Following the pattern of the night thus far, Itachi stays put, feeling himself lulled into a reluctant comfort by the sound of Shisui’s voice. With all his frantic, ugly sentiments momentarily purged he feels drained, his head equal parts heavy and empty. After an hour of listening to Shisui’s verbal battles he finds himself curling up on the man’s bed, eyelids falling closed as he finally succumbs to his own exhaustion. He stirs exactly once, leaning into the phantom sensation of Shisui’s fingers combing through his hair, but dismisses it as nothing more than the result of wishful thinking. It certainly would not be the first time he has dreamt of Shisui, and Itachi highly doubts it will be the last.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Dread presses against Itachi’s chest as, less than three days after receiving his father’s call, the Corvus enters Vulcan’s atmosphere. </p><p>He does not know exactly what it is Shisui told the crew to explain their sudden reassignment, but Itachi suspects that whatever he said had at least a hint of the truth woven into it. While he has recently limited the time he has spent amongst his comrades, a few of the crewmembers Itachi considers himself closely acquainted with have reached out to him in various yet telling ways: Sakura and Ino have both privately approached him to offer him a chance to confide in them should he require it; Karin has taken on more duties in the lab; Kisame has made more frequent requests than usual to spar with him; and Kabuto has repeatedly looked at him oddly, seeming eager to speak with Itachi even though he is never quite able to get the words out. At a different point in his life Itachi would have reacted to such attention with harsh disdain, mistaking their care and sympathy for judgment and pity. Instead, he now gives them his gratitude, the depths of which he cannot properly express. Fortunately, the people around him know him well enough that such an inability is understood and accepted. </p><p>For his part, the Captain has continued the reign of overly protective terror that began the night that Itachi approached him about his current dilemma. Truthfully, Itachi doesn’t mind the attention, even if he feels a tad infantilized by Shisui’s micromanaging of his sleeping and eating habits. It is more that he doesn’t want Shisui to waste his time and effort on something so trivial; as it stands, it already feels as if Shisui is doing far too much for him. “I’m just worried about you,” Shisui had retorted, a bit defensively, when Itachi expressed this opinion earlier in the day. “Is it illegal for me to be concerned?”</p><p>“It very well may be,” Itachi tried to joke, realizing too late how such a comment might be misconstrued in light of certain developments between them. </p><p>Shisui’s expression tightened. “If you want me to back off…” </p><p>“I don’t,” Itachi replied immediately, and blessedly that was the end of that. </p><p>Currently Shisui is standing beside him on the bridge of the Corvus as Itachi watches the red sand and gleaming towers of his homeland come into view. “How are you doing?” he asks, quiet enough that only Itachi can hear him.</p><p>“I am terrified,” Itachi admits, “and also vaguely nauseous.” </p><p>Wordlessly, Shisui presses his shoulder against Itachi’s, and Itachi leans into the sharp lines of his body, feeling weak-kneed and grateful all at once. The anxious churning building inside him only strengthens the closer they get to the capital city, and by the time it’s time to deploy from the Corvus the sensation is almost overpowering.</p><p>In the interest of maintaining his family’s privacy, Itachi had requested for the Corvus to remain in orbit until he could meet with his father. Shisui accompanies him on the walk to the transporter and lingers as the beaming equipment is primed for his departure. “You’re sure you want to go alone?” he presses as Itachi steps onto the pad. Though he hasn’t been keeping an exact tally of the questioning, Itachi suspects it is at least the fifth time the Captain has asked him this.</p><p>“Yes,” Itachi replies. Quite honestly, as much as he would like to use Shisui as his sentient security blanket, there is far too much he needs to address with both of his parents and absolutely none of those issues require a witness.</p><p>Though he looks unsatisfied by the answer, Shisui accepts it. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me,” he says, adding, “Good luck.”</p><p>The beam wraps around him before Itachi can tell him that he will most certainly need it.</p><p>With pinpoint accuracy the transporter deposits Itachi directly in front of his family home. The land that has been in his bloodline for generations lies just outside the city limits and as such contains a more modest dwelling than recent Vulcan constructions. That said, the house is by no means small, and as a child Itachi often found himself feeling small and overwhelmed by the structure. Just looking at the tower’s carved stone, backlit by a blood red sky, fills Itachi with a heady rush of nostalgia and grief. Forcing himself to keep his breathing steady, he climbs the front steps and, knowing the entryway’s sensors will alert his family to his presence, waits for permission to enter. </p><p>Unsurprisingly it is his father who answers the door, though foolishly he had hoped to see Sasuke’s face instead. Darkly, Itachi thinks he will be lucky if his brother so much as looks at him throughout this entire miserable process. “You are early,” Fugaku greets him, opening the door, and Itachi nods as he steps inside. </p><p>“Our Chief Helm Officer wanted us to arrive as soon as possible,” he explains, more than a little amazed that they are even having this mundane conversation as his mother lays in bed wasting away. It all feels terribly normal, he thinks as he slips his shoes off and gently sets them on the garish rack Mikoto picked out years ago. If he pretends hard enough, he can tell himself that he’s merely home for a visit, just stopping by to say hello instead of returning to bid farewell. </p><p>“I trust you have been well?” Fugaku asks, and for a moment Itachi simply stares at him, unable to process the question. </p><p>His relationship with his father has never been a close one, by necessity as much as by design. The Vulcan Ambassador was always a busy man, devoted to his goals and ideals in exactly the manner his society demanded of him, which left precious little time for his two sons. While Vulcan parenting was never a terribly affectionate affair, Itachi couldn’t tell if his father was a colder patriarch than most or if his half-human heritage simply made him overly sensitive. Often he wondered if Fugaku would have ever desired children of his own were the expectations of carrying on their bloodline not so clear. It is one of the many mysteries he has regarding his heritage, as he’s never been able to wrap his mind around why his strict, traditional father caused an unfathomable scandal by breaking his childhood betrothal to marry Mikoto. Now more than ever Itachi wonders what exactly is going through Fugaku’s head as the man stands in front of him, seemingly unaffected by the slow, painful death of the woman he supposedly loves. </p><p>“Oddly enough, I have not been well,” Itachi retorts, his temper creeping into his words. The anger has been slowly building inside his gut, brewing like a brushfire, ever since he first received his father’s message, and as he stands before Fugaku he can feel it starting to burn. “In fact, I have been terrible. Would you like to know why?” </p><p>Fugaku purses his lips, clearly displeased by Itachi’s outburst. When he was younger the sight of that expression was enough for Itachi to drop everything and shift into a more agreeable, more appropriate, and more Vulcan version of himself. Staring at it at his current age only makes Itachi want to make his father’s disapproval even more severe. “Itachi,” his father warns, “you must control yourself.” </p><p>“Respectfully, I disagree,” Itachi says, not sounding especially respectful as he continues, “How could you ever think that this behavior was acceptable? Did you not raise me to always tell the truth no matter how difficult or inconvenient it was?”</p><p>“Your mother--” Fugaku starts, but Itachi cuts him off immediately.</p><p>“She is <em> sick</em>!” Itachi snaps, his tone strained. “With her condition being what it is there is no way she is thinking clearly. However, you appear to be just fine, and frankly, I would absolutely love to hear precisely what your excuse is.” </p><p>For the very first time Itachi sees something bright and furious flash in his father’s eyes. The moment passes quickly, as Fugaku stamps the emotion out as soon as it arises. Itachi waits for a rebuke, for some sort of punishment, but it never comes. Instead, his father replies, “I will not engage with you when you are acting so irrationally. If you would care to channel your feelings in a more productive fashion I suggest paying your mother a visit. She has certainly been expecting you.”</p><p>“Gladly,” Itachi says, and brushes past Fugaku without another word.</p><p>Climbing the stairs two at a time, it is not long before he arrives in front of the main bedroom. Even from outside he can hear the slow, steady beeping of machinery, and the sound makes his heart seize up. As he enters his parents’ room he is able to see all the little things that his mother’s illness has stolen from her, the telltale signs of sickness that couldn’t be conveyed through the screen of his PADD. She looks, to Itachi’s sorrow, awful. Her body is small and pale and weak, and the sight of her makes it feels as if his ribcage has been cracked in two. Covered in blankets, wires, and tubes, there’s barely anything left of his mother at all. </p><p>Swallowing thickly, Itachi very softly closes the bedroom door, careful not to wake the sleeping woman in front of him. The more he looks at Mikoto, the more the bitter cocktail of guilt and remorse rises in his throat. If he hadn’t been so preoccupied with his own life--with <em> Shisui</em>--perhaps he would have noticed sooner, would have been able to do something, <em> anything </em> to help his mother. Even though his ever faithful reasoning all but screams inside his head that such a fantasy is equal parts arrogant and unrealistic, his traitorous emotions can’t help but tell him otherwise. Though he knew this conclusion was inevitable, there was still a part of Itachi that had hoped, against all odds, to use his superior intelligence to conquer death itself. It would seem that all those months ago, Shisui was right: love is never logical, not even for Vulcans. </p><p>He does not know how much time passes before Mikoto eventually stirs. Her eyelids flutter as she wakes and her face softens as soon as her gaze finds Itachi standing stiff and still by the room’s entrance. “Let me guess,” she begins, voice barely above a whisper as she speaks, “you’re mad at me.” </p><p>“Is there a reason I should be?” Itachi asks flatly. “It is not as if you have lied to me about your health for months now, because if that were the case I imagine I would be quite angry.”</p><p>Mikoto’s eyebrows raise. “Don’t tell me you developed a sense of humor out there,” she teases. “That alone might be enough to kill me.” Itachi does not take the bait, and she sighs heavily, shifting into a sitting position. “If we’re going to fight will you at least come over here so I can get a good look at you?” </p><p>As a boy, Itachi was frequently mocked for his human mother and his unyielding attachment to her. While on Earth he heard such a phenomenon referred to as being a “momma’s boy,” and though the concept was always spoken of with sneering mockery he had never found the idea of respecting and loving a maternal figure to be something shameful. Very little has changed as he has grown, as in this moment and despite his anger Itachi does as Mikoto requests. He settles on the edge of his mother’s bed, submitting himself to her scrutiny. “You grew out your hair,” she says finally. “It suits you.”</p><p>Scowling, Itachi fiddles with his ponytail self-consciously. “I suspect Father does not agree with that assessment.”</p><p>“In case you haven’t noticed, your father can be dreadfully boring sometimes,” Mikoto replies with a grin, and Itachi cannot help but return the gesture. Even with the terrible circumstances that have brought them together Itachi feels a part of himself relax and uncurl in her presence, like a cat bathing in the sun. Though much of her seems dull and frail, a familiar humor sparkles in her eyes, as does her unbridled affection as she looks at her son. “Oh, I’ve missed that grumpy face of yours,” she adds, reaching up to pinch one of his cheeks. Itachi allows it, as he allows many things when it comes to the woman who gave birth to him. The words drain much of his frustration and fury, leaving him with only an aching sadness that feels even more frightening than his temper. </p><p>“You could have seen such a face much sooner had you confided in me how ill you were,” he points out, moving to take her hand between his own and suppressing a shudder at the feel of skin tightly stretched against the bones of her fingers. </p><p>“So you could do, what? Drop everything and race to my sickbed?”</p><p>“Yes,” Itachi answers immediately, and Mikoto laughs, the sound coarse and sticky.</p><p>“Not a chance.”</p><p>Itachi frowns. “What Father said was true, then,” he replies. “You lied in order to protect me from the truth.” </p><p>“You make me sound so devious, like some sort of criminal mastermind.” Mikoto looks away from him then, her eyes finding the crimson world outside her window. Something hazy and thoughtful lowers her lids and she asks, “Do you remember the day you left Vulcan for the Academy?” </p><p>Puzzled by the shift in their conversation, Itachi nods, waiting for an explanation. Smiling faintly, his mother turns back to gaze at him and continues, “You never actually told me, but I could tell you were so afraid to leave us. It was clear that you were worried you were making the wrong decision, that you were betraying your father, your culture. Sweetheart, you’ve always been like that, always so filled with concern and duty for others and never thinking about yourself. I knew that if I didn’t push you and <em> keep </em> pushing you’d never get what you wanted in life, and I couldn’t let that happen.” Her hand wraps around Itachi’s own with a surprising strength as she says, fiercely, “Because you should have everything you want, Itachi. You deserve it.”</p><p>“I cannot have everything I want if I cannot have you,” Itachi quietly tells her, hearing and hating the childishness of his tone. </p><p>“I know,” Mikoto murmurs, fondly patting his hand. “Believe me, an untimely death is not my ideal scenario, either. I’m afraid we just have to play the cards we’re dealt, little one.” </p><p>“Well, in my opinion the deck is atrocious,” Itachi replies thinly, and Mikoto chuckles.</p><p>“You sound like your father,” she says, “always so eager to defy the fates.”</p><p>“That would imply he actually cares about your current state.”</p><p>“Itachi,” his mother reprimands gently, “you must know that he does. Just because he isn’t showing his emotions doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Now more than ever I suspect he feels the need to cling to his Vulcan ideals to get him through this.” </p><p>“And Sasuke?” Itachi asks, more than a little wary of hearing the answer. “How has he reacted to… this?”</p><p>Mikoto grimaces. “Well, you know your brother,” she finally replies. “He’s always been a bit… reactive.”</p><p>“I believe that is putting it mildly.” His gaze flickers to his feet as he softly questions, “I take it he is still angry with me?”</p><p>“You can’t take it personally,” his mother says, essentially confirming his fear. “He doesn’t understand why you left, why all of this is happening.”</p><p>“I must confess that I do not understand it either,” Itachi admits, because he never has. For all his studying, all his knowledge, he has never known why something so wretched had to happen to a person who never deserved it. </p><p>“I don’t think we’re meant to,” Mikoto offers thoughtfully, and Itachi scoffs.</p><p>“Ridiculous,” he mutters, causing his mother to laugh.</p><p>“You really are your father’s son,” she notes, and only Mikoto could make such a statement sound like anything other than an insult. “Try to go easy on them, okay? Everyone’s doing their best right now.”</p><p>“I shall make no promises,” Itachi tells her seriously, even though they both know it’s a lie. For better or worse, in the end there’s very little Itachi won’t do for his mother. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>After spending an afternoon bathing in the natural, burning red sunlight of Vulcan the bright, sterile lights of the Corvus feel dizzying and off putting to Itachi. Once their conversation came to a natural conclusion it was not long before his mother drifted off again, leaving Itachi alone with his thoughts and his father.</p><p>Fortunately for Itachi, it was easier to speak to Fugaku with the memory of Mikoto’s soft voice and loving touch at the forefront of his mind. It also helped that Sasuke was still nowhere to be found, allowing Itachi and Fugaku time to make the necessary arrangements regarding Mikoto’s care and her passing. Though Itachi could hardly stand to think about such a thing, let alone discuss it, he pushed through his own turmoil in order to perform his duty as his family’s eldest son. To his father’s credit, Fugaku was insistent on performing the traditional Vulcan funeral rites for his wife regardless of how the rest of their species viewed such an action. The decision made Itachi think of his mother’s words, how convinced she was that her husband cared for her, and he found himself reconsidering some of his own deeply held preconceived notions about his father. Perhaps he did not know the man as well as he thought he did. </p><p>In another surprisingly thoughtful gesture, Fugaku was equally determined to offer the members of Itachi’s crew that most dear to him space in their home. “You should have access to their support, if you require it,” Fugaku explained, to which a shocked Itachi could say nothing at all. Instead, confident that Mikoto would not slip away in his brief absence, he rather quickly returned to his ship to offer said proposal to the Captain and the others. </p><p>It is quiet as he beams onboard the Corvus, almost unusually so. The majority of the people he spends his time with each day are absent as he walks the halls of the ship, searching for familiar faces. It takes some time, but eventually he realizes the reason for such disappearances as he nears the bridge. Through the frosted glass of the doors he can see the senior officers of the crew closely huddled together, appearing to be deep in conversation. Though faint, their muffled voices carry through the closed doors, and Itachi leans in closer to hear them more clearly.</p><p>“I still don’t like that we’re not there,” Ino says, mostly likely not for the first time, her arms crossed tight against her chest and her lips pulled into a frown. “We should be with him.”</p><p>“Itachi needs to be with his family right now,” Shisui replies, and for some reason the words send an uncomfortable pang through Itachi’s chest.</p><p>“But we’re his family, too,” Ino argues, persistent in a way that Itachi can’t help but smile at.</p><p>“Girl’s got a point,” Anko says. A significant silence falls and she adds, a bit snappily, “What, I can’t be nice every once in a while?”</p><p>“No,” Shisui, Ino, Asuma, and Kisame all deadpan, and that’s when Itachi decides to enter the room.</p><p>“I am inclined to agree,” he announces flatly and every head on the bridge swivels to look at him.</p><p>“Hey, buddy!” Kisame calls out happily from his position at Anko’s shoulder. “We definitely weren’t talking about you just now.”</p><p>“Smooth, Jaws,” Anko mutters, rolling her eyes, “real smooth.” </p><p>Ino all but runs over to Itachi, tightly grabbing at both of his upper arms. “Are you okay? Do you want to talk? Can we do anything?”</p><p>“Ino, let the man breathe,” Shisui says delicately before redirecting his attention to Itachi. “Why don’t we go take a walk?”</p><p>Feeling grateful for the interruption, Itachi nods and follows Shisui off the bridge. For a long stretch of time it is quiet between them, the only sound audible the beat of their shoes against the floor. Eventually Itachi tires of the dead air and asks, “You do not plan on questioning me?” </p><p>With a knowing smirk, Shisui replies, “After that lovely little greeting I figured it’d be best to let you start.”</p><p>“I am afraid I do not know what to say,” he admits.</p><p>Mercifully, Shisui takes the pressure off his shoulders. “How was your mom?”</p><p>“As well as a dying woman can be.” A vision of Mikoto’s frail wrist suddenly enters his mind, and Itachi tries not to wince. “She was happy to see me.”</p><p>“I bet,” Shisui says, like he can’t imagine anyone <em> not </em> being happy to see Itachi. It’s a little comical, especially considering his next question is, “What about the rest of your family?”</p><p>“They are regrettably less happy, though I suppose that is to be expected.” Grimly, Itachi explains, “We did not leave off on the best of terms when I left Vulcan to accompany you. It was quite tense amongst us when I visited last year, and I had no illusions that my absence would somehow make their hearts grow fonder.” </p><p>“Still, you can’t blame yourself for hoping it had.”</p><p>“Perhaps,” he allows, even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with Shisui’s sympathetic perspective. The mention of his family brings Itachi back to the other matter at hand. Pausing in the travels, he informs the Captain, “My father is grateful for what you have done to return me home for this occasion. He would like to offer you a place in our home for the time being as an expression of his gratitude.” </p><p>Shisui stares at him, eyebrows raised and mouth parted as he too comes to a halt. “Wow,” he says, after a beat. “That’s… nice of him. Any catches I should be aware of?”</p><p>“I do not believe so. It could be an attempt to win my favor, as I was rather… displeased with him, when I first arrived.”</p><p>“And you’re sure we wouldn’t be intruding? Seems like it’s a bit of a private time for you guys right now.”</p><p>Itachi takes a moment to consider that. In Vulcan culture it is uncommon to grieve communally, as outside of funerals mourning was always believed to be a process best dealt with privately. But his family is no ordinary Vulcan family, and Itachi is tired of aggressively clinging to every single one of his people’s beliefs even when they do not benefit him. “It is as Ino said,” he eventually replies, his gaze firmly glued to his feet. “The people on this ship are my family as well.” </p><p>An expression that is equal parts surprised and touched crosses Shisui’s face. “If that’s the case,” he says, warm brown eyes focused on Itachi, “I guess we’ll be crashing on Vulcan for a while.” </p><p>Relief bleeds through Itachi’s veins at the pronouncement, even if it’s accompanied by the familiar worry that once again he is asking for far too much from Shisui. But if that’s the case, Shisui does not behave in a way that would imply such a thing, seeming all too willing to reply to Itachi’s metaphorical command of “jump” with an immediate “how high?”</p><p>In the end, the two of them decide to take only a few members of the Corvus back to Vulcan with them. Ino is the first choice, as Itachi is almost certain that the Betazoid would fret herself into an early grave were she not invited. Sakura is another obvious selection, given Itachi’s friendship with her and how recently she and Ino have become quite literally attached at the hip. And, though it will probably go poorly, Itachi allows Kisame to invite himself along; while the potential of disaster remains high, if nothing else Kisame’s complete lack of propriety will ensure that Itachi will have something to focus on besides his impending loss. Both Asuma and Anko volunteer to remain onboard to ensure the Corvus continues to run smoothly in the absence of their crewmembers, though an incredibly awkward Anko coughs up what seems to be genuine condolences. </p><p>“Thank you, Mitarashi,” Itachi tells her sincerely, and Anko fidgets.</p><p>“Whatever,” she mutters, stomping away to find a task to drown her unpleasant and unwilling emotions in. </p><p>Feeling confident that the Corvus is in theoretically capable hands, their small group lands on Vulcan and almost immediately begins to splinter. While the unlikely trio of Ino, Sakura, and Kisame break off to see their domain for the foreseeable future, Itachi and Shisui find themselves face-to-face with the Ambassador himself. Though Itachi smiles fondly at Kisame’s complaints about the overwhelming heat (apparently the phrase “desert planet” did not accurately convey Vulcan’s climate to him), Fugaku looks decidedly less entertained by the display. Despite his seeming disapproval, he’s nothing but cordial to the Captain and even manages to thank the man for looking after his son. Shisui, charming as ever, correctly points out that he would be hopelessly lost without Itachi’s guidance, and Itachi has precisely one moment to savor the admittance before the way Fugaku has begun to examine them has him feeling antsy. Grabbing Shisui’s arm, Itachi politely excuses them both and pulls the Captain away to follow their comrades up the staircase.</p><p>As they make the trip to the guest wing of the house, Shisui leans in and whispers, “You know, I really thought that after all this time I’d find that guy a lot less terrifying.” </p><p>Itachi raises an amused eyebrow. “What is your verdict?” </p><p>Grinning, Shisui replies, “Maybe in another five years.”</p><p>While he’s never been in position to play host before, Itachi has always been content to take on a task and avoid managing his feelings. As much, he’s more than happy to show each crewmember to their rooms, taking a perhaps unnecessary amount of time and effort to explain the various amenities his home has to offer. For their part, his friends do not call him out on such an obvious tactic, accepting his rambling with grace and aplomb. By the end of the miniature tour Itachi finds himself lingering in Shisui’s doorway, more than a little reluctant to return to his own room. It’s a state that unfortunately does not slip by Shisui and his keen perception.</p><p>“I’m just a floor away if you need anything,” he tells Itachi, once he’s finished unpacking his things.</p><p>Itachi flickers his gaze away, annoyed at the way his cheeks are burning under the Captain’s focus. “Oddly enough, I actually knew that, given that this happens to be my childhood home,” he mutters.</p><p>Deciding to be the bigger man for once, Shisui simply rolls his eyes in response. </p><p>There’s nothing more to be said, so Itachi makes the seemingly endless walk to enter his own quarters. He’s prepared to spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in something in a fugue state, perhaps reading one of his mother’s old texts if he can muster up enough energy and focus. What he is most certainly <em> not </em> prepared for is to find himself face to face with the coldly furious expression of Mikoto and Fugaku’s second son, who has decided to take up residence on Itachi’s bed.</p><p>A long, painfully awkward moment passes between the two of them, as Itachi stares at his brother while Sasuke glares at him in return. “Sasuke,” Itachi greets him neutrally, once he finds his tongue. “It is good to see you.”</p><p>By the look on Sasuke’s face it is clear the sentiment is one-sided. “I was wondering if you’d show your face,” he says coolly, “but here you are.”</p><p>“Here I am.” There was a time where Sasuke once looked at Itachi as if he hung the moon, but given his brother’s tense posture Itachi guesses such a time has long since passed. Hoping to remedy the situation as much as possible, he tells Sasuke, “I understand that you are upset with me, but I would very much like it if we could get through this together. As a family,” he adds, hoping to appeal to his brother’s more sentimental side. </p><p>If anything, the gesture only seems to worsen Sasuke’s mood. “Sorry you feel that way,” he snarls before standing up and slamming into Itachi’s shoulder as he stalks off without another word. Itachi closes his eyes, breathing evenly through his nose before abandoning his feeble attempts at maintaining his composure.</p><p>Perhaps family was not everything it was cracked up to be, after all. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Having never experienced any great grief or loss in his life, Itachi never knew what this period of his life would look like. He had expected there would be fear and pain and sadness, and such things have certainly made an appearance, albeit less severely than he was prepared for. More than anything Itachi feels a buzzing anxiety in his veins as his time on Vulcan continues, as each day he wakes on his home planet is another day consumed with waiting for his mother to die. </p><p>Much of Itachi’s time is spent at Mikoto’s beside, keeping her company while regaling her with tales of his grand adventures across the galaxy. More than once she teases him for acting like a faithful puppy sleeping at its master’s feet, but Itachi won’t be deterred. The absolute last thing he wants is to lose his mother in the one second he’s not with her. </p><p>Still, there are moments where Itachi manages to tear himself away from Mikoto. He prefers to leave the room whenever Sasuke and Fugaku are visiting with her, as it doesn’t take long for the tension between them all to become unbearably awkward despite Mikoto’s attempts at diffusing. A silly part of Itachi had hoped that Sasuke would come to cool down, see reason, and formulate a temporary truce with Itachi given their mother’s condition. But if Sasuke has ever considered that plan he presents Itachi with no evidence, choosing to alternate between doting on Mikoto and glowering at his brother. As for Fugaku, though relations between father and eldest son have remained stable, Itachi still isn’t sure how to approach the man about the current situation, making it more favorable to say nothing at all. </p><p>On the rare occurrence where Itachi isn’t glued to his mother, he decides to give his companions a taste of Vulcan culture. Despite his previous complaints, Kisame warms up--pun not intended--to the planet rather quickly and is more than eager to take in the sights and sounds of the capital. Sakura is of course fascinated by the Vulcan Science Academy and absolutely bombards Itachi with questions while Ino bemoans the lack of fun shopping opportunities. Their odd little group of various races raises more than a few eyebrows as they walk the dusty city streets, but for once Itachi isn’t all that bothered by standing out. Perhaps for the very first time, Itachi feels entirely comfortable and content on his homeworld. And, by the look on the Captain’s face, Itachi believes it’s safe to say the Captain feels quite similar. </p><p>Most jarring of all is how everything appears deceptively normal, to the point where if Itachi didn’t have very specific knowledge of his mother’s illness he would question if anything was wrong at all. Even with her declining health, Mikoto remains in good spirits, bantering and chattering with everyone as if she wasn’t days from meeting her maker. It didn’t take long for her to meet every member of the crew and become enamored with them, though Itachi worries about the inquisitive way she watched the Captain. The last thing in the world he needs is to have his mother grilling him about his misbegotten attraction. </p><p>While Itachi is willing to play along with the ruse of normality at first, eventually his ability to hide his unease gives out. By the time the morning of their fifth day on Vulcan arrives, Itachi’s straightforward Vulcan nature raises its pointy-eared head and he has to ask, “Are you not afraid?”</p><p>Mikoto looks up from the printed copy of Itachi’s report on the <em> praelophaxus lordum’s </em> reproductive cycle she had all but demanded to read the day before. “Of alien space bugs?”</p><p>“You know what I am referring to,” Itachi replies, exasperated.</p><p>With a sharp exhale, Mikoto sets the pages on her lap and looks at her son directly. “Of course I’m afraid,” she answers, “along with tired and sad and angry. You and your brother are still so young, and there’s so many things that I’ll never get to…” She trails off, blinking heavily for a moment before clearing her throat and continuing, “But I don’t want to waste the little time I have left with you feeling sorry for myself, so please. Don’t treat me any different than usual.”</p><p>“If that is truly what you want,” Itachi agrees, uncertain, and Mikoto smiles.</p><p>“It is,” she assures, then adds, “Now, I have some issues with the conclusion you reached on page eighteen. How many times have we discussed the dangers of mistaking correlation for causation?”</p><p>At that, Itachi can’t help but laugh, impressed that even on her deathbed his mother cannot pass up a chance to criticize his work. Despite his own misgivings, he decides to once again place his mother’s happiness over his temporary distress. And so they continue on, pretending that everything is normal and that the life they share isn’t on the verge of ending. </p><p>Until, of course, the reality of their situation comes back to haunt them.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It’s a few minutes past two in the morning on the seventh day when Itachi startles out of his sleep and opens his eyes to see his younger brother violently shaking him. “Sasuke?” he mumbles, struggling to return to consciousness. “What has happened?”</p><p>“It’s Mom,” Sasuke says, voice tiny and panicked, and after that Itachi is suddenly very much awake. Pushing his brother away, Itachi stumbles out of his bed and begins digging through his drawers. As he frantically pulls on his clothes, Sasuke explains, “I don’t know what’s going on. Dad just said her vitals were plummeting and that they needed to get her to the hospital right away.”</p><p>“Have they left yet?” Itachi asks as he pulls his hair into his best attempt at a respectable ponytail.</p><p>Sasuke nods, the motion jerky. “Just now.” </p><p>“Then we won’t be far behind,” Itachi assures, storming out of the room with Sasuke hot on his heels. </p><p>It’s a quick walk to get close enough to the city to flag down transportation, and on the lengthy ride to the best hospital on Vulcan Itachi sends Shisui a very succinct text recapping their current whereabouts. By the time they reach Vulcan City Hospital Fugaku is sitting in the waiting room, his hands clasped in his lap and his complexion sallow and ashen. Troublingly, his clenched fingers are trembling and his concern is clear on his face. He stands as his sons race across the lobby to reach him, and dread collects in every part of Itachi’s body. </p><p>“What’s going on?” Sasuke interrogates their father, his fierce tone gathering more than a few questioning looks. “Where’s Mom? Is she okay?”</p><p>“Sasuke,” Itachi says gently, resting a hand on his brother’s shoulder that is promptly shrugged off. </p><p>“Your mother is stable for the moment,” Fugaku assures them, his expression pinched as he adds, “though the doctors do not believe she has much longer.” </p><p>“Can we see her?” Itachi asks, despite the painful squeezing sensation currently wrapping around his lungs.</p><p>“She is currently sleeping, but yes. You are more than welcome to spend time with her,” Fugaku tells them, and Sasuke stares at him, disbelieving. </p><p>“You’re leaving, aren't you?” he hisses. “Mom’s fucking dying and you’re just going to head back to the office like nothing’s even wrong!”</p><p>“<em>Sasuke</em>,” Itachi repeats, this time speaking as more of a warning than a reassurance, to which Sasuke shoves at him in response.</p><p>“Oh, fuck off!” he snaps. “You’re just as bad as he is.” With one last glare, he brushes past the two elder Vulcans to find Mikoto’s room, leaving an agonizing silence in his wake. </p><p>After an eternity of hearing only squeaking shoes and the receptionists’ typing, Fugaku finally says, “Do not take his words personally. He is merely acting out because he cannot process his emotions as we do.”</p><p>“‘As we do,’” Itachi echoes numbly. “And where has that gotten us, exactly?”</p><p>Fugaku furrows his brow, looking uncharacteristically stricken. “I wish I knew,” he admits quietly, and Itachi blinks in disbelief. It’s the first time in his life he has heard his father sound anything other than one hundred percent certain about the Vulcan lifestyle and all its trappings. While Itachi remains speechless, Fugaku adds, “Please keep me updated on her condition. I will return as soon as I am able.”</p><p>Itachi agrees, wondering if it isn’t work that is pulling his father away as much as it is a sheer inability to process his reaction to his wife’s looming passing. In seconds Fugaku is gone, disappearing through the hospital’s sliding glass doors, and Itachi all but collapses into his empty chair, somehow feeling boneless and under immense pressure all at once. </p><p>He does not know how much time passes before the familiar faces of his crew suddenly appear in front of him. Though Itachi had expected their presence, this makes him no less grateful for their appearance, even managing a small smile as they approach. </p><p>“Oh, Itachi,” Ino murmurs sympathetically as she wraps him in a hug, “you look terrible. I mean, your eyebags are seriously out of control.”</p><p>“Don’t they always look like that?” Kisame wonders curiously, and Sakura groans.</p><p>“Guys, your version of helping is shockingly unhelpful,” she says.</p><p>Shisui waits for the squabbling to end before asking, “How goes it?”</p><p>“Well, my mother is clinging to life, and my brother has screamed at myself and my father before the man abandoned us all entirely,” Itachi summarizes flatly. “So, not well, I’m afraid.”</p><p>Sakura scowls. “Screw your brother,” she cuts in. “He’s such an asshole, I hate that guy.”</p><p>“Sasuke is… difficult,” Itachi admits reluctantly, “but in fairness to him you are not seeing him at his best.” </p><p>As if on cue, the boy in question appears on the outskirts of their little crowd, looking defeated and out of place. “Figured you’d want some time with her,” he explains, then ducks out before Itachi can get a single word in.</p><p>Snorting, Sakura mutters, “Like I said: asshole,” earning a punch in the arm from Ino while Kisame nods in vigorous agreement. Sighing, Itachi tells them, “I should go to her. Please, do not feel obligated to stay here. I have no doubts this will be a long evening.”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ino reassures him with a smile, “there’s nowhere else we’d rather be.”</p><p>“I mean, I’d kind of like to be sleeping still, honestly,” Kisame says, though at Ino’s glare he quickly adds, “But I’m happy! To be here! For you!”</p><p>“I appreciate that,” Itachi replies earnestly before making his own pilgrimage to Mikoto’s room. While the walk itself is short, it manages to feel endless, and for a long moment Itachi simply stands outside, trying to steel himself for what he’s about to see. Though he feels nowhere near ready, he grasps the door handle and lets himself inside.</p><p>Looking at his mother’s motionless body, Itachi is absurdly reminded of the injury he received on the Gamma moon the previous year. More specifically, he’s reminded of his argument with Kisame, recalling the man’s words with painful clarity. <em> I’ve taken enough lives to know what it looks like when someone’s about to meet their maker</em>, Kisame had said, and staring at his motions face beneath her oxygen mask he understands what the man meant. It’s something Itachi has also become unfortunately perceptive to over the years because of his medical career. But this is the very first time where the patient lying in front of him is someone he loves, and the certainty of his knowledge brings him no joy or comfort. Instead, as he sits in the cold, metal chair placed beside his mother’s bed, Itachi finds he isn’t feeling anything at all. </p><p>Miraculously, Mikoto manages to survive the night, but she doesn’t wake. Itachi, Sasuke, and Fugaku look after her in shifts, as once again the three of them cannot manage to respectfully share a room together even under these dire circumstances. It would almost be funny were it not so incredibly frustrating and depressing. Day bleeds into night which bleeds into another day and yet his mother does not regain consciousness. Even when Itachi is not in Mikoto’s room he does not leave the hospital grounds, though he allows Ino to drag him to the cafeteria and Kisame even manages to sucker him into taking a walk outside. Much like his family the crew of the Corvus visits in waves, though Shisui is by far the most frequent visitor and the person who tends to stay the longest. </p><p>“At the risk of sounding shallow,” Shisui starts, on the third night of Mikoto’s hospitalization, “you do look a little terrible.”</p><p>“I’m going to tell Ino you called her shallow,” Itachi retorts, unable to muster up any real humor as he once again stands watch over his sleeping mother.</p><p>Smirking, Shisui takes the empty chair next to Itachi. “Hey, she can be shallow and also have depths. As someone who is also impossibly vain, I can relate.” Any amusement leaves Shisui’s face rather quickly as he looks at Itachi and says, “You’ve been here for days, Itachi. Let me take you home.”</p><p>“No,” Itachi replies instantly. “If something happens to her while I was not here I could never forgive myself.”</p><p>“How did I know you would say that?” Shisui asks, sounding fond. “Alright, how about this: if you won’t leave then at least let me stay with you.” </p><p>“I cannot ask that of you.”</p><p>“Still not asking,” the Captain reminds him, and Itachi’s too tired to continue his token attempts at protesting.</p><p>“If you insist on staying I suppose I cannot force you to go,” he eventually agrees, and Shisui’s shoulders slope in relief. </p><p>“Don’t suppose I can convince you to get some shut-eye while I’m at it?” Shisui presses. “When was the last time you even slept?”</p><p>“Need I remind you that a Vulcan does not require nearly as much rest as a human.”</p><p>“That doesn’t mean you don’t need any.” Itachi stares ahead, stubbornly resolute, so of course Shisui responds by hooking a finger under his chin and turning him so that they are face-to-face. The soft compassion of Shisui’s expression makes Itachi want to bolt, but he stays put and allows Shisui to tell him, “Get some rest. It doesn’t make you a bad son to sack out for a few hours, and I’ll be right here to watch over her for you.” When Itachi remains unconvinced, he adds, “Please? For me?” </p><p>Itachi narrows his eyes. “That is highly manipulative.”</p><p>“Yet effective,” Shisui counters, looking proud of himself for the maneuver, and Itachi won’t give him the satisfaction of a reply. The sad truth is that, much like with his mother, there is a very slim chance that he will ever reject one of Shisui’s requests. So, for the first time in days, he surrenders to his fragility and takes a break from his dreadful reality.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>When Itachi opens his eyes it’s morning once again and panic instantly seizes his heart. He can’t even remember falling asleep, can only recall the fabric of Shisui’s uniform shirt against his cheek and the sound of his even breathing. Shooting straight up in his chair, he immediately searches the room for his mother and is relieved to see she remains in her bed, evidently as fast asleep as she has been for much of the week. Exhaling sharply, Itachi wills the frantic fear to leave his veins and for his heart rate to return to normal. </p><p>Shisui is still at his side and shows no signs of having rested, meaning he kept his absurd promise to spend the night watching over Mikoto. Touching Itachi’s wrist, he whispers, “It’s okay, she’s still stable.”</p><p>Itachi nods, his gaze lingering on the slow rise and fall of Mikoto’s chest. “And she remained stable throughout the night? There were no changes, no crashes?”</p><p>“You didn’t miss a thing,” Shisui assures him. </p><p>Temporarily satisfied that Mikoto will not suddenly disappear in a puff of smoke, Itachi directs his attention to the Captain. He looks exceedingly tired, but otherwise in good health, and for perhaps the thousandth time this week Itachi feels unspeakably lucky to have Shisui with him. “I am sorry for keeping you awake.”</p><p>Shisui shrugs. “Eh, I’ve had worse,” he replies. “Remember finals week at the Academy our senior year? I think I slept, like, twelve hours total the whole seven days.”</p><p>“I suspect we remember that time very differently. Unlike you, I was fully caught up with my studies, making it highly unnecessary for me to spend my time cramming.”</p><p>“Who said I was studying?” Shisui asks with a wink, and despite the unfortunate circumstances the response still manages to startle a laugh out of Itachi. Visibly pleased by his reaction, Shisui smiles at him faintly. “Speak of crashing, you mind if I sack out for a few hours?”</p><p>Itachi shakes his head. “No, please, get some sleep. You have done more than enough for me as it is.”</p><p>“One of these days I’m going to get you to stop saying stuff like that,” Shisui vows as he stands. His expression softens as he moves to lay a hand on Itachi’s shoulder, squeezing it faintly before adding, “Call me if anything changes.”</p><p>“I will,” Itachi promises, reaching up to wrap his fingers around Shisui’s before letting go entirely. Fortunately Shisui leaves just a moment later, before Itachi can cave to his selfish desires and beg the man to stay even longer. It’s just as well, though, as there’s another matter that requires his attention. Turning to face the bed he announces, “He is gone, Mother. You can stop pretending to be asleep.”</p><p>Mikoto cracks a single eye open, looking entertained by the charade. “You know, I didn’t get a chance to say this before, but he’s very cute,” she says, her voice muffled by all the equipment currently keeping her alive. “All the times you complained about him and not once did you ever tell me that he was cute.”</p><p>“Forgive me for not realizing the significance of my commanding officer’s physical appearance,” Itachi mutters, annoyed at the flush he can feel building along the curve of his neck, before quickly redirecting to another, much more troubling subject. “Are you sure that this is what you would like to talk about right now?” </p><p>“<em> Yes </em>,” she insists. “I’m not going to get many more chances to stick my nose in your business, and I don’t want the rest of the time we have together to be all doom and gloom. I want to hear about the life you’ve made for yourself, about your hopes and dreams and fears.” His mother gives him a small, watery smile. “Itachi, let me have this.”</p><p>“Okay,” Itachi concedes quietly. Glancing out the window to see yet another clear and balmy day, an idea comes to mind. “How would you like to get out of this room?”</p><p>It takes a significant amount of flashing his medical credentials around before the doctors finally give in and allow Itachi to take Mikoto and her various medical devices outside. They don’t stray far from the hospital, merely spend some time in the small garden visible from his mother’s room. It’s a lovely place, filled with small, delicate flowers and rich, green cacti. In the harsh light of day, Mikoto looks so sick, so out of place, and the sight of her has Itachi’s throat closing up. But she also looks, in spite of everything, impossibly happy. “I love this planet,” she tells Itachi, her hair flitting about her face in the warm, morning breeze. “From the very first moment your father brought me here, I’ve always loved it.”</p><p>“Fortunate given that I cannot imagine Father ever settling on Earth,” Itachi replies, and Mikoto smirks.</p><p>“He actually offered, if you can believe it. But I knew how much this place meant to him, and I didn’t want to deprive our children of their culture. Not sure how well that worked out, all things considered,” she adds dryly.</p><p>“I never knew, that he…” Itachi trails off. “There is so much about him I feel like I never knew.”</p><p>“He’s a complicated man,” she agrees, “but also a good one, I think.”</p><p>“So you have no regrets, then? About marrying him, having us?”</p><p>Mikoto turns to him and smiles, her expression as bright and lovely as the sun itself. “Never.” </p><p>It occurs to Itachi that, after a week of dancing along the edge of death, the chances of this being his last conversation with his mother are high. He thinks of her earlier words, her lament about all the highs and lows of her childrens’ lives that she would never get to witness, and can’t help but feel the need to share at least one of those precious secrets with her now. After a significant pause, he admits, a tad unwilling, “He is cute. The Captain, I mean.”</p><p>Immediately Mikoto perks up, her eyes smug and sparkling. “You left that little tidbit out of our phonecalls.”</p><p>“Perhaps that is because I did not think such a thing would be relevant or interesting to you.”</p><p>“<em>Mhm</em>,” she hums knowingly, “and you didn’t think it would be relevant or interesting to mention that the two of you were so cuddly?”</p><p>“I told you that we have been getting along better as of late,” Itachi says defensively.</p><p>“Darling, there is ‘getting along’ and then there is what the two of you were just doing in my hospital room.” Some of her good humor softening at his obvious discomfort, she adds, delicately, “It’s alright if you like him.”</p><p>“What if,” he begins, uncertain, “it is more than that?” For all the brooding and introspection he’s had regarding Shisui and his own feelings for the man, it’s the first time he’s ever spoken such impulses aloud. He’s surprised to find that the sensation is both immensely relieving and akin to blindly jumping off a cliff. </p><p>“Itachi.” There’s no pity or mocking in Mikoto’s voice, only a loving empathy that helps ease the knot building in Itachi’s stomach. “Have you told him?”</p><p>“I suspect there is no point in doing so for a variety of reasons, many of which you already know.”</p><p>Scowling, Mikoto says, “If you’re talking about that stupid engagement, I’ve told you a million times that you don’t have to go through with it if you don’t want to. The only reason I allowed your father to make that agreement with Izumi’s family was because he promised me it could be broken.” </p><p>“So you have said,” Itachi remarks vacantly. </p><p>“<em>Stop</em>,” his mother snaps, and Itachi turns to her, shocked. For all the years he’s been alive, not once has Mikoto ever raised her voice at him. “Do you hear yourself? You sound miserable.” “Ever since you were a boy you’ve been like this, always so practical and self-sacrificing. You’ve never chased after the things that would make you happy. And now you have something-- <em> someone </em>--that does just that, and you’re still turning away.” The anger drains out her features, but leaves behind a fierce determination in its wake. “You don’t have to be alone, Itachi, and I’m sorry that your father and I ever made you feel that way.” </p><p>“It was not your fault. You did the best that you could in a difficult situation.”</p><p>“My love, you were never difficult,” she murmurs. “Not even once.” </p><p>Itachi looks away from the naked emotion directed his way, fearing that if he sees it any longer he will give in completely. More than once he has fantasized of an existence free of Vulcan constraints and his family’s expectations, a life that was completely his own filled with the people and places of his choosing. For most of his years they were empty, colorless daydreams, pleasant yet nondescript, which was for the best given that they could never come to pass. But since becoming a part of the Corvus, those errant dreams have taken on an unbearable level of life and detail, leaving Itachi hollow and yearning. “If I do not go through with the betrothal,” he begins, “I will bring shame upon our family. Father has always made it very clear that it is up to me to do what he could not.”</p><p>“Oh, fuck your father,” she replies dismissively. Itachi stares at her, eyebrows raised, as she continues, “Fuck me, too, while you’re at it. Stop thinking about everyone else in your life and please, just this once, think about what <em> you </em> want.” </p><p>The words crack the unwavering resolve that Itachi has built up and depended on for nearly three decades. “I just want to do the right thing,” he whispers, voice hoarse, “but I am afraid I do not know what that is anymore.” </p><p>“Come here.” Mikoto reaches out to wrap her arms around Itachi, and despite her slender frame she grips her son with an undying strength. Pressing her face against his own, she tells him, speaking directly into his ear, “I need you to know that from the second I first saw you up until this very moment there has never been a time where I haven’t felt blessed and proud to be your mother. And whatever you do, whoever you become, that will never, <em> ever </em> change. Everything you are is everything I ever could have hoped you would be, maybe even more so.” Pulling back, she holds his face between both of her palms and looks him directly in the eye as she says, “It’s time to stop living your life for your family and start living it for yourself.” </p><p>Given his temperament, it’s almost agonizing to look at the earnest sentiment in his mother’s expression, but Itachi pushes through for both of their sakes. He knows, deep down in his bones, that if he does not say the things he wishes to express to her he will never get a chance like this again. Though Itachi suspects he will spend a life haunted by regrets and disappointments, the last thing he wants is for one of those ghosts to share his mother’s face. </p><p>“You must know that you were right to push me to accept my position,” he says. “When I first joined the Corvus, I was so distrusting of everyone, so distant from the crew, but now… Now I have something with them that I never thought I <em> could </em> have. After spending an eternity feeling so alone, so rejected, I fit in with them, and for some bizarre reason they accept me as I am. And that’s to say nothing of all the amazing work I have been able to accomplish, things I never dreamed I could see and do. But I did. I’ve gotten more than I ever even thought I would, and it’s all because of you.” Swallowing thickly, he says, “Because you always loved me, and because, even though I could never speak the words, I loved you in return.”</p><p>Though he’s been careful to keep his gaze on the red sand surrounding them, Itachi chances a look at his mother’s face and is concerned to see her crying. However, though the tears are steady, they do not appear to stem from sadness or pain. If anything, Mikoto looks immensely relieved, almost at peace. “Are you happy?” she asks Itachi, sniffling. </p><p>The question is almost startling in its honesty. Not once in his life has Itachi ever genuinely asked himself a thing, as he always took it for granted that happiness was not a thing he was meant to achieve. But in this moment he thinks of all the worlds he’s traveled to, the cultures he’s experienced and the wildlife he’s studied. He thinks of the days spent in the Lab with his peers, the times where he has argued and bantered with the crewmembers that have somehow transformed into the very first friends he has ever known. And more than anything, he thinks of Shisui, the man he’s come to care for more than he ever thought he was capable of loving anyone. “Yes,” he chokes out, surprised by the bitter sting prickling at his eyes, “I am.” </p><p>Mikoto smiles. “Well, then,” she says, brushing her fingers against his cheek in a soothing caress, “that’s enough.” </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Ten hours later, surrounded by the three people she loved most, Mikoto slips away. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>In the wake of his mother’s passing, an unsettling stillness settles over his family’s world. Given Fugaku’s status in their community, the memorial for his wife will inevitably become something of a Vulcan social obligation, meaning there’s much preparation that needs to be done. Though both Itachi and Fugaku have been collaborating on the arrangements since the former’s arrival on the planet, it would seem that the process is never-ending. For each task they accomplish it appears as if three more take its place, and by the end of their planning Itachi is almost ready to join Mikoto in death.</p><p>Perhaps predictably, Sasuke has no desire to partake in the decision-making, preoccupied with his own suffering. Secretly, Itachi is grateful for the opportunity to spare his brother from carrying this burden and also for the chance to use work to distract himself from his own feelings. Seeming to sense his eldest son’s desire to lose himself, Fugaku gives Itachi no shortage of odd jobs to do, from clearing out his mother’s clothes to composing thank-you messages to the Vulcan nobles who have sent their (admittedly terse) condolences. As always, Itachi thrives under pressure and is more than happy to take on task after task to avoid becoming preoccupied with his grief.</p><p>The evening before Mikoto’s funeral he finds himself in her vast study, surrounded by her beloved books and tools. As a boy this massive library, filled with old tapestries and ancient texts, was the one place Itachi felt safe, felt at home, and he loved to sit at the feet of her ancient, overstuffed chair debating the secrets of the universe. Such memories plague his thoughts as he inspects each old tome, deciding which is to be kept in their home and which is to be given away. Initially Itachi had bristled at the prospect of parting with any of his mother’s books when his father asked him to sort through her library and determine what should be gifted to a good cause. But Fugaku had assured him that such an act was Mikoto’s own request, and despite the lead pit the idea of losing even a single book created in his gut he agreed to do the deed. </p><p>It is when he’s in the middle of this job that Sasuke finally decides to speak to his older brother. After their mother’s death he had returned to avoiding Itachi and everyone else like the plague, only appearing to feed himself before quickly disappearing once more. Studying his features in the muted golden light of the study, Itachi feels his brow furrowing in worry. Sasuke’s black eyes are swollen and shadowed, no doubt from an excess of crying and a lack of sleep. But whatever muted sadness in his expression melts into confusion as he looks at Itachi. “What are you doing?” he asks, staring at the collection of boxes cluttering the library’s floor. </p><p>Gently setting the thick, beaten emerald text in his hands into the one of the boxes designated for removal, he replies, “Father has asked me to sort through Mother’s belongings to determine what should be kept and what we shall be donating to the Vulcan Science Academy.”</p><p>“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Anger may be the only thing Itachi has in common with his brother beside their shared heritage, so he’s able to spot the emotion the moment it enters his brother’s face. Features twisting up, Sasuke steps further into the room, stands closer to Itachi as he says, “She just died and you’re already giving away her things?”</p><p>“I am executing our mother’s last wishes. It was her will that her work be shared with the community upon her passing.” </p><p>“That’s what you’re focused on right now? Some musty old books?”</p><p>Feeling his patience fray a little more with each word his brother speaks, Itachi answers, as evenly as he is able, “While I know that tradition and culture has never meant much to you, Mother did not share sentiments. If she were here she would want me to--”</p><p>“But she <em> isn’t </em> here,” Sasuke snaps, the volume of his voice steadily increasing. “Do you get that?”</p><p>“Believe it or not, I am more than capable of understanding the nature of death.” Inhaling sharply, Itachi attempts to calm himself so he will not retaliate with equal ferocity. “In case you had forgotten it was I who was in charge of her medical care for much of her illness.”</p><p>“Yeah, and look where that got her,” his brother hisses, his scowling face less than two feet away from Itachi’s own. “You left her and she died because of it.”</p><p>“She died because she had terminal lung cancer, Sasuke. Because an inoperable, treatment-resistant disease decided to take ahold of her body and rot her from the inside out.”</p><p>“Stop talking like that!”</p><p>“What would you prefer me to say, hmm?” Itachi asks, rapidly losing the battle with his own temper. “What manner of expression would be acceptable to you?” </p><p>“I don’t know, maybe the one that actually makes you sound like a fucking person? The one that makes you sound like a son grieving for his mother?” Sasuke all but demands. His eyes are wide and wild, the muscles in his jaw clenched as he asks, “Are you even sad that she’s dead? Do you even miss her?” </p><p>“How dare you,” Itachi spits, fingers coiling into tight fists. “Do not presume to know how I am feeling at this moment.”</p><p>“How you’re ‘<em>feeling</em>?’ You don’t feel anything at all, you and Dad both. Mom’s gone and neither one of you even cares!” </p><p>“Is this truly how you want to honor our mother’s memory? By standing in front of me, screaming in hysterics because you cannot control yourself?” Making direct eye contact with his brother, Itachi flatly replies, “I am behaving this way because unlike you I see no point in being a spoiled, selfish, emotionally unstable <em> child </em> who believes that acting irrationally gives me the moral high ground.” </p><p>As soon as the words are spoken Itachi finds himself punished for them. In seconds Sasuke’s fist connects with his mouth, splitting his lip and spilling blood down his chin. “Fuck you,” his brother hisses. “You should have never come back here.”</p><p>Itachi reaches up, lightly pressing his fingertips against the swell of his mouth. Running his tongue over the cut he tastes nothing but bitterness and pain and winces against the sensation. But before he can even consider an apology, Sasuke is gone, storming from the room just as suddenly as he appeared. Still, there’s another presence lurking just outside the library, and after a moment of quietly collecting himself Itachi decides to address it. “I take it you heard all of that.”</p><p>“Heard enough,” Shisui says, stepping into the study. His expression sharpens the moment he catches sight of the green blood bubbling from Itachi’s lip. “That better not be from what I think it’s from,” he says, disapproval coloring his tone.</p><p>Itachi snorts as he returns to his previous task, refusing to look at Shisui directly as he reaches for another book. “You can climb down from your white horse, Captain. My brother merely paid me a visit in order to express his feelings regarding our current predicament.”</p><p>“Nice of him to express himself so clearly by way of your face,” Shisui counters dryly. </p><p>“Please do not think so harshly of Sasuke.” Itachi tells him, tossing another rejected tome into an unoccupied book with a potentially unnecessary amount of force. “He is grieving.”</p><p>“Are you?” Shisui’s tone is critical, and Itachi jerks his head up to look at him. </p><p>“I beg your pardon?” </p><p>“It’s okay, you know. To miss her.” The Captain’s face is oddly neutral, and the expression, so devoid of his characteristic sentimentality, only serves to put Itachi even more on edge. “It’s okay to let yourself feel it.”</p><p>Lips curved down severely, Itachi mutters, “Whatever lecture you’ve prepared for me is highly unnecessary, as I am more than aware of the nature of loss and grief.” </p><p>“Maybe, but all the logic in the universe isn't going to keep you from missing her.”</p><p>“Do you ever get tired of being so infuriatingly presumptuous?” Itachi braces for a clever quip or sarcastic remark, but it never comes. The silence only seems to stoke his frustration further and he continues, his speech louder and quicker, “You think you understand me so well, but you have no clue who I am. How rich of you to stand there, so high and mighty, when you know nothing about how I am feeling or what my experiences have been. You are just like every other person I have encountered who thinks they can live my life better than I have. But I have always, <em> always </em> been the only person in this world who knows exactly what this wretched existence entails, and yet my opinion on the matter has never mattered for much.” </p><p>As he speaks, he furiously sorts through his mother’s books, watching as the faded pages and leather covers disappear into the collection of boxes surrounding him. With each tome stacked it’s another piece of his mother’s life that disappears, another reminder that she is no longer here to enjoy such things, and cold air collects in Itachi’s chest as he moves. Voice shaking, he says, “The only person who ever tried to understand me, the only person who ever accepted me… She’s gone.” </p><p>It isn’t until the vision of Shisui, suddenly so much closer than before, blurs beyond perception that Itachi belatedly realizes he’s crying. Mortified, he raises a hand to scrub at his eyes, but Shisui gently moves to stop him. “It’s okay,” he repeats quietly, and Itachi shakes his head.</p><p>“Please do not concern yourself with me,” he insists in a quavering tone of voice, “I am fine.” </p><p>“No, you’re not,” Shisui replies, “and it’s okay.” </p><p>For the first time in his life, the wall Itachi has crafted around his heart fully disintegrates. As a boy, he endured all his hurts, his physical injuries and emotional wounds, with unrelenting strength and acceptance. He bore the brunt of his people’s mocking and criticism, his father’s coldness, and his mother’s illness without question or complaint. Not once in Itachi’s life has he screamed or wept, yet in an instant all that changes. A noise he’s never heard rips out of his throat, and without thinking he finds himself blindly clutching at the man in front of him. His arms wrap around Shisui’s frame, fingers digging into his back as he sobs against the curve of Shisui’s collarbone. </p><p>Despite how tightly (and perhaps painfully) Itachi is holding on to him, Shisui reciprocates almost immediately. One of his hands moves to cup the back of Itachi’s head while the other winds around his waist, holding him impossibly close. “It’s alright, I got you,” Shisui murmurs. “Let it out.” </p><p>And so Itachi does.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It’s a testament to Itachi’s currently unbalanced state that, an eternity after his spontaneous fit of madness, he allows Shisui to manhandle him back to his quarters. Though he offers a few weak token protests, he doesn’t fight as Shisui leads him into his own bathroom and sits him on the edge of the tub to clean him up. But he does say, more than once, “An injury of this size does not warrant such fuss,” as Shisui dabs at the split of his lip. A dizzying sense of deja vu overtakes him as he’s reminded of how his mother used to patch up his youthful cuts and scrapes, and Itachi swallows at the sadness that once again threatens to overtake him.</p><p>“The more you complain, the more I’m going to take care of you. Might as well get used to it now,” Shisui eventually replies, offering Itachi a stern glare before returning to the task at hand. While Sasuke does not possess Itachi’s Starfleet combat training, he makes up for his inexperience with raw strength. Given how hard his brother struck him Itachi does not doubt he will be attending his own mother’s funeral with a very delightful fat lip. Seeming to share his current thoughts, Shisui asks, “Sure you don’t want me to pop the kid one for this? I know Vulcans are supposed to be, like, three times tougher than humans, but I think I got a shot.”</p><p>Itachi shakes his head, a tired smile playing at the corners of his sore lips. “I do not begrudge my brother for his reaction. All his life he has been sheltered from the pressure I experienced, meaning he is not used to such pain. It is understandable that he would be overwhelmed by suddenly feeling everything all at once.” Thinking of his own less-than kind words, Itachi grimaces as he tells Shisui, “I am sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. It was cruel and unfair of me to say such things.”</p><p>“Just a little bit,” the man says lightly, before something more serious creeps onto his features. “It’s not all your fault, though. I was being pushy as hell before.” Pulling away from Itachi, he continues, “When my dad took off, I cried for a week, which was tragic because according to Anko I have a very ugly crying face. I know we’re not the same and we handle things super differently, but I just wanted to make sure you had someone you could do that with, in case it was something you needed.” </p><p>Itachi stares at Shisui’s downcast eyes, the way his dark lashes fan across his cheeks, and feels his heart throb in his chest. Yet again he’s being offered another hidden piece of Shisui’s soul he’s in no way entitled to. “May I ask you something?”</p><p>Shisui gazes up at him then, his lips curled sardonically. “Only if it’s cruel and unfair.”</p><p>“Why are you being so kind to me?” </p><p>“You know, for someone who’s supposed to be a genius, you say something incredibly dumb things sometimes.” Watching Itachi with an unnerving intensity, he asks, with an almost fragile tenderness, “Isn’t it obvious?” </p><p>“I suppose it is,” Itachi replies, even though it honestly isn’t. To him, it’s never been obvious why Shisui cares for him so much and what exactly lies between him. But maybe such a thing has been clear and present from the very beginning, and Itachi merely blinded himself to it all in order to protect them both. </p><p>Sitting in the bathroom of his childhood room and looking into the face of the man he loves, Itachi thinks of the words his mother spoke to him before her death. Mikoto had chastised him for his willingness to throw away the pieces of his life that mattered to him, yet she had no way of knowing how excruciating it was to make such a choice. More than anything Itachi wishes he could take her advice and surrender to his own desires, but tragically that is simply not the world he lives in. So, rather than seizing the moment and closing the very small distance between their faces, Itachi says nothing at all, and allows their chance to slip away.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Shisui tosses the bloodied washcloth into the laundry basket and moves to stand upright. “Alright, I think that’s as good as we’re gonna get for the time being,” he announces, offering Itachi a hand to help him to his feet. Seemingly at a loss for what action to take next, he trails behind Itachi as the latter exits the bathroom and walks onto the small balcony attached to his bedroom. The air is crisp and chilly, a relief from the hot feeling crawling along his skin, and he focuses on the visible puffs of his breath rather than Shisui's close proximity. “It’s a nice view of the city,” the Captain comments, watching the lights and shadows dancing below them.</p><p>“Every time I stood in this spot it always seemed like a visual representation of my perception of this world,” Itachi replies, sounding as drained as he currently feels. “Just so far away from everything on the surface.” Trailing his fingers along the golden metal of the railing, he admits, “I do not know how I am supposed to live on this planet without her.” </p><p>“Well, you already know my opinion on your post-Corvus plans,” Shisui says, aiming for a casual tone of voice without actually succeeding. </p><p>The memory of Shisui begging him not to leave pushes itself into Itachi’s mind once more, and he shudders. “I do,” he murmurs, hoping the man across from him mistakes his shiver for a reaction to the cold. </p><p>“But,” Shisui continues, “for what it’s worth I think you’ll do just fine. You’re not the same person you were when you left here. Everything we’ve seen and done has made you one tough cookie. Just tackle whatever challenge you face here with the same gusto you bring to bossing me around and you’ll be alright.”</p><p>“If only I had your faith.”</p><p>“Maybe I have enough of it for the both of us.” The sight of Shisui’s face, supportive and proud, against the night sky is almost disgustingly romantic, and Itachi has to make a physical effort to conquer his impulses. “So, tomorrow’s shaping up to be a pretty big deal, isn’t it?” </p><p>Itachi nods, a tad aimlessly. “It will be quite the affair,” he confirms. “An unavoidable outcome given my father’s position.”</p><p>“The crew’s been asking if they are allowed to attend. We’d all like to pay our respects, but nobody wants to intrude, you know?” </p><p>“You wouldn’t be,” Itachi says. “The actual ceremony will only contain family and our High Master, but you are more than welcome to gather outside the temple.”</p><p>“Then we’ll be there,” Shisui promises, studying Itachi closely before he asks, “How’re you feeling about everything?”</p><p>“Once I know for myself you will be the first person I tell.” Itachi rubs his palms along his arms, suddenly feeling chilled for reasons that have nothing to do with the weather. “My mother has been ill for so long that it almost feels as if she was never healthy. I always knew that this day would come, that I would lose her. And I thought that I had prepared myself for such a devastation, but… In all honesty, I do not feel ready to say goodbye to her. Despite all the evidence, none of this feels real.” </p><p>After a lengthy moment of evaluation, Shisui wraps an arm over Itachi’s shoulders, lightly resting his chin on the crown of Itachi’s head. In response, Itachi leans into his side, seeking the warmth and comfort of his body. “I don’t know if you can ever be ready for something like this,” Shisui says thoughtfully, and Itachi frowns.</p><p>“Have I told you recently how much I hate it when you are right?” he asks, to which Shisui offers a low chuckle in reply, the sound vibrating against Itachi’s own chest.</p><p>“You may have mentioned it once or twice.” </p><p>“Though I suspect this statement will be meaningless to you, I feel a need to remind you that you are not required to stay with me,” Itachi mumbles, causing Shisui’s grasp on him to tighten.</p><p>“No place I’d rather be,” the Captain replies, unsurprisingly, and this time Itachi decides to allow it. Even if it is just for one night, with only the stars as his witness he gives as much of himself to Shisui as he’s capable. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The day of Mikoto’s funeral is appropriately bleak. Itachi rises early after only a few hours of fitful sleep to find the sun muted and the sky hazy. Shisui had remained with him for most of the evening before reluctantly returning to his own quarters, a fact Itachi hopes no one else in the home noticed. But such concerns pale in comparison to the magnitude of the event that will take place in the near future. So, despite the hollow, sad exhaustion clinging to him, he peels off his bedsheets and readies himself for the occasion. </p><p>As he descends the stairs to enter his family’s living room, he’s greeted by the hushed voices and prying eyes of his crew. Naturally, Ino is the first to fully approach him. “Hey, you,” she murmurs, hugging him once again, and Itachi’s feeling unglued enough to fully return the gesture. “I’d ask you how you’re feeling, but you know I already know.”</p><p>“You always do,” Itachi replies, patting her back before disengaging. “I appreciate you coming.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t dream of missing it. None of us would,” she adds, and Kisame and Sakura nod enthusiastically. After a moment, a small crease forms between her brows, and she anxiously asks, “Wait, did you get punched?” </p><p>“Long story, kid,” Shisui says, in a tone that implies finality, just as Sasuke joins the crowd. </p><p>A chill falls over the room as the two brothers watch each other. Sasuke looks tense--a state that’s to be expected, given the circumstances--but, to Itachi’s relief, not especially angry, not even as he tells Itachi, “Dad wants to talk to us.” </p><p>“Alright,” Itachi agrees, and slips from Ino’s embrace to follow his brother. </p><p>As they gather in their father’s study, Itachi isn’t surprised by Fugaku’s offer to mind-meld to process their grief together. He is equally unsurprised by Sasuke’s refusal of the tradition, as the boy’s never cared much for either Vulcan customs or emotional vulnerability. What shocks all three of them, however, is that Itachi also refuses to participate in the act. After years of fidelity to the Vulcan way of life, he believes that just this once he’s entitled to his privacy and chooses to keep every good, bad, and ugly feeling about his mother and her death to himself. If Fugaku’s disappointed by his sons’ choices he does not express it, instead deciding to conclude their family meeting before making the trek to their family’s burial ground on Mount Seleya. </p><p>Mikoto’s body will not be returned to the soil today, as it was cremated the day of her passing in accordance with Vulcan tradition. But her <em> katra</em>, her beautiful and curious and adoring spirit, remains, carefully extracted from her so it could be laid to rest with their ancestors. Fugaku carries her soul within him as their small group walks through the sand to reach the temple. Itachi is expecting to see the great marble towers that compose their sacred crypt, a place he has visited only a handful of times in his life. What he is not prepared for is the sight of the massive crowd surrounding the structure. As predicted, many of the faces belong to Vulcan citizens, and he even spots Izumi and her clan among the group. However, for the sake of his own sanity he refuses to give her his attention. But the Vulcan faction pales in comparison to the amount of Corvus crewmembers that have gathered to pay their respects. A disbelieving Itachi does a quick count and struggles to wrap his mind around the fact that every single person aboard his ship has come to join him in his mourning.</p><p>Seeming to read his thoughts loud and clear, Shisui leans in and whispers, “I told you, they wanted to be here for you.”</p><p>Feeling overwhelmed in the best way possible, Itachi can only nod in reply. </p><p>The High Master is finishing preparing the temple for their arrival, giving Fugaku time to matriculate with the Vulcan population while Itachi is swarmed by his crew. Each person, even the ones who Itachi has never had the chance to really get to know, offers genuine thoughts and apologies that he stumbles in accepting, more than a little afraid of the powerful emotions the massive display of support has stoked in him. For the select few he does know, Itachi is better able to reciprocate their sentiments. Anko mutters “sorry” before lightly tapping Itachi’s leg with her boot and then proceeding to ignore him entirely. Asuma gives Itachi a very reserved yet kind sidehug, while Karin forsakes all attempts at propriety and throws her arms around Itachi. </p><p>“Man, I’ve missed you,” she tells him, loudly and with great feeling. “Without you to keep him in line Kabuto’s been super annoying.”</p><p>“Yes, thank you for that,” Kabuto chimes in stiffly. He waits until Karin is preoccupied talking to Sakura before he says, “Ever since the Captain mentioned your… predicament, I’ve wanted to give you my condolences for your loss. But, in case you haven’t noticed, sentimentality is not my strong point. So,” he finishes, eyes flickering nervously behind his glasses, “here are my condolences. For your loss.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Itachi replies, moved by the words yet more than a little confused by the close way Shisui is watching Kabuto’s every move. Of course, he doesn’t have long to consider the odd moment, as the High Master throws open the doors to the temple to beckon his family inside.</p><p>Shisui touches his lower back and assures, “We’ll be right here waiting for you.”</p><p>“Wish me luck,” Itachi whispers in response, then moves to join his brother and father as they climb the stairs to the temple. </p><p>To Itachi’s relief, much of the service itself seems to pass by in a blur. Having experienced his own personal catharsis the previous evening, the pomp and circumstance appears almost frivolous. But Itachi bears it, for the sake of his mother and for his culture. Without complaint, he kneels in the hot coals along with his family as the High Master recites the <em> Vok-Van-Kal t'To'oveh</em>, the traditional funeral rites of his people. The words are flat and meaningless, in no way capturing the beauty of his mother’s life, and once again Itachi is reminded of how hard his father had to fight in order to ensure that Mikoto would even receive this gift. </p><p>Having learned the sequence of Vulcan funeral rites at a young age, Itachi is ready to participate as soon as he’s prompted. When his father implores, he rises from his position and walks to meet the Master, the warm dirt shifting beneath his feet as he moves. Taking the pitcher from Fugaku’s hands, Itachi repeats his father’s farewell blessing as he pours the water onto the burning coals at his feet. He winces as steam immediately springs from the pile, filling his eyes and causing them to tear up. Once he finishes, he summons Sasuke, and watches as his brother follows in their footsteps, his hands shaking as he tries to tip the small container. Without thinking, Itachi lays his hands over Sasuke’s, and though he fears he’ll receive his brother’s ire he’s relieved to instead find Sasuke grateful. Together, they perform the ritual to honor their mother and to say goodbye.</p><p>Once his part in the memorial is finished, the High Master leaves the three members of their family to perform the final step. It seems as if a lifetime passes before Fugaku exhales heavily and places his palm onto the enormous statue that would be his wife’s final resting place. In seconds, a shimmering blue light flows from his hand, illuminating his skin, before disappearing into the stone entirely. Even before Fugaku announces that the ceremony has been completed, Itachi knows that it’s over. Deep in his heart, he can already feel that his mother is gone.</p><p>All that remains is the traditional walk back to their family home. As they exit the temple, Itachi decides to chalk up the burning in his eyes to a combination of steam and sunlight, refusing to let his tears fall in front of such a large crowd. Fugaku begins walking first, his head held high and proud, and as his first son it’s only tradition that Itachi follow him while Sasuke trails behind. They move in a single line, one right after the other, somehow both impossibly close to each other yet also too far away. Though he tries to keep his gaze steady and forward, he can’t help but pick Shisui’s face out of the massive group of people gathered all around him. </p><p>Itachi had explained the night before how this process worked, how only family was to take this journey back to the home to honor the deceased. So he supposes he shouldn’t be surprised when, after getting significantly far from the crowd, he glances back and sees a collection of his crew trailing behind him. They keep a respectful distance, careful not to disturb the small procession, but the sight of his comrades gives Itachi something he hadn’t realized he was lacking. Surrounded by support from both of his worlds, somehow Itachi musters up the courage and strength to carry on. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>As dawn breaks on his last day on Vulcan, Itachi decides to tie up his remaining loose ends. The first matter to take care is the one he considers most important. After a careful deliberation and a prolonged period of weighing the pros and cons of his decision, he decides to knock on his brother’s bedroom door. “Sasuke?” he calls out. “I would understand if you did not wish to speak to me right now, given the nature of our last conversation. But I would like to apologize for my behavior and the things that I said. It was hurtful and unnecessary, and I am sorry for the harm that I caused you.” </p><p>Though it takes longer than he had hoped it would, eventually the door opens a crack, just wide enough for Itachi to see a sliver of his brother’s face. “You’re leaving, right?” Sasuke asks, his tone unusually neutral. “Later today?”</p><p>“That is correct. We are scheduled to take off this afternoon.” Shifting in place, Itachi explains, “Truthfully, I was hoping that you might like to help me finish sorting through Mother’s books before I go.”</p><p>Finally Sasuke’s composure cracks and his eyebrows raise in shock. “You really want me to?”</p><p>“Yes,” Itachi says softly, “I do.” </p><p>“Okay.” This time it’s Sasuke’s turn to fidget awkwardly, and the self-aware part of Itachi’s brain finds their current predicament the tiniest bit funny. Maybe they are not so different after all. “I’m, uh. I’m sorry, too. For being an asshole to you. I said some really shitty things.” </p><p>“Perhaps we can agree that neither of us was at our best at that moment,” Itachi suggests, and Sasuke snorts in reply.</p><p>“Works for me.” Abruptly the door closes in Itachi’s face, and it takes him a moment to realize his brother is most likely readying himself for the day rather than rejecting him entirely. Said suspicion is confirmed when Sasuke reappears a moment later, dressed and willing to follow Itachi to their mother’s study.</p><p>After that, the hours they spend together are mostly silent, save for the occasional question from Sasuke or request from Itachi. It’s a pleasant surprise to learn that, despite the years of tension and mistrust, they actually work quite well together. With that in mind, it doesn’t take long for them to finish the task Itachi started, leaving the two sons of Vulcan sitting on the library’s floor,  lingering unsurely in each other’s presence.</p><p>Staying true to character, it is Sasuke who breaks the silence first. “Can I tell you something?” he asks, and Itachi nods his permission. “I was always jealous of how you and Mom were together.”</p><p>The confession is about the last thing Itachi is expecting to hear, and he tilts his head, puzzled. “Why?”</p><p>Sasuke shrugs, looking embarrassed and endearingly vulnerable. “I dunno. You were both so smart and and you did all this nerdy shit together that made you so close. It was like you guys had this secret language that no one else could speak.”</p><p>Feeling emboldened by his brother’s honesty, Itachi says, “I must admit, I was envious of you as well.”</p><p>Sasuke whips his head around to look at him. “Seriously?”</p><p>Nodding again, Itachi explains, “As difficult as your experiences were growing up, I can assure you it was even more painful to live such a life when the path has not been paved for you. For much of my youth I was so alone, so… unwanted, save for Mother and occasionally Father. By the time you entered the world, Vulcan society was significantly more tolerant if only for the fact that your birth was, to them, old news.” Meeting his brother’s curious gaze, he continues, “Sasuke, all your life you have never cared about your place in Vulcan society because you had the luxury to reject it. It is a privilege that I was never afforded. And so I was jealous of you, of your ability to be an imperfect Vulcan, an imperfect son, because I felt like I could never be either of those things.” </p><p>For a long moment, his little brother is quiet, seemingly lost in thought. “I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I didn’t know.”</p><p>Itachi smiles at him. “Of course you didn’t; I never allowed you to know. It was easier to bear the brunt of our people’s expectations and cruelties rather than let them fall on your shoulders.” </p><p>Chewing on his bottom lip, Sasuke replies, “Growing up, I always thought people wanted me to be like you. It used to make me so mad, because it seemed like everyone used to think you were perfect and I was just… a failure. But it wasn’t like that at all, was it?” Shaking his head, he concludes, “Maybe both of us got the short end of the stick.”</p><p>“In some ways, yes, but I believe in others we are quite lucky.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah? How so?”</p><p>“Well, if nothing else, we will always have each other.”</p><p>“Gross.” Sasuke wrinkles his nose in disgust, and Itachi can’t help but laugh. “When did you get all touchy-feely?” </p><p>“I suppose my travels have changed me.”</p><p>“Mom didn’t talk about you a lot around me--y’know, because of the whole thing where I hated your guts and all--but whenever she did she said you were different. I used to think she was being, like, nice or whatever and you were going off the rails, but now I think I get what she means.” Itachi has a moment to feel darkly amused at Sasuke’s exceedingly warped perception of him before he continues, “You’re different, yeah, but maybe not all that different. Maybe you’re just finally being yourself.” Itachi’s eyes widen the slightest amount as his brother tells him, “When I was a kid there were so many times where I’d look at you and feel like I didn’t even know you, but now… now I’m beginning to feel like I do.”</p><p>His curiosity peaked, Itachi asks, “Oh? And what do you think of the real me?”</p><p>“Eh, he’s alright.” Still, despite his careless tone, a lovely and sincere grin crosses his face, and Itachi feels a hole in his heart he didn’t know existed start to close. “I’m glad you came back.”</p><p>Basking in both the warmth of the sunlit room and his brother’s returning affections, Itachi returns his smile and says, as earnestly as he can, “So am I.” </p><p>With his bags packed, the study cleared, and his relationship with Sasuke on the slow road to mending, Itachi lets himself into his father’s office to say his farewells. The two of them haven’t spoken much since his mother’s funeral, and the words they have exchanged have been short and bland. Frankly, Itachi isn’t sure what to expect as he takes a seat in front of his father’s desk and waits to be addressed.</p><p>Eventually, Fugaku looks up from the stack of papers in front of him and says, “Many years ago, you once asked me why I married your mother. Do you remember that?”</p><p>The response gives Itachi his second big surprise of the still-young day, and he replies, slow and more than a little confused, “You told me it was a logical decision.”</p><p>“And it was, though perhaps not for the reason you think.” His father’s fingers idly twist his wedding ring, rolling the band around in a gesture that’s almost anxious, though Itachi has precious little time to process such an image before his father continues to speak. “All these years you believed that I chose to spend my life with your mother, to have children with her, merely to further my ambitions as the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth. Am I wrong in this assessment?”</p><p>“No,” Itachi admits, somewhat reluctant to confess his poor view of the man. </p><p>Still, Fugaku does not appear to be angry or even displeased by his answer. “I can see how you would come to such a conclusion, as looking back I imagine I did not do much to dispel such a notion. But you are incorrect.” Something close to a smile graces his father’s face, and Itachi stares, frozen in place, as Fugaku tells his son, “In the end, it was all very simple. The true reason I took your mother as my mate was because I loved her and because she loved me.”</p><p>In hindsight, Itachi feels foolish for not realizing such a fact earlier. It certainly explains much about his family life, like his mother’s devotion to her husband and the normally stern and rule-abiding Fugaku’s decision to reject his cultural obligations. “With all the criticism you received because of your marriage, did you ever wish you had not chosen her?” he finally asks. </p><p>“How could I when welcoming her into my life gave me so much in return?” Fugaku glances away, visibly unnerved by the emotions currently presenting themselves, and Itachi can’t help but feel sympathy for his plight; after all, it was not that long enough that he began to question the usefulness of his own stoicism. “She often told me that I did not do enough to show my appreciation and affection for you and your brother. Looking back on the time we spent together, I am afraid I must acknowledge she was right.”</p><p>“Mother was always right,” Itachi says, and Fugaku huffs a small laugh in response. </p><p>“I am inclined to agree.” His expression smoothing out, Fugaku continues, “I look forward to the chance to correct this mistake when you return home after completing your assignment. It will be… good, to have you back on Vulcan where you belong.” Though the words are not enough to undo a lifetime of misunderstanding and distance, it is certainly a start. </p><p>Of course, whatever good will Itachi feels at their reconciliation disappears in a puff of smoke when his father adds, “And, once you have settled down we will sort out the matter of your arrangement with Izumi. Her family has expressed an eagerness to have the two of you wed sooner rather than later.” </p><p>Swallowing down the sudden lump in his throat, Itachi dutifully promises, “I will not disappoint you, Father.”</p><p>“Of this, I am quite aware.” It’s almost impressive how the sentiment is meant as a compliment yet manages to cut through Itachi like a knife. With the matter seemingly resolved to Fugaku’s satisfaction, he asks, “Is there anything else you require of me before you depart?”</p><p>Even through the fog of bitterness currently clouding his mind, an idea occurs to Itachi. “As a matter of fact,” he begins, “I believe there is.” </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“I am afraid it is not much,” Itachi tells Jugo a little over an hour and a significant amount of smuggling later, as he shows the guest room Shisui is currently vacating, “but you will be able to create a safe and satisfying life here.”</p><p>“Please don’t apologize,” Jugo assures him with a smile. “This is more than enough. Really, I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done for me. Both of you,” he adds, glancing at Shisui meaningfully. </p><p>“No thanks necessary,” Shisui says, clapping Jugo on the back with a reassuring grin. “Just try and stay out of trouble, okay?”</p><p>Grimacing, Jugo replies, “Trust me, I’ve had more than enough trouble for one lifetime.”</p><p>With his last bit of business on Vulcan finished, it would seem all that's left for Itachi to do is leave. Both his father and brother meet him and his small group of travelers at the door, and their farewells are short but heartfelt. Itachi wrangles a complaining Sasuke into a hug, mostly because he can tell by the way the boy relaxes into and returns the gesture he’s actually happy to receive it. Fugaku merely offers Itachi a simple and traditional “live long and prosper” but given everything Itachi has experienced since reentering his homeworld the phrase takes on a new and unexpected depth. “I intend to,” Itachi replies, and after that there is simply nothing left to say. </p><p>Walking back to the ship, Itachi considers the way his life has changed since beginning his journey with the Corvus. While he had rationally recognized and understood the changes in his own character over the years, returning to Vulcan had illuminated such a shift in a way more obvious than ever before. Itachi can see that difference in Sasuke’s slow approval and Fugaku’s attempts at amends, but more than anything he felt it himself as he watched his father bring his mother’s <em> katra </em> to her final resting place. Watching her leave them, Itachi finally felt prepared to take on the task she gave him when he was a boy: to reconcile the two halves of his soul and fuse them together to create an identity new and entirely his own. </p><p>The thought had once seemed so frightening to Itachi, so alien. But now, so many years and experiences later, he can’t help but feel hopeful and excited at the road that lies ahead, even as he knows it will be dotted with strife and heartbreak. </p><p>“You know, if you think any harder I’m going to start seeing steam come out of your pointy little ears,” Shisui comments wryly from beside him, lifting a brow as he asks, “What’s on your mind?”</p><p>Itachi considers how to summarize his thoughts, if such a thing is even possible. Though the words do not seem nearly enough, he settles on replying with, “You are a very good man, Captain.”</p><p>Eyebrows now fully raised in surprise, Shisui counters, sweetly unguarded, “You think so?”</p><p>“I know so.” His gaze flickering to the shining silver of the Corvus’ disk, he continues, “I suppose I relate to Jugo’s earlier sentiments, as I also do not know how to express my gratitude for the kindness you have expressed towards me in the time we have spent together.” </p><p>“Of course you don’t, you’re all weird and emotionally repressed,” Shisui jokes before adding, a bit more seriously, “Itachi, you don’t have to thank me for anything. You know that.”</p><p>“You continue to say that, and yet I still feel an obligation. So...” Itachi pauses, mentally calculating the risks and gains of saying what he truly wants to. Deciding to take the plunge, he looks into the Captain’s eyes and declares, with an almost unbearable sincerity, “Thank you, Shisui.”</p><p>Though Itachi isn’t sure how he is expecting Shisui to react to the usage of his name, he isn’t prepared for the mixture of surprise and joy that overtakes the man’s features. It takes a long, charged moment before Shisui finally replies, a tad hoarsely, “You’re welcome.” Shisui stares at him, seeming to silently deliberate on something, and Itachi waits, not knowing what action he plans on taking yet suspecting he wants it regardless. But Shisui never acts, and a small wave of disappointment ripples through Itachi as Shisui awkwardly tells him, “We, uh. We should head back before Anko radicalizes the crew into overthrowing me or something.”</p><p>“That is a troublingly plausible scenario,” Itachi says bleakly before adding, “Let us go home, then.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shisui agrees with a smile. “Let’s go home.” </p><p>It’s not the first time Shisui has referred to the ship they both love in such a manner, but it is perhaps the first time Itachi has truly viewed it as so. With his fears and doubts temporarily assuaged, Itachi trades one home for another and boards the Corvus once more. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>to be continued.</b>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WOOF. and just like that we are Done with part two.</p><p>when i planned this fic out i really thought that part two would be a lot shorter than it ended up being, but overall i'm happy with how it turned out. as always, words can't express how grateful i am for all the comments, kudos, support, and feedback i've gotten for this project. this fic is so close to my heart, and it's incredibly rewarding and humbling to see that my silly little story has touched other people as well. </p><p>oh also if you ever need to write a vulcan funeral start by not writing a vulcan funeral bc the info on how to perform such a thing is wildly inconsistent and you'll have to improvise like you're never improvised before. it's wack. </p><p>until we meet again, feel free to find me @astoldbygingersnaps on tumblr. take care!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WE'RE BACK BABY!!!! </p>
<p>this took longer than expected bc dear GOD did i fight with this stupid chapter. when i originally mapped out the storyline for the fic the first chapter of part two was originally something completely different, but i ended up scrapping it and pumping out this mess instead. the first episode of TOS i ever watched was trouble with tribbles, and i was so smitten with them i knew i wanted to add them to this au somehow. i took a few liberties with their biology, but it wouldn't be star trek au if i wasn't twisting canon to suit my own needs now would it</p>
<p>ANYWAY i hope everyone enjoyed this very silly and ridiculous first installment of part two. buckle up, because we're about to enter Real Mutual Pining Hours™</p>
<p>as always, all comments and kudos are very much appreciated. stay safe and healthy and see you next time!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>